I have so much to talk of this time. It has been an eventful few weeks since I last wrote. I wish that I had actually taken the time to split this up into a few entries instead of writing it all down in a huge installment. I guess that's the consequence of having a lot to write about; having little time to write about it.

Anyhow, I just had a most wondrous weekend. Positive stuff just seemed to keep happening for me. First off, the weather was gorgeous. I think it got all the way up to 80 degrees F yesterday! It was rather funny to come in to work this morning and see a few silly people who managed to get sunburns already....heh. I didn't actually spend all that much time outside, but it was nice to be able to open up the windows on the house and to drive down the road with the wind blowing through my hair. Going about without even a jacket was such a relief.

Saturday when I got home, I had my new CDs waiting for me from BMG. Last week I ordered a bunch of music since it's been a while since I bought something new. I got Billy Joel's Greatest Hits finally, so I can take all my individual CDs out of my travel case. I also got greatest hits from Foreigner and Howard Jones, to continue fleshing out my 80's collection. Finally I got Savage Garden's first album which I've been meaning to get for a few years now. I've been bouncing to my new music for the past day or two.

Most of my Saturday was spent on a prayer retreat with the Cleveland Catholic Diocese Gay and Lesbian Ministry. This is part of what I found out about back in October when I was at the Catholic Young Adult conference. I got the flyer for this event in the mail many weeks ago, but I did not decide to actually go until Friday. I do not think I could have found a better way to spend my Saturday.

I was really surprised by one aspect, which was the age range. I expected a young crowd for whatever reason, and found myself in a group of gays and lesbians who ranged in age from early 20's all the way up to one lady in her 70's. In that sense, it truly is a cross section of the Church, but represented by gays and lesbian members. Things seemed to be fairly evenly split between men and women, which was for me a new setting from a gay perspective.

It was great to see what a vibrant group of people it is. There were a few couples there, both male and female. There was one pair of women who had been together for 25 years. One of the two had not been Catholic previously, but went through the process to join the church, and chose to have her Confirmation ceremony during the closing Mass with us on Saturday. It was such a special opportunity to see such faith and spiritual growth and sharing happening within a gay group. It is always unsettling to me to see how many people have left the Church in part because of its stance on homosexuality. To see someone enter the Catholic despite that stance is truly a miracle in my eyes.

I was able to have a long discussion over lunch with the Jesuit brother who was the spiritual director for the retreat. We talked about the position of the church on homosexuality, and all kinds of things like same-sex marriage, etc... We also had a few group discussion sessions during the day centering on Biblical passages relating to the Lenten season. I ws very happy with how things were done. The sexuality aspect wasn't overblown or ignored, but was folded quite nicely into the various activities throughout the day.

During one of the discussions I metioned something about showing the world that gays are not all "dancing naked people" (DNPs for short) but regular people you see everyday. Everyone in my group got a kick out of this, so whenever the concept came up, we would all have a good giggle about the DNPs.....some of the people I met were a total riot!

I'm planning to start going to the monthly meetings they have (there are two groups actually on different sides of the city.) I'm also planning to keep abreast of the work being done to form a Young Adult group. I am very interested in doing outreach with the various Newman centers at the colleges within the Cleveland Diocese. I think there is a strong need for that, based on the number of gay people I know who are ex-Catholics...it doesn't need to be that way, as I've discovered, but so many people don't feel there is a place for them in the Church.

Saturday after the retreat, I got a call from some of the LEIMUN staff, wanting me to go out with them for drinks. I was a bit weary from the day, but I decided to try to make it. I'm glad I did, because I got some very good social time. I crashed at Christie's place near Coventry and ended up spending most of Sunday hanging out there. On a whim I bought a CD from the used CD place, Color Me Badd.....heh. For those who don't remember them, Color Me Badd was a male R&B quartet from the early 90's. I rather like their lighthearted funky romantic style, bet everyone else seems to laugh at me about this. Besides that, we ate mexican, had ice cream, and took a short walk about Coventry.

Thursday night I had a dream. I suppose that's not too strange in itself. However, this particular dream had Bryan and Matt in it, or at least people that resembled them enough that I knew it was supposed to be them. My dreams tend to be like that....not too many actual people, but a lot of people trying really hard to look like actual people. Anyhow, the three of us did fun stuff in the dream... There was no sex though. That's another hallmark of my dreams, never can I recall ever actually having sex in a dream. It's all like this big tease by my subconscious.....rather rude, IMHO. So, anyhow, I did get an e-mail from Bryan Friday, so I guess that it was a premonition or something. I was also thinking about the possibilities of making a little side trip to KC this summer....there is a definite possibility if time and money conspire in my favor. But more on that later.

The previous couple of weeks were dominated by Model UN activities, but I did do some fun stuff with my CWRU friends. I managed to get in my extra hours the other week at work, before going out with the gang for Missy's birthday. Service was slow at the Olive Garden, as per usual, but the food was good, and we came back and played Cranium and some MarioKart 64 at Missy's before the night was over. That day I also bought a really good book, "A Place at the Table" by Bruce Bawer. It takes a look at the recent struggle for gay rights (well, in 1993, but it's still very applicable) from a conservative gay perspective. This is another book that I cannot reccommend highly enough to anyone. If I could force people to read this book, I would. The CWRU gang and I got together again the middle of last week. This time we were joined by my former housemates, Dan and Andrew for dinner at the Lizard. We had an amazingly good time, and again ended the evening with some Nintendo over at Missy's.

Two weekends ago we had the NorthCoast High School Model UN at Kent State Ashtabula branch campus. I was designated as the DJ for the staff party, so I had been frantically gathering up the last MP3s that I could manage to fill out my collection. It also turns out that I got to chair my own Security Council committee again via the process of staff attrition leading to vacancies. My co-chair Nicole was new to staff, but she was possibly the best person I have had in that position to assist with the committee duties. I had an amazingly pleasant committee experience overall. Usually, the delegates are much less prepared than I expect, or there are too many rude and unruly people, causing me much stress. This was not the case this time around....it was probably the most pleasant committee chairing experience I've ever had. I ended up giving out more awards than usual as a result, but I really don't feel that bad about it because of the good experience it was.

I continued my coming out process with the LEIMUN group over the weekend. Really it's not a coming out process anymore as much as it is a wholesale rampage. It has been a most casual coming out, no stress or issues. So I think it's pretty much general knowledge on staff at this point. There are a few other gays and lesbians on staff, so this is probably the most casual area of my life to be out in. It's completely a non-issue for people. I was telling someone that I think the staff is probably one of the few areas in my life where I think the gay population might be at the theoretical 10% level. We sortof coined the term "the 10% club" based on that observation.....rather amusing.....heh.

