Weekends weren't meant to be like this...

Sunday morning: Monica was asleep on the couch, Katie was watching cartoons... Calvin went out to shoot some hoops. Sounds peaceful, and quaint, until Calvin came back into the house and asked, "why is there a cop car in front of Granny's (my mother in-law) house?"

To normal people, the arrival of emergency vehicles is cause for alarm... at Ted and Patty's however it's more like sign of the passing seasons.

"Oooh, look dad, two more sheriff's cars!"

My in-laws fight like hyper-kinetic kids, actually they are worse. The drama is always over the top; everything wildly skewed to the extremes all the time. That is exactly why I under-react to anything going on '2-doors down'.

"Look at the size of that fire truck dad!"

No kidding... a articulated hook and ladder pulls into the cul de sac followed by an ambulance. "Not bad considering my mother in law is home alone." Ted is in Salt Lake City.
The word "Ambulance" woke Monica up, and she hurried down to see what was going on. Cops and paramedics are regular visitors in a place where everything is blown way out of proportion: If you are late, it means you are sleeping with somebody... depression is a sign of hidden guilt, everything points to conspiracy.
Curiosity, not genuine concearn finally pulled me down to the scene of the action. I arrived in time to see my mother in-law being strapped to a gurney... screaming, "Your'e just doing this because Ted wants you to... you are on his side!
"Look lady, I don't know who Ted is... and frankly, I think anybody who would call 911 from Salt Lake City should be shot!" was the paramedics response.
off she went for a psych evaluation.

Long story short... everybody is now planning the perfect holidays...all the drama is gone, the pendulum has swung the other way.

"50 mililiters of morphine... STAT!"