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"Everything had become simple again, quite simple, the complexity gone into nowhere."
~Women in Love
The Site
Version 6.0
- 17 October 2006
Like pork, blah.
18 Monday (Today): Today has not been a good work day. I'm on a break now but I'm going to Granite Bay at 3 for more work. Yay! Oy vey. I just keep telling myself to breathe...
I'm kinda curious to see where this event planning thing could take me, so I spent a few minutes looking it up online. Turns out there are a few classes I could take, and they're less than $500. I may or I may not. I really just want an assistant job to see what it would even be like. Cuz god knows I'm so picky with jobs.
17 Sunday: Went to Unitrans for Mock-Service day. It was so much fun! I rode around in a wheelchair and got to ride in Double Deck 742. I never drove that one because it was still a skeleton when I was a driver.
I visited the fruit market out on 2nd and Mace for the first time ever. And I've lived in Davis for 4 years! When I was working at the CMB, there was a visitor who said that the fruit market had really good fruit slushy things, so I've been dying to try them. It turns out that they're not really fruit slushies, but fruit ices/sorbet...I can't explain but they're yummy, icy, and need to be eaten with a spoon. Mmm marionberry!
Sunday was so busy. Jon and I went to the Thunder Valley casino where I proceded to lose all my money. I'm so upset that they keep removing the slot machines that I like! I want my Lucky Lemmings back!!! I swear I didn't take this video, but here you can find out why I loved it so much!!!
The Notebook was on TV. So sad.
16 Saturday: A bunch of Unis got together to play games at the Pad. We are toooo cool. We played Bang and I got to shoot people!
15 Friday: I cleaned...or sorta cleaned...Work, and not much else.
14 Thursday: More karaoke! I think it was even better this week than the week before. Shy and I sang Lily Allen, and David and Jon sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart." It was classic. I'm now pretty positive that I scream songs when I think I "sing" because Friday morning, I woke up with the worst sore throat! Still, totally worth it.
Food baby
13 Wednesday: Today, I met my new co-therapist. She seems incredibly nice and eager to learn! Today was a good work day.
Today, I learned that I could pick up and spin a 2 year old. A 40-lb 2 year old!
I picked up my diploma! With Arnold Schwarzenegger's signature! (Sort of. Not a real one...just a plated stock signature. I paid $36,000 for this?!?)
Jon, David, Shy, and Shawn and I went to sushi at that new Sushi Buffet in downtown Davis. It was really good! I think it was started by one of the chefs that used to work at Fujis. Mmmmmm. So full!
12 Tuesday: I worked all day (SOO LONG) and Jon worked all night, so I had the night to myself. I worked on work stuff and watched tons of TV. I watched like 3 episodes of Who's Wedding is it Anyway? I've decided that if I could do anything in life, I'd be a wedding planner. I like organisation and I like dressing up! It sounds perfect.
11 Monday: I drove all the way to Granite Bay for work. Houses are pretty there!
10 Sunday: Sacramento Antique Faire day! I bought a short blue bookcase, which as of right now is sitting smack dab in the middle of the room since I have no idea where to put it.
9 Saturday: We went to Second Saturday. We visited Zanzibar, a shop with trinkets from around the world. I almost bought a candle with the three monkeys - see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil and really wanted some kind of Ganesha statue. Ganesha is the remover of obstacles. I was thinking that I could sure use that right about now!! It was super weird to see everyone in Sacramento out on the streets and doing artsy stuff. It was fun. We also ate at Mikuni's. I just can't get enough of sushi!
Killing me softly
9 Saturday: So far, today my cable has been out, I had a hamburger for breakfast, and cut Jon's hair. I thought I did a wonderful job. He thinks it is uneven. Which it is, but I still like it.
I think we're going swimming in a minute and I hope that I get to go to Second Saturday tonight. It's where a bunch of galleries open up on the Second Saturday of the month and people go out to see them. I hope it's not too crowded...
8 Friday: Friday I paid for what I did Thursday night. But it was undoubtedly worth it. I went to Kindergarten with AW and Jackie. Jackie is really sweet and makes me wish she was my Senior. Oh well, at least I have one that I like.
Friday night I went to bed early because I was tired from little sleep the night before.
7 Thursday: I worked a lot at work. It made my head hurt.
Unitrans was having a barbecue, so I went. Free food and old friends, yay! That night, we all went to Sudwerks and sang karaoke! I'd never done that before. It was so much fun!! Lisa and I sang Killing Me Softly. Liz and Jason sang Britney Spears?!? David sang Conga by Gloria Estefan and we all did a Conga line around the bar. And this random guy at the bar cured my hiccups. It was one of the best nights out I've had in such a long time!! (Shh but I also ate at McDonalds at like 1 in the morning. McChickens are spicy now.)
6 Wednesday: I think I worked? Honestly, there isn't much else for me to report that could be as amazing as karaoke!!
Ketchup
Holy cow, are you behind!
I met that kid I was talking about, and he is super. He's four. He's a kindergartener. And he's a whippersnapper. He'll call you on your bullshit and ask you questions until you wish that you could pry your ears off your head.