I got a lot of social time during the conference weekend, getting to know a lot more staff members at the parties and other functions. I think that the staff party went great too....it ended up that Doc and Rocky pulled out the guitars and had a little jam session, reliving some of the staff parties in the old days. That was a lot of fun, since I was never around to experience those times. Then when they got tired of playing I started in with the MP3s for the rest of the evening. I think I ended up making a lot of people happy. It was nice because I was able to fill a lot of requests from people and hit a variety of things for everyone. I hope that I get asked to do that again because it was really gratifying for me.

Eh, in closing, I thought I'd review my year goals so far. We'll call this the first hundred days, since it's only a bit past that. Well, the job thing is still going strong after over two months. That was #1. I have to say that the social life aspect seems to be going well without too much effort. I've been getting together regularly with both my friends and former roommates from school and with the LEIMUN crowd. I also think the gay and lesbian Catholic group could be a contributor to a very positive social life as well as getting me back in tune with my spiritual side too. I suppose that with all the other things going on, my intellectual growth is suffering somewhat. Still, I found time to read a couple books in the past few months, and I will continue to keep abreast of things through my MUN involvement. Ooh, I almost forgot about my cell phone....another important item on my list.

I think I have a good plan for some of the other items I want to work at. I have definite goals to have both a new car and an apartment somewhere between the beginning of June and the end of August. My coming out goal is very connected to the apartment, but I have to say that I think the Catholic group is going to make a big difference in my personal esteem and comfort level when that time comes. To be involved in something like that through the Church and be able to say that I'm involved will go a long way towards making the coming out process with my parents a good one.

So I am left with three items I have not addressed: dating life, political activity, and getting buff. Well, as for getting buff, the nicer weather has given me a newfound enthusiasm. I am trying to adjust my sleep schedule such that I am getting enough sleep and am able to come in to work earlier and thus have daylight hours afterwards. I'll keep you posted. For political activity, I am hoping to sit down in the next week and write letters to state representatives. A new and more extensive effort is being made to pass a Defense of Marriage bill with wide ranging effects currently. If there is nothing else that I want to be political about, then this is the one item I want to make a strong stand against. Finally, as far as dating life, I can make no predictions. I really think this will be the last of my goals that I'll make progress on. It's really going to be hit and miss for a while until I can take time and find opportunities to meet more gay people that fit some of my desired criteria.

The last two weeks managed to be as eventful as the previous few weeks had been. It's amazing how busy you get just by adding an event to your schedule each day. Two Wednesdays ago, I spent most of the evening on campus at a forum on acts of hate and how to respond, which flowed into a conversation at Arabica Coffeehouse. The forum was addressing issues from an incident that occurred two weeks ago on campus. The Spectrum group had done a number of sidewalk chalkings for the Day of Silence in support of gays and lesbians. As it turned out, not too long after, numerous messages appeared saying things like "Hitler had it Right" and "Die Homo Scum". A lot of people were justifiably upset by this and left with a lot of questions about how to best respond. I felt that it was very important for me to be around, just to be supportive.

There is another forum happening at the Hillel Jewish center tonight. I dropped an e-mail to the Campus Minister at the Newman Center on campus, urging her to encourage Catholic students to attend the forum at Hillel as a clear statement that the Catholic community opposes acts of hate and violence against all people. Her reaction seemed positive, but I felt like there was a lack of urgency there that bothered me a lot. I certainly tried to express my own concern very clearly.

Last night, I went to church on Campus, and was able to make an announcement about the forum, and included it in the list of events that all the students there received. I'm feeling a bit better about things now. I guess it's just very hard for a lot of people to understand the importance of certain things that affect the gay population. I don't know that they really think about it very hard.

I stayed after for a little panel discussion they were having about faith life after college. I sortof got recruited to talk about my experiences so far a bit. There was only a small group there for that, but it included a number of people I know, so it was nice to chat with people a bit. It was also a bit of a coming out for me, as I mentioned some of how I am working to integrate my faith life with my sexuality. I talked a bit about the Gay and Lesbian ministry, and about how I try to live my faith in the workplace and daily life.

So anyhow, on a somewhat related note, last Wednesday Spectrum was having dinner out at a Mexican restaurant as an end of the year activity. I decided to go to that just to see some people who will be graduating and moving on in the world. Anyhow, there's a guy there who I am somewhat interested in....actually I'm very interested in getting to know him better because there are certain qualities there that I know I like. He's very good looking in my opinion. I've been attracted to him since I first saw him when he was a RA in Taft House the last year I lived in the dorms. He's a very active leader on campus in a number of organizations and has taken a lead role in responding to the chalking incident. I think he's very intelligent and motivated to get things done. I also think he's very morally grounded and focused on being there for others. I could go on, but you get the point...just the kind of intelligent, caring, attractive man I'm looking for.

So you'd think that this would pose no dilemma, but as with most things in my life it's not so easy. First off, he's graduating next month. He has not got a gig lined up after graduation yet, but there isn't a guarantee he'll be in Cleveland in the meantime, and his goal is to be in NYC or DC working for a gay advocacy sort of organization. Secondly, we had nice conversation, but often he seemed disinterested somewhat. I'm not sure if it's just because he is so busy with his activities and finishing up before upcoming graduation, or if he just happens to not be interested in me for some reason. I don't get a good read off of people generally....I'm not sure if they are actively uninterested in me, or just not actively interested in me.

So, I am really fretting over whether this is something that's worth persuing at all. It seems that most of the incredibly worthwhile people out there are very goal oriented and wrapped up in their work. And this is fine, as I tend to be goal oriented and wrapped up in my activities as well, but I also would like to persue a relationship. That seems to be very hard when goal oriented seems to equal moving far away or not having time for relationships.

Sometimes I still think it's just me tho....with the exception of Mickey and Allen, I have never really had anyone take an active interest in me as a relationship prospect. Is this normal? I just feel like much of the world is involved romantically except me....not to weigh upon those of you who are dating, engaged, or married, but frankly it's depressing to me. Is it up to me to agressively persue something? Do people just assume I'm not interested, or is it that people are in fact not interested in me? Bah.

So I don't know, after talking to a few people recently for advice, I've decided to go for it and ask him out for coffee or something. The only way I really have anything to lose is if I am scared and don't do anything at all. If I'm ever going to actually date people then I need to start taking a few small risks in life.

