thermion journal: MAY 31, 2000

5/31/00 Television for Women.

Our local cable company just did the unthinkable. They rearranged our channels.

I could care less if the History Channel is channel 2 or channel 99, but there are few constants in my 4 year-old daughter's life, it's a pretty cruel trick to suddenly put C-SPAN where Nickelodeon used to be...and the scrolling public affairs announcements where she used to see the Cartoon Network.

Monica and her mother nearly panicked when their beloved "Lifetime Channel" was suddenly gone on Tuesday morning: "Animal Planet" in it's place. Like that would be some great loss. I don't hate very many things, but this channel genuinely pisses me off. It's touted as "Television for Women". I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean. It reminds me of those stupid "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman..." antiperspirant ads. "Television for Women" kinda implies that the other 98 channels are catered to men. If you have ever spent an entire weekday at home, planted in front of the tube, you would know that there is no "male oriented programming" before 5:30pm. "Television for Women" makes you think that they have the type of programming that "Jane Average" has been craving. Something that speaks to the modern woman. During the day, modern women must closely resemble the moden woman of 1950's television; with shows that teach you how to keep your parsley\tofu soufle from collapsing before hubby gets home with the dinner guests. Get the cilantro enfused artichoke hearts out of the thermador. Then get ready for vacation with "sexy slimming summer swimwear". I find it as offensive as a men's network that would focus on drag racing and assult weapons. Primetime is when this channel gets really enflamatory and panders to lazy, armchair, militant feminists. "Television for Women" continually repeats their "Lifetime Originals"; exclusive made for TV movies all with two things in common: An anti-man theme that portrays all men as violent, cheating pedophiles lurking right in your neighborhood. and Colons in the titles: "Bigamist Jerk: My life as the other wife", "A woman's perogative: How I shot my ex-husband and his skinny bitch girlfriend" and "Bloody Skivies: John Wayne Bobbit deserved it...and your husband probably does too." are pretty typical titles. With the exception of WNBA Basketball and "Any Day Now" a show that seems to deal with subject matter that might intrigue an adult, I can't imagine real women choosing this channel as their gender spokesman. My advice: Watch the Simpsons. "Testosterone and Megabytes: A man with a diary."