Chapter Fifty-One

Under normal circumstances the Phoenix Mall was a large and spacious structure with more than enough room for well over twenty people to live in, however Lex had quickly discovered that even if the mall was twice its size it would still not be large enough for him to cohabit peacefully with his wife, or rather near ex-wife, Tai-San.

Not a single day had passed since the Chosen had been overthrown that Tai-San did not hunt him down, begging him to let her talk to him, explain things to him, but he didn’t want to listen. He knew exactly what she would say and there was no way he was ready to hear it. His heart wasn’t ready to listen as she justified her betrayal.

Now, as he stood on the rooftop, half hanging over on the cold metal bar that ran along the ledge to keep people from accidentally falling over, Lex knew he could no longer avoid her. She had followed him up to the roof, standing behind him for over twenty minutes before finally whispering his name so softly, so full of grief.

Finally, Lex turned, keeping his expression neutral, making sure he masked his own pain from her all-seeing eyes. “Yes?” He asked, his voice choking slightly with emotion.

“Oh Lex.” Tai-San breathed out, her lovely almond shaped eyes pooling with tears. She looked stunning, her jet black hair pulled away from her face and arranged in a very elaborate style at the back of her head. She had several decorative chopsticks jutting out throughout, adding a finishing touch to the ‘do. “Please, we need to talk.”

Lex nodded, feeling his heart seize up in his chest. When he had first heard the words passed between Tai-San and the Guardian he had wanted to beat down the door, go into her room and rip them apart, telling the Guardian to stay away from her. It was only after several days reflection that Lex realized Tai-San had been the aggressor in the relationship, just as she was in all of her relationships. Being in control was extremely important to this Oriental beauty.

“Will you talk with me, Lex?” Tai-San watched him carefully, her eyes not quite believing what she was seeing.

“Sure, why not.” Lex shrugged, feigning indifference. He always told himself that it hurt less when you didn’t care, even when you pretended it didn’t care, so why did his heart feel like it had been ripped form his chest then hurtled from the roof the mall, left to shatter on the cold pavement below.

“Lex, I love you.” Tai-San began, taking a hesitant step forward. “You have to believe me when I say that. I know that you know what happened, or rather what was supposed to happen between the Guardian and I, but I can assure you, nothing did happen. We, I… Our relationship wasn’t like that.”

Lex snorted, feeling all the pain and anger built up over the past several days begin to ooze out in his speech. “Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t want to sleep with him, Tai-San? That you wouldn’t have slept with him even though you threw yourself at him the night before your ‘coronation.’”

“What?” Tai-San gasped, and Lex knew she was going to try and deny it. “Nothing like that happened, Lex. You have to believe me.”

Lex shook his head, his lips curling up in an angry sneer. “That’s just the thing, Tai-San, I can’t believe you because I know better. I was there.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“I was outside you room, Tai-San.” Lex spat. “You were going to boink the Guardian’s brains out, only he said no. He said you had to remain pure. You were the Supreme Mother. Remember?”

Tai-San’s face was ashen and once again she was on the brink of tears. “Please, Lex, you misunderstood. I wouldn’t have. I mean, it wouldn’t have been like that. The resistance, we didn’t know what was going on. We were confused and frustrated. We needed to stop the Guardian. We had no idea you were coming. So I went undercover—“

“Undercover is right.” He snorted.

“No, not like that!” She exclaimed, the tears were now streaming down her cheeks, but Lex was unmoved. He had seen her conjure up tears on demand before. “I had to, Lex. I had to, don’t you see? It was the only way to get close to the Guardian, learn his secrets, try and stop him… I didn’t do it because I wanted to, Lex. I did it for you. For the others. I did it for the good of the tribe.”

Lex bit down hard on his tongue to keep himself from shouting at her the second the words slipped past her lips. “How did I know you were going to say that?” He said at last, his voice a harsh whisper. “For the good of the tribe. You used those very same words on me, Tai-San. Remember?”

Tai-San nodded slowly, her head dropping.

“But I remember more than that too.” Lex glared at her. “I also remember you telling me how you wouldn’t have slept with me if you didn’t care at all. That you wouldn’t have been able to do it. You remember that?”

“I…” Tai-San looked up, the tears dry now. “Yes, Lex. I remember.”

