I Kissed Dating Goodbye
The book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, was given to me as a
gift a few years ago. It saved me from a potential
'defective dating relationship', and after reading it again
recently, I believe the points given have the capability of
changing your life too. Instead of explaining in my own words
the purpose of this book, I'll give the opportunity to its
author, Joshua Harris.
"Our ultimate purpose is not to figure out if Christians should
date and, if so, how. Instead, as you read, I hope you look at
the aspects of your life that dating touches--the way you treat
others, the way you prepare for your future mate, your personal
purity--and attempt to bring these areas into line with God's
Word."
*I'd love to post the entire book here on the web, but realizing
that impossibility, I will attempt to do what I can here to give
you a picture of its contents, and possibly give you some quick
ideas that you can use right away in your own life and relationships.*
This is Joshua speaking, "Over the past four years, I've come to
understand that God's lordship doesn't merely tinker with my
approach to romance--it completely transforms it. God not only
wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently--
to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective, to
have a new lifestyle and attitude. The basis of this new
attitude is what I call 'smart love'. Paul describes this kind
of love in Philippians 1:9-10:"
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more
in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to
discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day
of Christ."
"Smart love constantly grows and deepens in its practical
knowledge and insight; it opens our eyes to see God's best for
our lives, enabling us to be pure and blameless in His sight."
On page 25, Josh expounds on this..."The final benefit of
seeking smart love is purity and blamelessness
before God. This purity goes beyond sexual purity. While
physical purity is very important, God also wants us to pursue
purity and blamelessness in our motives, our minds, and our
emotions.
Does this mean we'll never mess up? Of course not! We can only
stand before Bod because of His grace and the sacrifice of His
Son, Jesus. And yet this grace doesn't give us license to be lax
in our pursuit of righteousness. Instead, it should urge us to
desire purity and blamelessness even more."
The Seven Habits Of Highly Defective Dating
1) Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.
"Often dating encourages intimacy for the sake of intimacy--two
people getting close to each other without any real intention of
making a long-term commitment. It's like going mountain
climbing with a partner who isn't sure that she wants the
responsibility of holding your rope."
2)Dating tends to skip the 'friendship' stage of a relationship.
"C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by
side toward a common goal. Their mutual interest brings them
together...One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and
girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly."
3)Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
"Two people who date each other want to feel that they're
special to each other, and they can concretely express this
through physical intimacy. But if many people in dating
relationships really examined the focus of their relationships,
they'd probably discover that all they have in common is lust."
4)Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
"The exclusive attention so often expected in dating
relationships has a tendency to steal people's passion for
serving in the church and to isolate them from the friends who
love them most, family members who know them best, and sadly,
even God, whose will is far more important than any romantic
interest."
5)Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their
primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
"One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young
adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills.
Instead of equipping themselves with the character, education,
and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow
themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating
emphasizes."
6)Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.
"God gives us singleness--a season of our lives unmatched in its
boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service--and
we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping
boyfriends and girlfriends. Instead of enjoying the unique
qualities of singleness, dating causes people to focus on what
they don't have."
7)Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating
another person's character.
"Being fun on a date doesn't say anything about a person's
character or ability to be a good husband or wife. They need to
see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends.
They need to watch each other serving and working. Ask, how does
he interact with the people who know him best? How does she
react when things don't go perfectly? When considering a
potential mate, we need to find the answers to these kinds of
questions--questions that dating won't answer."
"The job of guarding our hearts is a big responsibility. It
takes place in the secret places of devotion. In honest prayer
and meditation on God's Word, we scrape the film of infatuation,
lust, and self-pity from our hearts.
Yes, our hearts are deceitful, but the promise of 1 John 3:20
gives us hope in our labor: "For God is greater than our hearts,
and he knows everything." God's strength can help see us
through the upheavals of our emotions. He will help and
sustain us as we trust in Him and faithfully guard our hearts.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye can be found at the
Young Disciple Online Book Store
or at most any Christian book centre.
Book Review: His Perfect Faithfulness--A Love Story Built By God
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