Two weeks ago Thursday I met Nardo, Laura, Rhiannon, and Missy up in Coventry for dinner. Pretty much the normal social event, nothing out of the ordinary happened. Friday after work I attended the Taize prayer service at the Newman Center on campus. Since I was involved with planning these when I was in school, I have a particular interest in them. The music is very meditative and for me a joy to sing. My weekend was mostly spent partaking of family activities for Easter. We had the whole gang up, so it was almost like a repeat of Christmas. There was lots of good food, as is characteristic of my family.

Sometime that week I also got on the phone to Mickey to patch things up between us. We got into a good amount of tension about things a number of weeks ago. I had taken some time to just step back and calm down some, and my silence went on longer than I planned due to all of the things I've been doing the past few weeks. I did send him an e-mail before I called trying to explain myself better. We had a nice conversation that went on for a very long time, but I think that we've patched things up pretty much, getting a lot of issues out of the way. I'm also very happy for Mickey that he has found his new boyfriend Brian....everything sounds really good between them, and I hope this one lasts.

I thought that I might address some thoughts that Bryan had in one of his recent journal entries in regard to him and Matt being approached to take part in a GLBT group on campus. He had a lot of thoughts on not needing a support group, having a lot of more important things to do, etc. He ended by asking for people to perhaps answer to some of his questions in that regard, so here I am doing just that. I'm just going to include his entry here to make everything easier to follow.

Thursday, April 5, 2001: Oh No, We've been found out! LOL.

First of all, as an aside unrelated to my main point, I noticed that phrase "sexual preference" pop up again. I don't suppose that a lot of people see a whole lot of difference between that and "sexual orientation", but to me it is very important. To me when I hear "sexual preference", what comes to mind is, "I prefer men to women," similarly to, "I prefer pizza to tacos." Perhaps it is like that for some people, but it certainly isn't to me. Preference to me indicates that there is a conscious choice between various possible alternatives, but that the other choice could have been made just as easily. I have never felt that my sexuality is a conscious choice I control any more than my blood type or my ethnic background. "Sexual preference" gives people the distinct impression that I woke up one day and decided to screw guys, and that I might just wake up tomorrow and decide I want to screw girls instead, and frankly, nothing could be further from my life experience. But anyway, I digress.

On to the topic of gay support groups and social organizations. Frankly, it's very nice that Bryan and Matt found each other early on and are living a fairly well adjusted life together so far for the most part. In my opinion, this is what the world needs to become more like....it's certainly a situation I want to be in. However, not everyone is so lucky as to find their soulmate so quickly. Not everybody is lucky enough to have groups of friends who are so totally accepting and inclusive. Some people need a support group and a social club where they can feel free to be open with their sexuality because they are forced into the closet everywhere else in their life.

If anyone wants a reason to get involved in a gay support group type setting, I can give you one really important one. Because support groups require people who can actually *provide* support, not just people who *need* support. I can think of nothing better for a bunch of gay persons, many of whom may have a lot of issues with esteem, who may have felt a lot of hatred and rejection, and who might have difficulties with intimacy and defining sex roles, than to have a stable fairly well adjusted couple that can serve as potential role models and can talk about how they make things work. I think it's important for gays and lesbians with positive lives and healthy attitudes to be visible as role models. I know that I have struggled to find role-models to help me chart out some of the options for my life. And frankly, though we sometimes think we know everything, it's surprising what we can learn by talking with and helping other people.

As for the social aspect of gay groups, for a lot of my friends, I am the only gay male in their lives that they are aware of. This does not bode particularly well for me in terms of friends setting me up with someone. So for me, there is a reasonably important motivation for getting involved in gay organizations just to meet people (who may know other people as well). As someone who really does not have the luxury to test the waters of being out at work at this point, my chance of ever meeting someone special is particularly slim without some gay oriented groups. I'm just not likely to meet anyone through my three primary social environments: home, work, and my straight friends.

I will admit that I was not particularly active with the GLBT group at CWRU during my undergraduate career. Part of that had to do with the fact that I was still almost totally closeted for my first two years of college. Partially, it was because I feared, being so close to home, that word would get back to my parents second-hand at a time that I was not ready to come out to them. Partly, like Bryan, I had a lot of other activities (and classes) that I was involved in to keep me busy, some of which directly conflicted with the meeting times. I had to prioritize things in my life, and for better or worse, other activities won out most often.

However, just because one isn't interested in being actively involved in such a group is no reason to disparage the importance and the positive aspects of GLBT organizations as a whole. They are an important part of many people's social support network.

So, Bryan, I hope that this helps to clear up the point you were missing. I also hope it helps clear things up for other people who might have been missing the point. I hope my tone was not too harsh, but I think this kind of thing needs to be said openly to everyone. There are not enough gay people living well adjusted lives in the greater society who are there for other gay people trying to find their way. In the rare moments when a well adjusted couple materializes, they tend to retreat so far from gay society that they become invisible. They find a comfortable niche and suddenly become risk-averse. This does not bode well for the advancement of issues that I think are very important like same-sex marriage or partnership rights. Because of this, what most of the public sees representing gay people is the outlandish characters on the media coverage of pride events and the promiscuity of the gay ghettos.

Not only do these images affect the point of view of straight people, but also that of people just discovering their gay sexuality. There are a lot of gay youth who think becoming a subculture clone is the only option for them in life because that is all that is visible. The infinite variety of lifestyles lived by gay people is hidden by the image of the monolithic gay "lifestyle". The only way that we can allow more people to live their own lives rather than the confining options endorsed by either the religious right or the gay subculture is for other GLBT people to be more visible to gay and straight people alike. This can be a difficult road, away from many of the safe spaces we create, and one that I wouldn't force on anyone, but the road to freedom requires somebody to take risks so that others can follow.

Well, I'm excited enough at the moment to actually write and chronicle stuff about my life. As you might guess, I am continuing down my list of goals for the year, slowly reaching them. As of last Thursday, I am now the owner of a 2000 Toyota Solara. My friend Julie notified me at the beginning of the week that some had come in at the dealership where she works, so Monday I looked around at cars again, Tuesday I test drove the one I wanted and started filling out paperwork. Wednesday, I wrote out my checks and signed my life away, so to speak, and Thursday I drove the car off the lot, as the proud owner.

I'm really loving my car! It's the little things like having a working fan and air conditioning that make it all worth it. I made a big down payment so that my monthlies would be managable. I did in fact buy, not lease....I have no doubt that I would overrun the miles on a lease and get massively penalized. My car is nice and roomy, and very comfortable. It's comfortable and drives smoothly and quietly. The Solara is a 2-door, but the back seat has a lot of room.