“So you’re saying you cared for the Guardian? You cared for that monster!”

“He is not a monster!” Tai-San insisted, emotional once again. “You don’t know him like I do!”

“I don’t want to know him like you do!” Lex was furious now. He knew he had not exactly been a patron saint himself during his separation from his wife, that he had had feelings for Amber, but Amber was not the Guardian by a long shot.

“Please, Lex. Don’t yell at me.” Tai-San begged. “I-I can’t take it.”

“Then maybe you should have thought about that before you fell for the Guardian.” Lex growled. It had been a very long time since he had felt this angry, this betrayed. “I can’t trust you, Tai-San. Never again.”

“B-but do you love me?” She looked up, whispering.

Lex stopped, not knowing what to say. He knew that a part of his heart would always belong to this lovely Asian woman who had helped him to see the world in a much different light, but now all he could see when he looked into her face was a woman who was in love with a madman, a monster. That wiped away all the loveliness.

“Do you love me, Lex?” She whispered again.

Lex stared down at her, knowing that there was no way he could answer her. Instead, he stepped away from the balcony, brushing past her and praying that she would not call him back.

~*~*~

Salene stared at the large city map Zandra had spread out on the table in front of them. She had marked several locations as to where the Chosen might have taken Ryan, a prisoner from the mall. There were about six of them, all spread throughout the city, though none of them too terribly far from the mall.

Zandra gave Salene an encouraging smile as she stared across the table at the taller redhead. “I’m sure the majority of the Chosen have heard of the Guardian’s defeat and have begun their retreat to the safe house. The prisoners… Ryan, should still be in the area.”

“There are still a lot of places.” Salene murmured softly, trying to feel as hopeful as she had felt after Cloe had suggested speaking to Zandra about Ryan’s whereabouts. She had hoped Zandra would know exactly where her childhood friend might be stationed, but obviously that information had been kept from the once Chosen lieutenant, perhaps purposely.

“These two are the most likely.” Zandra pointed to the two locations furthest apart as a curly tendril of sapphire blue hair fell across her face. “When I left the Chosen I tried to download as many prisoner location files as possible, but there was no information on Ryan yet.”

“That’s alright.” Salene shrugged her shoulders, burning the locations on the map into her memory. She knew she could not take this map with her. She could only store them in her mind. “Do you think I’ll be able to find him?”

Zandra’s brow furrowed and a wave of jealousy washed over Salene. Zandra was so beautiful, so petite and adorable. She well remembered how anxious she was when she first developed feelings for Ryan and knew that he would always be comparing her to this ravishing young woman.

“I don’t see why not.” Zandra locked gazes with Salene and suddenly the redhead felt as if she was staring directly into Zandra’s soul. “I know you love him very much, Salene. Even if you’re not aware of just how much you love him right now. I hope you find him. I really do.”

“I do too.” Salene whispered softly, feeling her heart flutter inside her. It had been a long time since she had really felt anything except for misery and depression. Guilt had clouded her emotions and yet, speaking with Cloe and now Zandra seemed to spark something inside her she thought had died after she had first uttered the words ‘Zoot be praised.’

“When are you planning on leaving?” Zandra inquired politely as she began to fold up the map and replace it in the locked steel box the Mall Rats kept all the important documents such as maps and printouts in.

“After the party tomorrow night.” Salene explained. “That way I will have a chance to say goodbye to everyone and to prepare for my journey.”

“Party?” Zandra stared at her blankly.

“Yeah.” Salene nodded quickly, remembering how she had just learned of it right before she had come to talk to Zandra. Ocelot had been spreading the word. “A going away party for the Gaians mixed with a bit of celebration for defeating the Chosen.”

“Going away party?” Zandra seemed to pale as she choked on the words. “For the Gaians? All the Gaians?”

“I would guess so. I really don’t know, though.” Salene was puzzled by Zandra’s strange behavior. She barely knew any of the Gaians, even those who had been held prisoner at the mall, so their going away did not have much of an affect on her, but obviously Zandra had become closer to them than Salene had.

“I see.” Zandra nodded, her lips forming into what looked like a forced smile. “Well, thanks for letting me know. I, uh, well, I guess I need to try and find something to wear, huh?”

