Safari time.
I celebrated the completion of the Tiger Woods Building by spending the 3-day weekend RVing with the in-laws. There are plenty of reasons why it was a bad idea, but I lost all my powers of persuasion, when I came through the front door and was greeted by the kids chanting, "Were going to Wildlife Safari..."
Eight people crammed into a 35' motorhome for 3 days is the most obvious reason to avoid this trip... and my father in-law Ted is the single person that made the trip the ordeal that it was.
We arrived at the gates of "Wildlife Safari" a drive-thru wild animal park in Roseburg, Oregon, after a mind numbing 5 hour roadtrip, and a gut wrenching Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast. There are 3 rules posted everywhere in the park, and Ted was "hell bent" to break all three.
RULE #1- STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE.
This Rule was broken shortly after we entered the park, there was a small traffic jam that formed near the entrance of the park due to an ostritch that had laid an egg on the shoulder of the dirt road. Thinking fast, Ted leaped from the vehicle to make available his vast knowledge of African Fowl Husbandry. After a 10 minutes or so Ted rreturned to the RV with a freshly laid 3 lb. Ostritch egg,
and he only had to slip the ranger $30 to get the prize.
Won't the neighbors be impressed.
RULE #2- NO PETS ALLOWED IN THE PARK.
For Pete's sake, they provide free kennels for your pets, but Ted's approach was to have us hide Willy, the one-eyed Boston Terrier under the table as we drove through the gate.
Lord knows we wouldn't want the dog to miss out on all the great Safari fun!
RULE #3- DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
This Rule is obviously for the welfare of the animals, they are well cared for and the park undoubtedly employs veterinary nutritionists to monitor the diets of the animals to keep them in optimum health.
As soon as we were out of sight of park officials, all the windows were rolled down, and handfulls of Capn' Crunch and stale Bugles were flung at any animal within Ted's range.
We were literally surrounded by the fauna of the African savanna. Ostriches, Gazelles, and Wildebeasts... buzzed on sugar... positioned themselves around the motorhome like bridesmaids waiting for the bouquet toss.
That's when we noticed the Park Ranger's SUV speeding toward us through the valley. Ted ditched the cereal and was rolling up the window, as the throngs of animals dispersed. The 'Daktari pickup' came to a stop, Ted was grinning from ear to ear; convinced that he had gotten away with it all.
Ted forgot, however, that Willy was sitting on his lap, barking and snorting at the fleeing animals. HA! BUSTED. (see rule #2)
We left the park and went directly to Denny's for another "Grand-Slam Meal"
In my opinion, the definition of 'Vacation' should include the phrase "...away from the in-laws..."
"Me Tarzan."