This past weekend was graduation at CWRU, so I was hanging out in that vicinity with friends for most of the weekend. Friday I went to the Lizard with Dan, Nardo, and Rhiannon. Dan got his MS last summer so he got to walk in commencement this year, thus he was in towm from Detroit. I met everyone again, plus Laura, at Shaker Square on Saturday for brunch. We took a walk around Shaker Lake in the park afterwards. Shaker Heights is where I want to find an apartment when that time approaches in the coming months. It would be 20 minutes to and from work at most, and probably less depending on my exact location. Also, the park is pretty large, and I'm really looking forward to being able to bike along it.

Speaking of bicycling, I have been keeping up with my program quite well until this past week. A week ago Sunday I noticed I had a flat and I have not yet gotten a new inner tube. With my car buying I really didn't have much of a chance. I'm planning to replace it today after work and get in a ride before it starts raining for the rest of the week. Anyhow, I had been riding hard for 30 minutes 2-3 times a week all month. I plan to continue that through the summer and probably kick it up a couple notches.

While I was on our little hike in the park, I got a call from Bryan. We've had a difficult time getting in touch, so I was relieved to finally hear from him. It turns out that he's doing some travelling to Memphis with Matt's family at the beginning of July, so I won't be visiting him then. Instead, in really good news, he and Matt look to be coming to Cleveland for a week in mid-July for Bryan to do a computer training course. I guess the computer center travel budget must be good! Now I have to start planning what we could possibly do during the weekend and possibly evenings while they are here. I have some ideas already, but I want to let them give some input as to things they would be interested in seeing and doing. They'll probably get at least some of the things that Mickey got to see when he was up here, plus I won't be whining about money now (at least not as much!) and my new car is not likely to break down.

Anyhow, Saturday evening I helped out with the music for the Baccalaureate Mass at the Newman Center on campus. I caught up with a couple different people I'd not seen in a while, and we did a lot of our favorite music. Afterwards I went to a little party some friends were having before I headed off home.

Sunday I went to the graduation ceremony itself and cheered for the couple dozen people I know when they went up to receive their diplomas. I rather enjoy all the ceremony and excitement that accompanies Commencement. There's an energy there that is just so powerful and uplifting. There's certainly a relief having made it through college, but more than that, there is a pride in knowing what has been accomplished academically by yourself and those around you. I recall that in high school graduation, but in college even moreso. This year I sat in on the ceremony for the Masters and PhD students, and it was very different in many ways....if anything the atmosphere was a bit more casual in a mellow way, but still very ceremonial.

After the Commencement ceremony, I was able to catch up with a few people I know and congratulate them. Patrick from the Tippit group (and music at Hallinan) graduated, and will be going down to Ohio State for grad work, so that's another person I can catch up with when I head down to Columbus. I also saw a few of the officers of Spectrum, and gave them my congratulations.

Of course, I saw the guy that I have been interested in over the past couple months. My estimate of the potential for a relationship seems to go up and down pretty eratically every few days. He managed to be pretty busy all the way through graduation, and will probably still not have much time now, as he's still searching out a job. There have been a few positive signs though. I've asked him out for coffee or dinner a couple of times. So far this has not panned out for the same time issues, but he also has not rejected the idea outright yet....in fact his response seems positive. I'm not yet sure how aware he is that I'm interested in him....I've tried to broadcast that without being overbearing. At graduation I saw him and met his mother briefly....she seemed nice enough....somewhat quiet and reserved, but not overly so. He didn't shy away from talking to me, and he actually brought up us meeting sometime soon, so that was a very good sign, I think.

On to some older news, I looked at an apartment two weeks ago. The location was pretty ideal and the size of it was fairly nice, but I was pretty unhappy with the kitchen. It was an old building, so the kitchen had never been remodeled in probably 50-100 years. It wasn't decrepit, but it showed its age in the way that the counter space was very small and the cabinet space was likewise sparse. The place was one of the cheapest 1 bedroom apartments I could find in the right area, at a bit less than $500 a month, but that's really a bit more than I would like to be paying. What it comes down to is that I really need to find myself a roommate to help bring costs down. Having purchased the car just last week, I am going to take my time looking for a roommate, build up my finances again, and hopefully move out at the end of August at the latest.

A couple of weeks ago I ended up meeting up with my friend Melissa in Lakewood and going to see They Might Be Giants at the Odeon. I've not seen them live since 1996, so this was a very special treat for me. They played some music I've never seen live before and some stuff from their album coming out this fall. They seemed to be happy and excited about touring again and being in Cleveland, which contrasted with last time when they seemed a bit crabby and short tempered. At the concert I saw a few CWRU people, as I suspected I would, and also ran into Michael from LEIMUN, and my friend Jen who was involved with Model UN at CWRU for a while. I splurged and bought myself a T-shirt and a collection of all their music videos.

Some time before that, probably the beginning of the month, there was a party back at Cecil House, thrown by my former roommate Andrew and others. It was a pretty big bash, and many of the old THM personalities were back in town to festivate with us.

I also went to one of the monthly meetings that the Catholic GLBT Ministry holds....I guess they focus on various topical items, and this time the discussion was on prayer. I volunteered to give a hand with the work for the young adult group if they need any help with that. I also met with the campus minister at CWRU last week and discussed some thoughts I had about how the ministry can be more responsive to events on campus and howit might be more open and welcoming to gay Catholicswho might be drifting away from the church because of its teaching on homosexuality.

I can't think of a whole lot else that has gone on....it would help if I could refer back to my calendar, but my computer had a hiccup in Windows a couple weeks ago, and in the process of making it right I killed my calendar and datebook. Never fear, however, as I have recovered most of the information therein from other sources....the big loss is the past archive of stuff. I need to figure out how to back this stuff up.

As for the future, watch for further updates from me on whether I have any success in meeting with the guy I am interested in, and hopefully what ensues. Also, I am going to attempt to visit someone or other over the upcoming Memorial Day weekend. I was hoping to go down to Columbus to see Allen, however his seeming inability to participate in two way communication makes that idea rather difficult. We'll see what happens. The first weekend in June is mostly devoted to LEIMUN with a dinner, a cookout, and a meeting slipped in there. After that, I have two weddings, two weekends to hang out with my friend Ryan, the Origins gaming convention, and Bryan and Matt's visit, which brings me up to my Birthday at the end of July. Doesn't sound like I have much going on, does it???