Sometime a couple weeks ago, my jaw started hurting. I ignored it (partially because I hate doctors, partially because I don't have healthcare anyway, thank you corporate America). The next day, it was swollen and my gums were bleeding. Still ignoring...A week later, it's last Tuesday and it's still hurting. I now think this is not a jaw problem but instead a huge cavity problem. Root-canal worthy. AHH! Fortunately, I still have dental coverage so I made an appointment with the dentist (who I dislike just as much as the doctor due to some tooth-extraction/novocaine non-workage in my childhood).
I had Tuesday to Saturday to work myself up about the drive back to SF (that's where my dentist is) and the and impending pain. I got to the dentist's 40 minutes late because people like to drive at 25mph on 80W on Saturdays...that made my drive 2 hrs and 40 minutes long. Ick. X-rays, waiting, eventually the dentist says yes I do have a cavity, but it's small and probably the real reason is some kind of TMJ disorder. According to tmj.org, we don't know why it happens (although my dentist says it's probably stress - yeah, i wouldn't be surprised) and don't know precisely how to treat it, which is good enough since treatment would probably make pain worse and it isn't covered by my insurance anyway.
So we're just waiting for that to go away on its own. Cross your fingers.
Jon and I visited the SFMOMA which I haven't seen for ages and was so much fun. There was this one cool exhibit that spanned a wall, ceiling, and part of the floor. It looked like the shadow of all these flowery-tree things and it was so subtle I almost stepped on it the first time! We also went to the arcade at the Metreon and played Deal or No Deal!! We won 300 tickets and got a ton of candy (just the perfect thing for a girl who is afraid of cavities and shouldn't be eating sticky food anyway!!).
Now I work, which I'm not excited about. But that's only because I'm still new and I hate the learning process. I miss my old job where I already knew everything and everyone and it wasn't scary anymore (even though I know it used to be). And to be quite honest, I'm surprised that no one wants to talk about my former job. When I go to families' houses, I'm fascinated to hear that in her "former life," one stay-at-home-mom was an Therapist for Autism and then her kid got diagnosed, that another graduated with a psych undergrad, got a masters in education psych and then wrote test questions for the mcgraw-hill people. It's so awesome! Why doesn't anyone ask me? I had a totally wonderful job that I could talk your ear off about! Ask me!!!
I got off early today, (though I didn't want to be) so I made the most of it by going to Barnes and Noble and starting another Cecilia Ahern book.
I'm currently sulking for reasons that are like 2 hours old and sulking is actually quite taxing, so I think I will stop.
PS. I think my ear is finally unplugged. That's what, 2 days short of 3 months??
Nerves
Oh my gosh. My stomach is a bundle of nerves. Today I will be meeting my new client and this time, he is going to be all mine.
AHHHHHHH.
To do/Done
Fridays, ah Fridays. The day you think should mark the end of the stressful workweek and usher in the weekend. However, for someone who holds less than a part-time job, it's really just another day.
I've held a lot of jobs - the strangest part usually being that they're "state" jobs and I can't create anything there or else California "owns" it, or I have to drive well or else and can't do drugs - but now that I work with autistic children, the weirdest part is I don't know how much I can even talk about it. (No, that's not exactly true, I was in this position before, when I worked at Seton and there was that whole HIPPA thing...) So what exactly can I mention about work so far? I have 14.5 hours scheduled. My kid was really good today. We played Cariboo.
Also, I'm holding back because I think I should know better than to put any of my opinions about work on zee internet, because that seems like a royally stupid idea.
There was a lot of bill-paying/arguing today. Sooo tiring.
I am officially set up on subfinder! Substitute teaching in a public school? Oh god, I hope I can do this...
After failing my smog test the first time, my car passed. But now my stickers are in SF, so I guess that's where I'm heading this weekend. All I wanted to do this weekend (or any weekend) is sleep.
Speaking of sleep...I've got to tell you, my favorite job ever will be my bus driving job where I caught the shuttle five days a week at 5:50 in the morning and went to bed sometime around 9PM. Now that I have this ridiculous non-schedule, I took a nap til 9PM, and am still awake at 1:25 in the morning nursing a very hurt jaw. No, I do not know what is wrong with it. Yes, I'm am deathly afraid that it is a cavity/warrants a root canal/could be TMJ/tetanus.
I've won Monopoly twice in a row. I'm working on a 1000 piece puzzle and I think I've already lost a piece.
Holy crap!!! I'm watching this guy on the discovery channel gnaw off pieces from a zebra's carcass while vultures circle round him. HE IS EATING RAW ZEBRA. HE JUST SAID IT WAS AWESOME.
Now I know how shit feels
For some reason, I always thought of myself as some kind of moral person. You know, just someone who would do the right thing because it was right. But I think that I've come to understand that it's not for any right reason, it's for fear ... for fear that I'd find out it was all a lie. That I was wrong. Or worse yet, that I was right. Because I don't want to be made the fool. And it's so not fair because I'd fill in the gaps and everything would change. I could never trust again.
It doesn't matter, though does it? Because I've won. Haven't I?
