It is with great gladness and a lightening of heart that I did peruse your missive received this last week, for most assuredly did I fret at the thought of you burdened with the running of our estates alone. I am now greatly relieved to read of your well being and success, and the focused sense of purpose that I didst perceive within your correspondence - so much so, that I can now relax my fears for your safety and well being, and with an even greater sense of purpose direct my attention to the matters at hand.
As you are no doubt aware, my entry into England was successfully accomplished under the guise of a spice merchant fleeing angry debtors, and apart from a clumsy attempt by the most ragged highwayman imaginable to relieve me of my purse outside of Dover, there has been nothing worthy of note since the debacle of Calais. (Of which word has reached me that Captain de Roquefort succumbed to a fever as a result of the wound I inflicted - I am sure his crew will not mourn long for he was as poor a master of his ship as of his sword.)
It was two days hence that I did present both myself and the forged letters of marque to the Admiralty, and so pleased were they at the thought of my assistance that they barely glanced at the contents, let alone questioned their authenticity. Why are the lives of so many good men placed within the hands of such blinded fools?
I have since then taken board at an inconspicuous inn dockside, as I await the gathering and provisioning of the force I am to lead. I have been instates as Captain of the HMS Conquest, and although the final command of the flotilla rests with Lord Richard Whitby, I am left in little doubt that it is I that shall determine what course of action these vessels will follow. Whitby has not set foot upon a moving deck for almost a dozen years, and does so now only to share in the glory of what is seen to be a certain victory. How can they think of failure when one of the very corsairs they intend to destroy leads them?
I expect it shall still be a good seven to ten days before we sail, so I have at least another week's untroubled sleep of the innocent, for once at sea, how shall I sleep surrounded by the very men that, Judas like, I lead unto certain destruction and death?
Fear not, I am now too deeply enmeshed within this web of deceit to cease the dire course of action now set in motion, but my resolve is greatly weakened. If only you could see the faces of the crew as they look at me with uplifted faces not dissimilar to those they keep for the Church, for surely I am now their earthly Messiah! It is I that guarantees them victory, glory, and riches! It is I that will keep them hale, safe, and return them to loved ones. And so as sheep led to the abattoir’s bloody yard, it is with total trust and faith that these men will follow me to their death.
These men, my crew - these are good men! The older members are not too different than those friends I leave behind with you, and given time we would undoubtedly have become close. And the boys - all night I hear their exuberant, excited shouts as they apprehensively face their first voyage, their first taste of battle, and their burgeoning manhood; all three milestones converging as storm clouds upon this very dock, centering upon the gleaming beacon of my tortured soul. I see them led by the local harlots behind the crates on the dock, drunk with rum for the first time, drunk with lust for the first time - and minutes later reappearing, almost totally transformed as they now walk with a confident swagger to their gait, and speak with deeper timbre to their voices. No longer boys, but not yet men.
I had not anticipated this critical self evaluation and doubt whilst at home. They were simply the enemy, and deserved nothing but death's cold embrace. But now they become Roberts and Peters, Michaels and James'. They become flesh and blood like you and me - they laugh, they love and weep.
So even now I see that my very damnation is assured, I shall wander down to the docks and ensure that all is correctly in hand for our voyage, and I shall smile and wave and pass the time of day with those that I will all too soon murder.
Pray for me, your beloved.