Yeah, that's right folks, last weekend was the beginning of seven consecutive weekends of events in my life. Not too much unplanned time for me between now and August. Of course, I started it off with an intense Model UN related weekend. On Friday we had a team building meeting between the LEIMUN Board and the new secretariat officers. We did a lot of goal setting and getting everyone on the same page about the coming year. Then Sunday was the first LEIMUN Advisory Council meeting for the 2001-2002 year. In many ways the AC in the past has been a sort of figurehead body used to assuage egos, and it really was not effective at legislating as much as it was at arguing and bickering for hours on end. This year looks to be different. We managed to churn out 10 recommendations to the board, and though the meeting was admittedly 7 hours long, people left feeling like we had accomplished a lot, and with no bitter feelings. It certainly gave me a lot of direction for my further work as Research USG. As it was, I spent most of last week preparing my recommendations for the agenda topics for the fall's Lake Erie college conference, and suggestions for the committees that we simulate for the 23rd Northcoast high school conference next spring.

The other event of last weekend was my high school's annual alumni association banquet. I am the VP of the group, seeing as how I volunteered a few years ago, and none of the old people want to do it. This year's went really well. I managed to volunteer myself to head up the committee to gather info to submit to a company that creates alumni directories for schools. I also want to put together a newsletter for next year to send out. We had a good turnout this year, and we got last year's winner of the Richard "Moe" Bender Sportsmanship award to come back and present it to this year's recipient. The award is one of my responsibilities to coordinate, so it was good to have it come together well. As it was, last year's recipient came back voluntarily and actually ended up beoming a member at large of our Alumni Association board.

A week ago Sunday, we finally had a part day of some reasonable weather so I got a new innertube for my bike. I installed it and inflated it and as I was putting the tools away, I heard a sound like a gunshot....basically the innertube blew up creating a gash about 6 inches long. I may have pinched it, but I think that it was defective. I was just basically bitter for the rest of the day and have been too busy since to deal with it. We are supposed to finally start experiencing normal weather in the 70's and 80's, so I got a new innertube and installed it (successfully this time) last night. I actually got one of those gel seat covers also, because my butt was getting beat up by crappy road bumps. It must be a good sign that I do not have excessive natural padding there yet.....LOL. So, as a result of all this I got out for my 30 minutes of fairly intense biking today. I feel really good about my effort, and am looking to up my effort a bit by expanding the time by perhaps 10 minutes.

On a very positive note, I finally got a chance to meet my current romantic interest (whom I've mentioned a few times recently) for coffee yesterday afternoon. We sat down and talked for 90 minutes, and it was absolutely wonderful....the time just escaped from us and we only had one uncomfortable silence during the conversation. We talked about all kinds of stuff....jobs, coming out, apartments, cars, etc... The whole thing was very positive, relaxed, and not stressful for me. The conversation clearly confirmed that he's gay, so that is settled beyond a doubt. Furthermore, he is remaining in the Cleveland area for another year, so my rushing to do stuff before he leaves is over. The somewhat unfortunate part of all this is that he is also seeing someone. I'm really not bothered by this a whole lot tho. The prospects for us to develop a rewarding friendship are very much improved in my estimation, so I can be quite satisfied with that scenario.

I am expecting to get more time to spend with him. Seeing as he is lacking furniture for his apartment, I offered to let him borrow my futon, which I had left with my old roommates, but which has to be moved by the end of this month when they move out. Furthermore, I am expecting to see him at the Cleveland Pride festivities next weekend. And finally, we are definitely going to do dinner sometime after the next couple weeks, most likely in July. An interesting note is that one of his possible jobs is as director of the youth programming for the Cleveland Gay and Lesbian Center. I am hoping for him to get that one, as he seems to be really excited about it.

After having coffee, I went over to the Hallinan Center on campus for a sortof prayer/discussion group we're having over the summer. I'm very excited to have a faith sharing group once again after so long without one. We just discussed a bit of how things will run and what we would like to discuss. There are a lot of topics that sound really interesting that we might do: recent work on inter-religious dialogue, the role (or lack thereof) concerning the Church and the Holocaust, the Papacy and the future of the Church, biblical study and interpretation, the role of women in the Church, dealing with the ex-Catholic phenomenon, the Church and Politics, and the Church and homosexuality, among other possibilities. Yeah, I actually volunteered to lead discussion on that subject. I'm very excited about the opportunity....I'm hoping to do enough prep that I can provide a good balanced view, and open things up for a lot of honest discussion. We're also hopefully going to do some community service work through the group as well. I'm hoping for this to be a very dynamic little community for discussion.

Getting back to future events in general, this weekend I will be hanging out with my friend Ryan as I mentioned a while back. He'll be meeting me at work Friday afternoon and staying over for the weekend. I'm still strongly considering coming out to him this weekend if the right moment comes about. I'll certainly let you know what happens there. Next weekend is a light weekend really. As mentioned earlier, I will be attending the Cleveland Pride festivities. I still don't feel comfortable marching in the parade, but I'm going to help man the table for the Gay and Lesbian Catholic Ministry. Later on in that same day I will be attending the wedding festivities for my friend Jaya and her fiance Dan. I'm so excited for her to be finally getting married, as it's been a long wait, and she's been through a lot since we met in college.

OK, that's all I have. Hope everyone's lives remain as exciting and positive as mine has been of recent.

I had a most awesome weekend hanging out with Ryan two weekends ago. He drove up from Dayton Friday afternoon and met me at work. We had dinner at the Lizard, and I got a new glass for my beer glass collection. We just had so much to talk about, so we wandered Coventry for a while and then went down to the CWRU campus and I gave him a tour of that. When we were getting ready to leave, I got a call from my friend Karen from home. She was in town for her sister's graduation, so she wanted to go out dancing. It was a bit too late for us to drive home and back out to Cleveland, so we decided to just hang out for a bit around home and go dancing on Saturday night.

On the way back to pick up his car, I decided that it was time to do the coming out thing and get it over with. I was scared, as usual, but without reason in the end. Ryan had no problem with it, like everyone else I've come out to so far. I had been worried that Texas might have turned him all conservative and morally indignant, but it hadn't (I still suspect that I am far more conservative than most of my straight friends.) Anyhow, I guess his fiance played rugby in college with a number of lesbians, so he's used to that sort of thing to a good extent. We had a good long talk about stuff....it's not so fresh in my mind anymore, but it was just good.

