Hello, Bay Area!
Hello, icy cold mornings. Hello, couch-bed. Hello, car that now squeaks when driving. Hello, 5 cd changer. Hello, computer! I missed you all.
Oh goodness, i'm glad to be back.
There's a place in California named "Whiskeytown."
Between 2 SD Sephoras, the one in downtown SF, and the one in Burlingame, not a single one had Lorac's "Cherish"
I got a new thingy of lipgloss called "pillow" and a thingy of blush called "soul."
I'm a fucking shop-a-holic. I am not even kidding. You should see all the shit i've gotten in the past two weeks.
I finally got that something corporate cd.
Some guy paid our fare on the Bay Bridge.
The skycap was super nice.
The cutest older couple was having dinner next to us.
I almost got my ears pierced. Silly Claire's. Silly mom. Rargh.
Could not find the Duncan Sheik CD anywhere...i'm sure its at Tower, though. Oh darn, i should've gone there tonight...oh well.
Oh that's funny, my shoulder ache came back. Haha i do find it kind of funny. in a painful way.
Enjoy your last day of the year 2003!
Nunc obdurat et tunc curat
Ludo mentis aciem, egestatem, potestatem
Dissolvit ut glaciem
Hac in hora sine mora
cordis pulsum tangite,
quod per sortem sternit fortem
mecum omnes plangite.
T-minus 10 hours 24 seconds
So tired. so very very tired.
Luckily i did my laundry so i actually have clothes to wear.
Eight more months, only eight more months...
You will never understand how much you mean to me. i don't know what i'll do 500 miles away from you.
Thanks for hauling ass to see me.
Thanks for the stamps.
Thanks for the shoulder to cry on.
I owe you big (and a pyrex dish).
Cross your fingers and hope she didn't schedule me for new year's day. i'll bet she did. because she thinks i'm a loser with no life who of course will work on the one day everyone else will have a hangover.
TV not educational my ass. Id, ego, superego. I got it. Thanks, buffy.
My shoulder hurts in that place where it hurts when i'm forced to do something i don't want to do. Except in the other shoulder.
Never did get that ice cream.
And when i said weepy, i wasn't kidding.
But i don't want to leave on a sour note. On the brighter side, i did get a new set of pictures! immesurable pleasure. even more when i get those digital pictures developed. hehe
I fell asleep this afternoon while trying to watch my overdue updated version of Hamlet.
I took a four hour "nap." haha i think i screwed my sleeping clock even more.
I don't know why i can't just sleep later in the mornings.
I'm watching the most-life-sucking-movie-ever (Better Luck Tomorrow) again. I don't know who told me that it was about the pressures smart kids face, but you seem to have missed out some very important parts out of your trailer. like that the smart kids KILL PEOPLE.
Hey wait, today's christmas. Hmmm fancy that.
Eep. I just imagined myself trying to pierce my own ear. Egad. Ahhhhhhh.
I downloaded the entire bbmak album. that was kind of pointless. heh.
I think it's time i wrote something coherent. lest i forget myself.
Yesterday at 10:11 in the morning, you could find me in a starbucks on jones at jefferson. i got my vanilla latte and peppermint hot chocolate and proceded to ask if there was a restroom available to the public.
"We don't have one in the store," came my reply, "but we share one with in-and-out. if you go outside, it's between in-and-out and the ::looks around and lowers voice:: hooters."
Then came the walk from fisherman's wharf to pier 39. i knew they were practically the same thing! caramel apple, north beach, photo spot, ddr, wet pants, huge presents, picture that should never surface...
Union square, checking card and parking garage, sephora, glitter eyeliner, blondie's pizza, 10 hour long line, scarf search, virgin (records), first restroom we didn't have to pay for, (oh yeah!) and the pounding on the bathroom door.
The red light i ran (okay, so the red lights i ran), the brownie sundae, the little girl who stared, probably the fifth san francisco bathroom we visited, the sound of the ocean.
The closed jamba juice, the warm starbucks. the comfy chairs and eggnog latte.
Buying some time (for free), catching the train, missed dinners. learning to lie.
let's just call it the day i lied my ass off to get what i wanted. i swear that was the only time, though
midnight mass, an hour and a half out in the cold, sleeping pictures (these pictures need to be stopped), the non-sleep of sleep, oy vey...now i remember what i did last night. err, i mean, what i didn't do last night.
