I am so sick of being called the Wicked Queen! I am not wicked, I'm obsessive. There's a big difference. All I ever wanted was to be the fairest in the land. Maybe attempted homicide was a bit extreme, but that doesn't make me evil. Do you have any idea what it's like to constantly be around someone you know looks better than you? It's terrible!
Besides, I was doing a favour for all of humankind. That girl is just too happy for her own good! I was so sick of the blue birds flying around the castle all the time. Who do you think cleaned that up? It wasn't Snow White, I'll tell you that. I never made her do any chores. She's just like my friends stepdaughter, refuses to let anyone else lift a finger and then turns it around and makes us look bad. I'm telling you, that Cinderella girl should get together with Snow White. Let them fight it out as to who gets to do the work. It's like some kind of . . . complex or something.
All I'm saying is that it wasn't completely my fault, but I'm still destined to go down in fairy tale history as "the wicked queen." Please help me to stop this ugly rumour about my actions. Oh dear, I better go. I have to do my community service sentence: cleaning up after those dwarfs. I would have rather done hard time, but what can expect from a jury of playing cards?
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