We slept in Saturday and spent a rather lazy day of it, just hanging out. I pulled out all my pictures from the past few years and shared some stuff out of my life. We also pulled out some old drawings that we had done way back in elementary school. They were superheros and such that we had made up back then. That brought back a lot of good memories.

Saturday night we picked up Karen and headed out to the Warehouse District to hit the clubs for some dancing fun. We had been hoping to get into The Funky Buddha, but got blindsided by their no tennis shoes policy. Instead we headed down to the Velvet Dog. We had a good long evening of dancing there. The music was really good, encompassing a nice variety from the 70's through the present. The got in a few Madonna songs, which was a very good thing too. I think I'm really going to like the clubs in the Warehouse District a lot better than the ones in the Flats. The clientele is just slightly less rowdy and the establishments are somewhat more upscale, making the experience more like dancing and less like an orgy with a bull in a china store.

Anyhow, on Sunday we had lunch at Bennigan's and then went to the movies to see Evolution. The movie was nothing profound or even very good, but it was just some nice escapism for a couple hours. It was pretty funny and spoofed off of Men in Black a bit. Ryan left from the movie theatre to head back to Dayton for his first week of surgery observation.

Overall, Ryan and I basically picked up where we left off. Robb talks about him and Arti being soulmates, in a non-sexual friendship sort of way. I think that Ryan and I are like that in a lot of ways. There are so many times where we'll be talking and our minds will just take exactly the same paths...we can almost finish each other's sentences at times. Nothing has really changed, and even after my coming out, things just flowed the same as always. The entire weekend was just a very positive feeling for me. When you see one of your best friends for the first time in 7 years, it's going to be a very significant experience. This is truly a case where I am glad that we maintained our friendship across time and distance. Even after Ryan left I maintained a sort of positive vibe that carried me into the beginning of the week. I am hoping that we'll be able to get together once more either up here or down in Dayton this coming weekend, but that's up in the air right now.

Last week, we had the first meeting of the summer faith sharing/discussion group on campus. We talked about the Church as an Apostolic Community and what elements are necessary for that, and which elements are "the icing on the cake" to steal a phrase from the discussion. This week I believe we are talking about the Pope and some of the details of Sainthood and the process of becoming a saint. The first week in July, I will be facilitating the group discussion about homosexuality and the Church. I'm looking forward to that, and hope to get some extra resources from the Gay and Lesbian Ministry to use.

This past weekend was the Cleveland Gay Pride parade and festival. This was my first time attending, having only been to Seattle's previously, during my trip to the West Coast last summer. I was a bit nervous about the idea of marching in the parade, even if it was with the Gay and Lesbian Catholic Ministry, so I opted to help watch our table at the festival during the parade and snap some pictures of the group at the end of the route.

Our table was one of the best out there, IMHO, with a lot of literature and resources available. I minded the table with Bruce, another member of the group, while everyone else was marching. Surprisingly, we had a lot of visitors from early on, and we continued to talk to a lot of people throughout the day. We had a good conversation with a high school age guy and his mother. He is thinking of entering the priesthood, so we directed him to the priest with whom I talked last year about coming out to my parents. A lot of people were surprised to see our ministry, especially with official sponsorship from the Diocese of Cleveland. I hope that maybe our being there will help to bring a few people back to the Church who had left, as well as helping our ministry to grow.

While I was sitting at the table, I told Bruce that I expected to see at least one person from another part of my life that I wouldn't expect to see at Pride. Lo, not five minutes later, this girl that I knew somewhat during high school goes walking by. I caught her attention and we talked for a few minutes before she went along her way. I also sighted a guy who looked like someone from the distant past, but I was not exactly sure....I never knew him well back then, and he looked to be with his GF at pride, so I didn't think it was worth the effort to approach him only to find out I was likely mistaken.

Since I was at the table, I didn't get to watch the parade, but I got up and took some pictures as they were coming into Voinovich Park. The catholic group had a very nice sized contingent. There were a whole ton of other religious groups as well, making a very strong showing. I was personally very impressed with Cleveland Pride overall. Sure there were the occasional wild ly dressed drag queens and whatnot, but in large part, I think a family atmosphere was maintained. Drinking was confined to a beer garden area, so the rowdiness level was very reasonable. I personally had a number of pleasant conversations, both at the Catholic table and about the festival. I resisted the urge to spend too much, and only bought a few buttons to wear at such events. Towards the end of the day, I got talking to the VP of the Pride committee at random. That must be a very busy job, organizing such an event....he was trying to recruit me to help out with Pride for next year. I'm considering it, but with my time commitments it's probably not very realistic, plus, I don't feel I could do it justice until I am out to my parents....I'd feel a bit hypocritical. He did say that they had somewhat over 10,000 people this year, which is a few thousand more than last year. I'm very happy to see this event growing, as that bodes well for the atmosphere here in Cleveland. I did hear that there were a few sign waving religious protesters along the parade route...maybe 6 or 8. I guess they had their children out there waving signs....instilling them with a bit of hate. Bah, hate sucks.

Oh, did I mention that I am in the same video as a pornstar?! Ha Ha! It's not really as exciting as I make it sound. The Grid nightclub had Matt Rush, one of the newest stars for Falcon Videos as a special guest at Pride. They were taking roaming video at the festival to play later at the club, and as they scanned past the sexy pornstar they continued on to catch my feet at the edge of the view while I was sitting at the Gay and Lesbian Catholic Ministry table. Our table was almost across from The Grid's table, so we got to watch Matt Rush shirtless signing autographs and posing for pictures most of the afternoon. I felt so uncouth sitting there ogling a pornstar and trying to be a respectable representative of the Catholic Diocese of Cleveland at the same time (not like I was the only ogler at our table however). I actually went over and got an autographed picture and shook his hand. He looked like he had such an incredibly thin waist, but I think it was actually that his upper body was just so huge... built right in all the right places... Heh....I felt like such a little girl swooning or something....like Mickey when he gets in giggly schoolgirl mode I suspect. The Stonewall Democrats had the booth next to The Grid, and they had some mighty fine shirtless guys sitting at their table too.

After we took down our table at the pride festival, 7 of us from the Catholic group went out to Snickers for dinner, which is the place that Mickey went with Julie and I when he was in town. This time I ate a bit more frugally and didn't break the bank. We had a really good time at dinner talking the evening away. We also had the same waiter that we had last time....the cute one with attitude. It was less crowded this time, so his attitude was a bit more fun and well adjusted.

