| The Saskatoon Star |
| Saskatoon's Number One Source For Bullshit, Hogwash and Tomfoolery |
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| est. 1867 |
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| High School Student Breaks Cow Pattie Record |
| Local Man Faces Jail Time Over Corndog Mishap |
| Hutterites on the Internet! What's Next?! |
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| To contact The Saskatoon Star send mail to thesaskatoonstar@yahoo.com |
| You know the world is changing when Hutterites are on the internet. It wasn't long ago that our polka dotted friends weren't big on the idea of electricity or any form of outside communication other than word of mouth. The times they are a changing. We now have an abundance of Hutterites plaguing news groups, chat channels, message boards and the like trying to push their garden vegetables, eggs and fresh meat on the general public. Once they seen results in their sales drastically improve they quickly sought almost every other market to exploit. They developed high tech software to assess people's marketability and developed profiles which they in turn traded for various contrabanned goods such as whiskey, marijuana and beef jerky . It is widely believed in the internet spam industry that Hutterites are responsible for 95% of all internet spamming that takes place |
| "It was simply a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There's no fucking way I stole a fuckin' corndog! I make plenty enough cash to buy corndogs. I just accidentally spilt my big gulp in the shape of a grease spot from a corndog." testified long time 7-11 customer in provincial court today. On Feb 29th 2004 2:03 AM the Police received a call from 7-11 reporting yet another burglary by the now infamous "Corndog Bandito" where they responded by subduing and arresting Brutus Von Dinkenheimer (pictured left) on suspicion of being the Corndog Bandito. Von Dinkenheimer claims innocence and blames bad luck for this wrongful accusation that is being put on him. Von Dinkenheimer faces a maximum of 2 yrs in jail if he is convicted. "I seen the Corndog Bandito and he's got those leprechaun ears and I don't!" explains Von Dinkenheimer. |
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| Jacob Krinkovski likes to be called 'The Big Krinkovski' on the internet when he chats. |
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| High school student Lyle Ziegler of Whitkow Sk, known as Ziggy Poop by his peers recently broke the legendary cow patty for balance Guiness record. The record was previously held by the late Archie Finklestein also of Whitkow Sk.. "It's really just such an honour to have known Archie while he was alive. Where I'm from he was a living legend and his spirit lives on. If it weren't for him showing me how to balance dung and what not I couldn't be here today." commented Ziegler. Ziegler blew away Archie's record of 22 hours, 13 minutes and 49 seconds with a whopping 48 hours, 57 minutes and 12 seconds. Ziegler's record will be in next year's Guiness Book of World Records. |
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| Piracy in Saskatoon & An In Depth Look at the Foosball Scene In Saskatoon |