Reflections on Life in Paradise

Cpt. Bob Keller's

homepage in Hawaii

Professional Resume

           Square Dance Caller Extraordinaire - Professional Joke Killer - World Traveler - Double Agent - Knight of the Realm
           Singer of  Sentimental Ballads - Soft Shoe Dancer - Captain Courageous - Public Relations Guru - River Boat Gambler  
           Soldier of Fortune - Leaps Buildings In A Single Bound - Starfighter - Last Of The Big-Time Spenders - Space Journeyed 
           Wars Fought - Revolutions Started - Governments Run - Uprisings Quelled - Football Games Fixed - Civilizations Destroyed  
           Tigers Tamed - Bears Trained - Bores Bored - Bars Emptied - Orgies Organized - Lost Souls Saved - Brain Surgery Performed  
                                               Revenge Wreaked - Dinosaurs Neutered


Cpt. Bob at his best, reclining on deck

Matters discussed here are:

You can click on each item to go directly there--

1. Send a Note 2. Today's Word and Chuckle 3. Personal Profile

4. *High Return Venture Capital Opportunity *
5. *Cancer Cure* 6.Masonry in Hawaii 7. Square Dance Page 8. Sailing in Hawaii
9. Guy Stuff - Humor 10. Last Word 11. Disclaimer - must read stuff

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entered 5/19/98

This page is ALWAYS under construction and changes regularly.
Give it a few seconds to load up. There's lots of fun stuff here. There are links here you will want to keep.


Number of hits from 3/12/96 til 3/12/97 - - 50,000 - - or about 137 per day
Who cares!


Labor Day is about here. End of Summer and time to think about what you want to accomplish before the end of the year. Got yer Christmas shopping done? Better get started...


Much of the enjoyment of surfing is contacting other fellow surfers. Each time you bring up an interesting Homepage, zip off a quick note. There's an infinate variety of creatures that are out there waiting to become your friend. Surfing really isn't much fun unless you "fly united", so don't be afraid to connect. So, please include your homepage address and E-MAIL ADDRESS when sending me email Cpt. Bob. Thanks.

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I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals...Winston Churchill

As a child I learned that a most difficult task was to baptize cats.


Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

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Born in Nevada in 1938. Raised in many western states. Previously from Idaho, Arizona, California, and all points out West. An alumni from Arizona State and Boise State Universities. Have lived in Hawaii last 15 years. SWM with some mileage at 60 years. Work in Hawaii as the Facilities Engineer with Hawaiian Electric Co. and have various entrepreneurial interests. I Enjoy skiing at Telluride, Vail, and most western ski areas, traveling in Mexico and Philippines, am a licensed yacht Captain and enjoy sail boat racing in Hawaii and cruising in Hawaii, the Caribbean and the Bahamas, scuba diving anywhere, enjoy country western and square dancing in Hawaii, if you can believe that. I'm Past Master of my Masonic Lodge, the the King Kalakaua Daylight Lodge, F&AM, in Honolulu, I'm very active in Rotary and am the square dance caller/teacher for the North Shore Twirlers Square Dance Club out in the country in Hale'iwa, across the island from Honolulu. In Rotary, I am a member of the Honolulu Club, the oldest and largest Rotary Club in Hawaii. I have earned several Rotarian of the Month awards for service to the community and am a Bridge Officer in the International Yachting Fellowship of Rotarians.

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HAWAII is a beautiful place to live, truly a Paradise in the Pacific. The following are links which will take you on a journey through Paradise: With a properly configured browser and sound card you should have heard the song "Hawaii Aloha" which is located at the Bishop Museum Home Page, a site well worth browsing for information about Hawaii and its peoples.

Links to Hawai'i sites on the Web

Hawai’i - The Big Islaand
The Land
Flora and Fauna
The People
Sports and Recreation
Festivals, Holidays and Events
Special topics
Bishop Museum

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I live in Hawai'i which has good reason to be called "Paradise". It really has unbleievable clean beaches and surf that stretches on forever, palms swaying in the gentle trades, great sailing and Waikiki for great fun and entertainment.

So, I was in this scruffy little bar in Angeles City in the Philippines and I looked across at the table near the door. There sat a bald old grizzled and unshaven cogger, late sixties if a nickle, hunched over the table with a bottle of cold San Miguel in his hand. On his right arm clung the most gorgous twenty year old beauty with raven black hair, bright twinkling eyes and a body that would send any red blooded male into total ballistics. On his left was one even more beautiful, trying to caress a gentle peacefullness into his few gray locks while planting her rich full lips against his leathery cheek. And, Yes, he did have a smile on his tired old face.

As I watched this grizzeled old fossil bask in the joy of the attention of these scantily dressed young felines, I reflected, "Hawai'i my shorts, this is real Paradise".

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Check these LINKS out!

Links to other sites on the Web

Country Western Dancing - Hawai'i
Scottish Rite Masons
Masonry in Hawai'i
Hawai'i Shriners
Hawai'i Attractions
Hawai'i vistior information


Square Dancers, plan to visit the islands for the Hawaii State Convention in January, 1999. Also, plan to join us on the "Star of Honoluu", a 247 foot cruise vessel for the after party sponsored by the North Shore Twirlers Square Dance Club for dancing on board with many callers, fun dances and fun badges, whale watching, cruise of Pearl Harbor and visit the Arizona Memorial. What fun. These are but a few of the fun things happening in Paradise. E-mail me at Cpt Bob to get in on the fun.

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This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog: don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; jokes subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; all models are over 18 years of age; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; Do not remove this tag under penalty of law; Confined Space - Do Not Enter; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; jokes may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our guns-for-jokes trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; joke contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a comedian; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; joke offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; please remain seated until the jokes have come to a complete stop; jokes in the mirror may be funnier than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

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