After dinner myself and Bruce went to The Grid for some continuing party time. Matt Rush was supposed to be performing there at 1 AM, so we were going to stick around for that. It turned out that Bruce isn't much about dancing, so we just sat and talked for a while. Eventually, Brian, who coordinates a lot of stuff for the ministry, showed up. He and I danced for a while until the show began. I have to admit that he's a good dancer...he was fun in that he wasn't so entranced in himself to forget to smile and talk to me occasionally....some people get like that, which sucks. He also seems to know a good fraction of everyone....I met a few of his friends during the evening. The Matt Rush show wasn't all I was hoping for....it was just a single song, and our view was somewhat blocked by the tall people who were at the very front by the stage. We eventually left and headed over to Twist in Lakewood. I've been meaning to check it out to see if it might be someplace I could take Brian and Matt when they visit. We only stayed a short time as it was approaching 3 AM, so I have not decided if I think they'd like it....guess I'll have to go again......hehe.

I was still so totally hyped up during my drive home, and continued to be very awake for a while after that. The whole Pride experience was once again totally energising for me. I felt exactly the same way last summer in Seattle. When I start to feel very alone in my day to day life, it is nice to have that experience of being surrounded by so many gay people, just enjoying life separated from all the little fears and stressors that that surround us on a daily basis.

It's not that I need to be surrounded by gay people all the time, but still being closeted in my home and work environments does take a toll, I realize. There is an amazing weight lifted when I am in an environment where I can just be myself, like with my friends. But, I still need contact with other gay people as well....It has been over 18 months since I've been in a relationship. I don't know that it's normal to feel this alone, but I really do. I guess that I can see why so many people get into meaningless physical relationships, just so they can feel loved and needed for even a brief time. Ah, but enough of this sad talk.

Sunday continued my eventful weekend. I had a wedding to go to, but first, I took the time to get on the bike and get in my workout time. With Pride and all the other events going on in my life, I didn't get much riding in towards the end of last week. I borrowed my parents' truck so that on the way to the wedding I could stop by Cecil House and pick up my futon to transport over to Aaron's new apartment. Aaron is the guy I have been crushing on the past couple months....at the time I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to mention his name. Since I found out he's in a relationship and have thus resolved to just be friends, I guess that doesn't matter to me anymore. Don't try to figure out my logic.....it's not totally clear to me.

So, we had a hellish time getting the futon up two flights of stairs, but finally finished it. I did end up running a bit late for the wedding, however. I guess that will teach me to attempt to sandwich too many things into my schedule on one day.

I had to pick up Ella, since she was Brigitte's guest, but Brigitte was one of the bridesmaids. When we got there, they were in the midst of the American ceremony, having already done the Hindu wedding ceremony earlier in the afternoon. We caught all the good stuff: the vows, the rings, the kiss.

The reception was very nice. I was seated with some people whom I knew from my Chemical Engineering classes in school. We had good conversation throughout the evening. The food was a mixture of Indian and Polish dishes, and was quite exquisite. My friend Natarajan was also in the wedding party (opposite Brigitte of course). This was the first time that I had seen him since San Francisco last summer, so we took the opportunity to catch up on life.

Looking towards the future, it is just over a week before I am in Florida for John's wedding! I can hardly believe how quickly time is flying. When I return from that trip, I will have less than a week before I leave for the Origins gaming convention in Columbus. As for the coming weekend, my plans are a bit fuzzy at the moment. Some THM people are going to be in town for a wedding, so we might go out Friday night. I had also considered going down to Columbus to check out their Pride festivities, but that might be a bit much considering all the other stuff I'm doing these days. The other possibility is that I might get together with Ryan again, either up here or down in Dayton, assuming he doesn't have any other plans.

The excitement never seems to stop....unfortunately, all this excitement comes at a monetary price. I may have to be cheap for the rest of the year to make up for the money I'm spending in June and July. Oh well, at least I'm enjoying myself.

It has been quite an eventful few weeks for me. I've been pretty much on the run for two or three weeks, thus the lapse in my writing.

The Wednesday after my last entry was an eventful day, to say the least. After work I rushed home to try getting in a bike ride before heading to campus for the Catholic discussion group. I got about halfway through my ride when I made a rather fateful error. I got distracted by a car, and turned just a bit too late around one corner. I had to choose between a tree and a ditch, so I chose the ditch, which looked softer. My bike stopped dead while my body continued forward over the handlebars and into a conveniently placed soft grass. I landed on my shoulder, so I didn't get beat up too bad, but I did have a cool two foot grass stain on my shirt. It only took me a few seconds to catch my breath, and I was feeling sore but ready to go. The bike, however was far from ready. Basically, the sudden stop and compression of my weight combined to bend the frame, such that the front tire now hits the frame and won't turn past it. So, I will need to get a new bike sometime so I can continue with my physical activities.

So, I was walking my bike back home, and was lucky enough to come across my friend John's aunt, who I used to deliver newspapers to. She gave me and the bike a ride home, and I got myself cleaned up and out the door to Cleveland. The discussion group meeting was very nice. Afterwards, I ended up having a long chat with Mike, one of the guys in the group. We went to Arabica and I got my white mocha, and we just chatted for a couple hours. We talked about all kinds of stuff.....religion and work and relationships and such topics. It was nice to be able to sit with someone and just talk about deep thoughts.

The last weekend in June was my big travel vacation of the summer. I left Thursday morning for Florida for the wedding of my friend John and his fiance Katie. As it turned out, my expenses for the trip were not all that much of a worry as I had expected, so I was able to enjoy the trip guilt free. My flights down were marvelous. John's sister had the same flight as me, so they were there at the airport to pick us up along with Jackie, one of the bridesmaids. We all went to grab our tuxes on the way back and stopped to get the marriage license while we were at it. That was an adventure in itself, as they only took cash for the fees, and John and Katie were lacking.......heh. So Jackie and I ended up financing the marriage ever so briefly....it was actually a sortof gratifying feling to have partial responsibility for things going off without a hitch....LOL.

Anyhow, after that they dropped me off at my hotel. Jeff, Jamie, and their little baby Bryce were also at my hotel, so I ended up hitching rides around with them everywhere. We went out to dinner for seafood on Thursday night with the families. Friday morning I went to the beach with Jeff and Jamie and the baby while John picked up Paul from the airport. We met them later for Jeff and Paul to get their tuxes. I laid out at the pool a bit in the afternoon, and got the sun that I wanted to acquire....no more pale Zup.