Now I know how poo feels
Wow. Last night, for the first time in a long time, I did something fun! That's not to say that I don't ever have fun doing the usual things that I do, but as this month's issue of Cosmo so adeptly put it, "Watching CSI on the couch for the millionth night in a row doesn't count as a date." So yesterday, some friends and I got together for barbecue and a trip to NightSlide, a night event at a waterpark here in Sacramento. I'm not a big roller coaster girl, so I'll be honest and say that my favorite "ride" was the wavepool, but hey! It was the only thing with heated water there, and last night was cold! I know, surprising that Sacramento could possibly be cold, but we picked the one night because we're that special.
The water slides were so much fun! The water slides were. I think that someone needs to have a discussion with planning enginners and explain that there's a big difference between a slide where you gently coast down on a cushion of water and just a big ol drop off a wall with some wimpy water squirts. This one called Stealth that dropped you four stories and into a parabola shaped receptacle that, if you remember algebra/geometry/physics, will shoot you equally up another four stories - then back and forth til you finally settle into the middle. We got halfway through the line then we all chickened out. We opted for another ride that resembled a giant toilet bowl and ended with pooping you out into the lazy river.
So you know what I've decided? It is most definitely certain that everything looks rosier in retrospect. Because I just read through some stuff I wrote a few summers ago. And I remember that summer being fun, but I don't remember it being that fun. But I read through it, and it so totally was! So I will make an increased effort to stick to this plan of writing more often because it does not matter if at this moment, my every day looks like "Watched 4 hours of Clean House" because honestly: in a few years, I will have degredated into such a state of More Boring, that today will look like fireworks.
It will also improve my typing skills, which are, as of right now, appalling.
Things I'd never done before 19th of July, 2008
* Gone on a double date
* Ridden a "water rollercoaster"
* Had people over for dinner
Oww.
Ow. I am sick. My neck won't turn to the right, my left ear is plugged, and my stomach wants me to throw up. I kind of want to die.
And if Tiny ever comes to get me, then I really have to go to the Career Faire, but who's gonna hire me when I look like the bearer of death and ask them to repeat everything several times because I only have one good ear?
Man, I really really really wish I had health insurance.
How sweet it is
17 Thursday (Today): Early work, got off, sleepy?
16 Wednesday: bad work day. Period. Period. . . Job Faire that was useless. It was the Summer Job Faire, so vendors represented were: Sacramento Probation Officers, Vegetable Packagers, UPS Sorters. I don't think any of them are right for me.
15 Tuesday: other bad work day. yuck.
14 Monday: I read the afternoon away. Yum.
13 Sunday: mandatory. icky. Ikea! Walmart!
12 Saturday: Car day! Car wash, car oil change, car air filter change! tipsy taxi, practially fell asleep.
Friday: Got info about subbing. Found out would need to livescan (again), get physical (again), take classes (again). Didn't mind all that, but I'd have to pay for it all. Do not have that kind of money. =( Must look into other options.
Losing my way
I'll not pretend that I haven't lost something of myself over this year+. I'll not pretend that I haven't been losing pieces of myself my whole life, but perhaps that is just the way it goes.
I've never thought that I was a particularly courageous girl, but every time I reflect, I seem to be that much more sessile.
I don't stay up til all hours of the night anymore. (Never mind that I can't, even if I wanted to. Perhaps this is worse.)
I don't go on expeditions at night. Not even to the grocery, much less walk 3 miles to a club in the dark of the night, by myself.
I don't even walk.
I don't drink too much, dance too strangely, be the object of any eye.
I never write (here or elsewhere) anymore. I never reflect. I never tell anyone how I feel.
What are these small details I've lost along the way? The part of myself that took more pictures than I do today, was less afraid to be alone, was less afraid to be a PART of someone else, was more passionate?
Where are the pieces of my lungs that I left in London, the pieces of my eardrums I left in New York, the days/nights I cried because life mattered and was worth crying, agonising, praying over?
Did I always close my eyes and wonder if I opened them that this was all a dream and I'm really 19, 18, 17, 16?
I suppose in all honesty, that answer is yes.
Thursday: Worked (drove) for 8 hrs, tried looking up teacher credentialling programs at the Internship and Career Center, was v. confused, went to the carnival, was chased away, am here.
Wednesday: Worked (drove) for 8 hrs (almost all double deck, hurray!), went to marketing office to save the day by finishing the newspaper ad (thankless job), came home, made pasta, fell asleep watching Law and Order. That felt good.
Tuesday: Worked (drove) for 8? hrs, wanted to kill some un-namable peple, got a headache, got allergy medication, made pasta dinner.
Monday:Worked til 9, had an interview at Russell Park Children Development Center for a part-time position as an infant teacher {I didn't get it, but will go in to talk about subbing tomorrow}.
Sunday:Went down to Half Moon Bay to see Joe and Theresa. Visited Foster City's Starbucks. Next door was my old sometimes-worked-at Jamba Juice
Saturday: Watched Firefly for HOURS.
Friday: Work, something...(what did we do? I've forgotten), Tipsy Taxi.
