Okay so this movie is called “the goriest fright film of all time”, why? Well it’s hard to explain. You should go rent the movie. Look for the un-rated version. Now that all that’s out of the way on to the review:
Directed By: Peter Jackson
Staring:
Lionel: Timothy Balme
Paquita: Dina Penalver
Mum: Elizibeth Moody
Father McGruder: Stuart Devenie
Plot:
So our story starts on Skull Island in 1957. With a New Zealand zoo official and a guide running with a bamboo crate. The next thing you know they are being chased by some Skull Islandites who are pissed about having the, ready for this, Sumarian Rat Monkey taken away. Long story short, the guy carrying the crate is bitten by the rat monkey and dismembered by his black guides.
Next enter Paquita, she has the hots for this Roger guy, but according to her voodoo gypsy grandmother’s heathen cards he is not the one for her, instead its our goofy mamma’s boy hero Lionel. This might take a while you should get some Jell-O Pudding and New Coke.
Well Lionel’s mum is bitten by the monkey, kills it, and catches a horrible case of the zombie. This is a huge problem. She then turns a nurse into a zombie and a bunch of thugs in a graveyard. That yields positive results, for we find that Father McGruder turns out to be a kung-fu ninja master. Further more he dishes out the best one-liners this side of Evil Dead Two.
The movie then takes an amazing twist when, wait, rent the fucking movie and find out for yourself. My poor choice of words can’t even begin to describe this bad ass movie
Quotes:
“Your mother ate my dog!” Paquita
“This calls for divine intervention” and “I kick ass for the lord” Father McGruder.
Special Effects:
The great thing about this movie is the obscene amount of gore. This movie has to be the goriest movie ever. The end scene made me realize that a lawnmower could cut more than grass, and killing is funny. Until I saw this, the only horror movies I watched were big budget crap-stravagandas this opened my eyes to a little thing called “dark-humor”.
So in closing, If you like “Evil-Dead” then rent this movie. If not, uh, eat me.
P.s. Contact me to find out where you can get it.
- Justin (AKA “Mr. Hetero”)