“I was meaning to ask you about that,” Salene smiled a genuine smile, “You always had a knack for picking out clothes. Do you think maybe you could help me find something nice to wear?”

“Sure.” Zandra nodded. “I don’t see that as being a problem. It’d be fun. Just like old times.”

“Yeah. Like old times.” Salene whispered, remembering how old times had been with Zandra chasing after Lex, Ryan chasing after Zandra and herself chasing after Ryan. “So maybe later on this afternoon?”

“Sounds great.” Zandra bobbed her head up and now with forced enthusiasm. “I’ll meet up with you in the café, okay?”

“Great.” Salene turned to walk out of the room, nearly bumping into the handsome young Gaian whom she seemed to recall being named after a bird of some sort. His name eluded her at the moment, however, so she just gave him a faint smile and a nod, then brushed past him, intent on packing her few belongings in preparation for her journey.

~*~*~

Zandra had barely had a chance to recover from the blow caused by Salene’s rather sudden news of the Gaians departure before she came face to face with the one man she really didn’t want to see at that moment. He was looking better than usual, nearly completely recovered from the minor injuries he had sustained during the final battle against the Chosen.

“Hi Hawk.” Zandra greeted him with forced cheerfulness as she replaced the metal strongbox in the bottom drawer of one of the only desks that remained intact in the entire city. “Is there something I could do for you?”

Hawk, seeming a little uncomfortable, returned Zandra’s smile and quickly made his way over to the seat that Salene had vacated only moments before. “I was wondering if we could talk, Zandra.”

“Talk?” Zandra stared at him, knowing that he was going to tell her that he was leaving the city the next day. She shouldn’t be upset the way she was. She barely knew the man, and yet something inside her knew that she was going to miss him terribly after he left. “Sure. What about?”

“I’m leaving.”

Zandra nodded, preparation for the words not softening the blow at all. “I know.” She pursed her lips together tightly. “Salene just told me there is a going away party for all the Gaians tomorrow night, though she didn’t say when you were planning on leaving exactly.”

“The next morning.” Hawk explained, his dark eyes clouded with an emotion that Zandra refused to read. “I wanted to come and let you know myself before you found out from anyone else, but I guess I’m too late for that, huh?”

“That’s alright. I really appreciate you coming to talk to me.” Zandra told him truthfully. Somehow, just the knowledge that he thought enough of her to tell her that he was leaving was enough to send her heart soaring and yet plummeting at the exact same moment. “But why are you leaving so soon? It feels like we just got here.”

“I know.” He nodded as he tugged nervously on the cords of his sweatshirt, “But as much as I like being here in the city, it’s not where I belong. I feel so enclosed, all the buildings, the concrete… Living in the forest for the past two years has really changed me. I don’t think there’s any way I could live in the city again. Visit, yes, but live, no.”

“You will come and visit then, right?” Zandra felt her heart leap slightly at the thought of this goodbye not being completely final.

“Of course.” He assured her with a bright smile. “Just try and keep me away.”

“Good.” This small counsel was still not enough to lift her spirits, but it enabled her to smile at the handsome Gaian. “You better.”

“And you can come visit us at the village too.” Hawk suggested suddenly. “It’s not that far and several of the Gaians are remaining. You could come and visit when they come.”

“I’d like that.” Zandra smiled softly as she remembered the quiet serenity of the Gaian village. Even after the gruesome battle that took place there, she remembered a certain calmness of the village, something that quieted her spirit and gave her a sense of belonging that she had not felt since before the days of the virus. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Great.” Hawk rose from his seat suddenly, nearly knocking the chair out from under him. “Well, I’ve really gotta get going. Pride wanted my help with a few things. We’re trying to repair some of the mall securities before we head out, so yeah…”

Zandra walked over and gave him a spontaneous hug, not really knowing why she did so. “Thank you, Hawk. I feel much safer now knowing that you’re taking care of that. I never did like this rinky dink old mall anyway. Not even when it was open and had the best prices on shoes in the entire city.”

“Best prices on shoes?” He raised an eyebrow.

