Bionic Commando Died For Your Sins
posted by Yossarian 3:21 AM EST
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Bionic Commando Died For Your Sins
posted by The Dark Intellect 9:58 PM EST
We don't just play: Lakota East Academic Team be Strokin'
The Lakota East High School Academic Team continued its marathon winning streak on Wednesday, January 24 with a well-fought but ultimately assured win against Sycamore, extending their perfect record to 6-0 and earning first place in the GMC. Senior Captain Patrick Thomas attributes the team’s success to a key factor missing from previous seasons.
“Unlike seasons past, this year we’re not just playing. We be strokin. And we stroked it so fast to Sycamore, they be cryin’. Yeah, you thought it was rain.” Thomas went on to elaborate with eloquent verbalization that “strokin’ encompasses not just the raw enthusiasm and chutzpah with which we approach every intellectual engagement, but also the spontaneous outbursts of ribald jocundity that, with increasing frequency, tend to discombobulate the opposition until they are our bitches.”
“We’re kicking some GMC ass and there’s not a goddamn thing they can do about it,” says senior and three-year starter Evan Floyd. “I’ve heard it said that playing us is like holding an ice cube to your testicles, and I know how bad that feels because I’ve done it before. Brrr...... Did I mention we just kicked Sycamore’s ass?”
“You’ve got to hand it to East this year,” says Chris Wolery, Senior Captain of the Lakota West Academic Team. “We’ve been outmanned, outgunned, and outstroked.”
“They’ve done a terrific job,” says Vivian Wang, member of the Sycamore Academic Team.
“While we stroke it to the East, they not only duplicate our efforts but also manage to stroke it to the West and, on numerous occassions, to the woman that they love the best. Our program just can’t compete with that.” This dramatic increase in performance comes from the team’s surprising unity despite its members’ eclectic background, says Advisor Dawn Brandenburg.
“Patrick knows everything, and Chen knows chemistry better than I know my mother. Evan is a stupendous ass, but he got that sports question right, so we’re keeping him on the team, for now. And Tim looks like an aardvark, but don’t mention it to him personally or he’ll cry.” The key component in this year’s team, according to all who were sourced for the story, is each team member’s willigness to sacrifice pride and vanity for the good of the whole.
“My name is Neo,” says Thomas, “and I know Kung-Fu.”
“I am the Golden God,” says Wu. “My plan for a Wu World Order, tentatively entitled Wutopia, is proceeding on schedule.”
“I am the Walrus,” says Floyd, sliding on the floor in catharsic tranquility.
“I am Tranibore,” says Ashe, “but my name is Gladiator. His name was Robert Paulsen.”
The spirit of egalitarianism is also predominant among all involved in the program this season.
“The team is much more willing to share buzzer time than in the past,” says Scott Gronberg, long-time Superfan and first-year participant. The motto here is if there’s two people and one buzzer, “I’ll hold it, and you smack it.”
“That’s the kind of attitude that will ensure our indubitable domination of the GMC and carve our names in the metaphorical Trajan’s Column of quiz team history,” says Thomas. His plans include the possibility of Harvard but for now he is concentrating on short-term goals. “Tim, can I get a ride home?”link
posted by Yossarian 9:48 PM EST
Gamadan continues, though my personal devotions are coming to an end. Chrono Trigger is defeated and I'm reluctant to really begin FF7. Alchemy and Seven Seas and chess have lost their almost pathological appeal. Perhaps I need a change of pace, a healthy dose of Grand Theft Auto. link
posted by The Dark Intellect 10:22 PM EST
Home on the Range (Tim’s Bootleg Gym Class Version)Oh give me a class, where I’d sit on my ass
Never work, screw around every day
Keep my folder a mess, never take any tests
And my grade would be always an “A”Oh, oh Rec P.E.;
Made just for lazy-asses like me
Where seldom there’s work, and never a dork
That thinks he is smarter than meWhere one lap I jog, and the next five I walk
And exams do not even exist
So easy a class, even morons can pass
Rec P.E., you will sorely be missedOh, oh Rec. P.E.;
It’s a Mecca for slackers like me
There’s seldom a test, and your worst is our best
If we’re there half the time, we get “B”s.How often in Govt. do you wish you were loved
For the work-ethic lack you display?
Quarter grades can be high even if you don’t try
Come join the excitement todayOh, oh Rec. P.E.;
It’s pure heaven, and all would agree
Spending one half a year is well worth it here
Join the choir and sing it with me link
posted by Yossarian 10:23 PM EST
I beat FF9. I am free. I am playing FF7. The game is dead. Long live the game. link
posted by Yossarian 9:00 PM EST
Gamadan continues, one recent highlight being a seven hour communal rpg binge (on a school night, no less). I'm currently in the 60th hour of FF9, wrapping up the loose ends, ready to escape the shackles of the Mist Continent and put on the shackles of FF7. Also got a few thousand pages of reading material yesterday which, in addition to the few thousand I already had sitting on my floor, will turn me into a crazed hermit for the next few weeks. I am in the land of milk and honey. link
posted by The Dark Intellect 11:57 PM EST
Pre-Calculus has a special place in my heart. It is right before this 3rd period class that I procure from Mrs. Richards a wide selection of magazines including and limited to Time, Newsweek and Entertainment Weekly, which I peruse during pre-calc. So aside from the homework, it's not a class I particularly mind. Every once in a while someone corrects the teacher because he makes silly mistakes. I smile. Then I take my notes like a zombie, and when everyone else does homework I read. I do my math at home so I can finish it all in one fell swoop. This usually works fine, but today it did not. There were several problems which were bad. There was nothing good about these problems. They weren't hard or easy. They were bad. After disgustedly throwing down my pencil, attempting to sublimate my anger through physical exercise, and then trying to bury the stress by consuming large amounts of delicious food, I decided not to do these problems.Here's my message to you, Pre-Calc Review Packet: you give me another bad problem and I'm going to give you a cremation. You need me more than I need you, you sorry sheaf of papers. You've already got more than a hundred problems on you- but I can give you one that will really make a difference. I never liked you, but now it's personal, and even though you've got more personality I've got more limbs; mark my words, biatch. You fuck with me again and I'll tear you up with a quickness. link
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