Ruined christmases and new financial plans. At least i have options.
I found my proofs. the first ones. they were where they were supposed to be -- in the bag.
I just finished my grape soda. hey! i think that was the first bottle of soda i've finished in a long time!
If this is rain, don't ever stop raining. i love it.
Some things would be best described clandestine.
So this is like 0 days left in the shopping season, and i still have yet to get your christmas present. heh. ummm yeah.
I went to starbucks twice yesterday, came home, and fell asleep. rem rebound, what now
sunday i fell asleep with a balloon tied around my wrist and trying to bat it away.
Yesterday i drove in downtown san francisco, and i didn't kill us. much. haha minus the running a red light part. it's been a year since i got my license!
Who says you can't buy time? I bought 20 minutes for 50 cents.
no wait, not the contact sheet, just processing.
Oh dear, sometimes your body doesn't feel like your own. sometimes its really easy to do the silly things you do. sometimes its easier to just let your hair down and laugh.
Merry christmas, all. i know this year has been rough on us but you hung in there. i can't tell you if it gets easier from here on out, but you have someone (everyone) to catch you when you fall. When we're eighty, i hope you can look back on these days as i do and remember the good times. but if you can't, know that you'll always have me here to remind you.
I wish you love, health, and happiness. You're the best present a girl could ever get.
Jebus that was corny.
Looks like san diego is calling my name. but i hope to see you before the new year! if you get any weepy 2 am phonecalls, you know who it'll be. and when i said 2 in the morning, i wasn't kidding.
We tried to find the ice skating rink. We didn't know exactly where it was, so we got lost. I really don't mind getting lost. I mean i do, but the journey is half the point, so its never been that big of a deal for me. Instead of just asking someone for help, nerves ran raw and everyone was tense. This whole night was just the strangest thing for me. There was not a single thing that seemed remotely normal.
When we found it, things were okay. No one could really skate, so i was free to do my own thing. I can't skate well either, mind you, but well enough that if i was alone for two seconds no one would wonder why i was by myself. Not that i did. You can't be by yourself at a party. That's rude. So i'm skating. And this stupid Ice Patrol Kid (the kind that are supposed to make sure everyone is safe and no one is rowdy) is skating backwards and doens't see me. There i am, not really knowing how to skate, not knowing now to move out of the way quick enough or to stop, and he runs into me. I fell on to the ice and used my head to break my fall. I couldn't really do much after that - perhaps i was being a baby, but my head hurt like crazy. I think i suffered a minor concussion, but i refused to go to the doctor, so i suppose i'll never know for certain.
Somewhere along the line chase picked me up and drove me to my car. I crawled into bed around 10:30 and didn't even have enough strength to keep myself awake on the phone. I don't remember when i woke up, but apparently i had answered two phone calls in my sleep (one of which i actually remembered having) and work called me in two hours early for my shift.
Sunday was a blur of dizziness and frustration. I'm not gonna go into all the reasons i didn't have my car, but i know i was in bed less than 1 hour after i got home.
Yesterday was monday. i have no idea where half of my day went; i'm pretty sure i spent it in bed. not such a bad way to spend the first day of break.
it took me exactly one hour to get to my friend's birthday party.
My mom is mad at me, which is making me frustrated with her, and i don't know how to deal.
Sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand to protect you from the guys who shout at you as you walk down the street.
My stomach hurts like a mofo and i'm exhausted. I want to spend tomorrow (today) in bed, but i have a hundred things that need to be done. It's a game of catch-up, plain and simple.
Pacific sun, you should have warned us it gets so cold here
And the night can freeze before you set a fire
And our flames go unnoticed, diminished
Faded just as soon as they are fired
Oh how we shouted, how we screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you
When all our fears fall on deaf ears tonight
They're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies
Pacific sun, you should have warned us these heights are dizzying
And the climb can kill you long before the fall
And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and
Covered just as soon as they are crossed
Perhaps this is the road to recovery. Perhaps this is the road to madness. Only time will tell.
Hey, guess what today is. Today is tuesday. And do you remember what we (I) do on tuesdays? I stay up all night writing Shakespeare papers that were due on Monday. Heh. Four papers, four tuesdays. You'd think i'd learn.
I have never ever called any food rich in my entire life, but i couldn't even have four bites of my german chocolate brownie. The ice cream was great, though.
Temporarily missing in action...don't wonder why. i don't.