“You may not be able to tell now,” Zandra glanced down at her rather plain soft brown suede trousers that she had paired with an off white peasant top decorate with tiny pink rosebuds, “But I used to be quite the fashion queen. Just ask anyone. I would come up with the craziest, zaniest outfits. Some of them were pretty horrible, looking back on it now, but it was fun.”

“You know, I can really believe that.” Hawk nodded with a smile. “But I think you look really good now too.”

“Thank you.” She felt her cheeks coloring. “That means a lot to me.”

Hawk nodded, then began to walk out the door, turning back once to give her a half wave before he left her completely, leaving her feeling utterly alone and without a true place of belonging.

~*~*~

Amber scanned the rather long list of things that needed to be done before the party the following evening. They had already divvied up most of the tasks, but Amber and Ebony were in the process of going over the finer things, the things that they knew would probably be overlooked if they didn’t.

“I already asked KC if he’d be the DJ.” Ebony informed her, her eyes traveling down the list. “He’s really good at that. He’s spun for a few parties before and always does a good job.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Amber grinned ruefully. “I was there.”

“Oh yeah.” Ebony looked up and returned Amber’s smile, though sheepishly. “I always forget. You were that Mara Jade girl, right?”

“Yeah.” Amber nodded. “And you didn’t recognize me. Of course, no one really did back then. I thought Lex was going to for a bit, but I think he was too drunk to really realize who I was.”

“Lex went through a rough spot for awhile back then.” Ebony sighed wearily. “He didn’t handle Zandra’s death too well. Turned to the bottle. Lost himself in that. Tai-San really brought him out of it, but now I don’t know who’s going to bring him out of it this time.”

“What do you mean?” Amber’s head shot up, wondering what exactly Ebony was inferring to. She had not spoken to Lex since before they had overthrown the Chosen. Not really, anyway. In fact, she had been doing her best to avoid him, though lately it didn’t seemed like he had stopped seeking her out.

“With Tai-San.” Ebony commented, watching Amber carefully. “Tai-San and the Guardian. I’m sure he’s not taking that too well. Lex really loved Tai-San, though I never really liked the relationship.”

“Oh, I had forgotten about that.” Amber flushed guiltily, realizing that she had blocked the memory of Lex and Tai-San being married from her mind. She hadn’t been there to witness the event and Lex had never exactly acted like a married man when he was around her…

“Can I ask you a question Amber?” Ebony inquired suddenly, breaking into Amber’s thoughts.

“Of course.”

“And you swear you’ll be completely honest with me?”

“I swear it.” Amber nodded.

“Pinky swear?” Ebony suddenly stuck out the pinky on her right hand.

“Okay, sure, whatever.” Amber mimicked the gesture and they made a traditional pinky swear. “What’s your question?”

“What’s going on between you and Lex?”

“Huh?” Amber started, not realizing that the friction between she and the raven-haired Mall Rat was that obvious. Amber had hoped everyone was too wrapped up in the going ons of the Chosen and the Rebels to really pay attention to something minor like a few sparks and stolen kisses.

“Okay, let me rephrase. I know that there is something, I’m not sure what, going on between you and Lex,” Ebony continued, her eyes locking with Amber, holding her in place and refusing to let her run. “But what I want to know is what is going inside of you? Are you falling for him?”

“For Lex?” Amber tried to force an expression of disgust, though failed miserably. “Heck no. He’s the complete opposite of my type.”

“You mean the complete opposite of Bray.” Ebony made a face.

“Bray is not my type.” Amber’s expression near mirrored Ebony. “Once upon a time he was the type of guy that I told myself I should fall for and after I did I realized how stupid that was, that I need a guy different than a guy like Bray, but—“

“Lex is as different as they come.”

“I don’t love Lex, Ebony.” Amber insisted. “Why can’t you get that through your head.”

“I never accused you of loving him.” Ebony gave her a sly wink. “All I asked was if you were falling for him, but I think you answered that question already.”

“I’m not, Ebony. I swear I’m not.” Amber swallowed the lump in her throat. “I-I made a pinky swear that I’d tell you the truth, and I am. I don’t love Lex.”

“But you’re falling for him.”

Amber said nothing, finally able to break her gaze away from Ebony’s.

“I thought so.” Ebony grinned, satisfied, then added quickly, “For what it’s worth, I think you two would be perfect for each other.”