The rehersal dinner Friday night was at a very awesome Italian restaurant. John's gift to all the groomsmen were those cool "Worst Case Scenario Survival Guides" (you know, the ones that tell how to jump from a moving train, survive a charging rhino, escape from mob riots in foreign lands, and such info) and cool little silver hip flasks with our names engraved on them. Now I can be a stylish public drunk....LOL. After the dinner we had our little bachelor festivities...nothing very planned. We hung out at a restaurant bar for a while and had some drinks. That's actually the first time I've ever done shots of Jagermeister. I have to say that I'm not too keen on the licorice flavor, but oh well. We drank till the place closed and then went back to the hotel stopping for more beer and such on the way back. We continued through much of the night drinking at the pool. We were joined by a few of the ladies after they returned from the bachelorette festivities. It was quite the night of revelry, and just reinforced that Katie's relatives are cool.

The wedding day itself could not have been much more perfect. All us guys looked really keen in our tuxes, and the ladies looked nice as well. The ceremony was beautiful, and was not very long at all. The reception afterwards was a blast. The food was exquisite....I had macadamia nut crusted snapper. The DJ they had was very good too....played a lot of decent music and didn't do anything annoying. They pulled out the limbo bar, so I naturally had to try my hand at that since I had a few drinks in me. Happily, I had not lost my touch, and was crowned limbo king that evening.....just one of my special talents I guess....evol grin. Anyhow, John did have a gay couple amongst his friends who were at the wedding. They were actually quite cute, but unfortunately, I never really had a chance to talk to them. I don't know what we would have talked about anyhow....the probably would have thought I was looking for a threesome or something....LOL.

One of the best parts of the whole affair was meeting and interacting with Katie's relatives. There are times when you go to weddings and you just feel totally uncomfortable around one of the families.....they're not really personable or something. This was definitely not the case here. Katie's family was a riot, and John's family have known me forever, so there were no issues there. It was just one helluva event.

Jeff drove me to the airport bright and early on Sunday for my flight out. My flights back were exceedingly less pleasant than the flights down. In Charlotte, the new plane was having hydraulic issues, so they unloaded everyone after we sat on there for a while. Then we got to sit around the terminal for a while as they summoned a new plane from the hangar. Then we got to sit in this new plane, which never really got cooled to a comfortable temperature the whole flight. At least they didn't lose my luggage.

The following Tuesday, I drove down to Columbus to visit Chrissy, who just moved down there a few weeks ago, and her boyfriend Darrin. We caught the fireworks downtown for the 4th....this was my fifth year seeing the Red White and Boom show. It was a lot better than last year, as the wind direction was more favorable.

I went down to Columbus again that Friday with my friend Jack from work. This time it was for the Origins Gaming Convention, for which this was also my fifth year attending. We went for nearly three days, and I preregistered this year, so I got to do a lot more stuff than in the past. I went to a few seminars on creating a fictional world and good adventure plots by this guy who writes and also works for the government running policy scenarios for senior policymakers. He had a lot of cool stuff to talk about, and good advice. Jack was down there for the miniature wargame stuff mostly, and by chance I cought a seminar on military strategy by the guy who runs the National Security Decisionmaking Game, a sort of world events simulation. I've meant to play that one of these years, as they do it down they annually. I think it might give me some ideas for Model UN emergency simulations.

I played a few different games too....some GURPS stuff and Ironclaw, a medieval anthropomorphic game (i.e. the characters are animal people, a la Disney's Robin Hood cartoon). I got to spend some money too....got myself the Ironclaw rulebook and some Ruth Thompson artwork, and the new Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms worldbook. I got some other small stuff too, and won a free GURPS rulebook from the GURPS game I played in.

On Saturday evening I finally ran into Allen. I heard at first that he wasn't going to be at Origins, but when I ran into his friends on the weekend they said he was around. I resolved a lot of personal issues I was dealing with as far as having trouble contacting him and trying to figure out if he was avoiding me or something. One manages to create a lot of illusions and falsehoods when one meets with frustration for the better part of 7 months, so it was a big weight lifted to clear those up in my mind. I'm still conflicted over what kind of feelings I have for Allen still. I don't expect that dating again would ever be an option, but I have a very difficult time of letting go of people in life. I'm not one of those people who see friendships as transitory things that wax and wane in their purpose and intensity...I know people who view things like that, enjoy it while it lasts and then move on....but I find that very difficult. This line of thought could spawn a whole journal entry. On a practical level, I kept feeling like I was getting a bit too touchy feely with Allen. I'm not sure how much of it was me making myself self-conscious about stuff and how much was me sensing some level of discomfort on his part. Things between him and Steve were sortof nebulous....I don't think that they are clear on what their relationship is anymore. I think I'm settled into a made where I'm not worrying about my friendship with Allen anymore. We are somewhat in this zone where I can live my daily life without worrying over where things stand.

When I got back from Columbus, I went to a picnic for the Gay and Lesbian Catholic Ministry. It was nice to see everyone again and talk and relax. I got a bunch of our literature to use for my presentation at the discussion meeting on campus Wednesday. That went really well.....I presented most of the basic stuff of Catholic teaching on homosexuality. I did a good job with separating the church teachings and my own opinions, which sometimes differed significantly. There was a lot of lively discussion and a very supportive mood overall....I was even a bit surprised at how most people seemed to have troubles with the kinds of limitations the Catholic Church places on gays. I really hope that I can use this experience in the future if I get the opportunity to do more outreach on homosexuality to other Catholic young adult groups.

That about describes the past week for me. I can't really characterize it as good or bad on the whole. I suppose that it was more bad than good really. Wednesday was probably the low spot of things. Wednesday morning I got an e-mail forwarded to me from Nardo that Jeff Smith, one of the guys in the THM group of friends, was killed in a car accident early that morning. This is pretty hard to take coming so close on the heels of Brian's death in June. The circumstances were frighteningly similar....late night, on a highway on ramp, involving a large commercial vehicle. I probably knew Jeff less than I did Brian, but it still is painful to lose someone you knew and shared a lot of memories with. Jeff let me burn my first few CDs of MP3s on his computer, leading to the comprehensive collection that I now have. I remember when he brought a huge bucket of wings from Quaker Steak all the way from Sharon, PA for our potluck new years party at Cecil House. Most of all, he was just a part of our family of friends.....that's all that really matters. We're going to miss him.

So, Wednesday really went downhill from that point on. Work was mostly a disaster. I was mixing a large batch of material when the locking mechanism on the mixer came loose and it rotated upside down dumping the whole thing on the floor at my feet. I didn't get hurt or anything, but my boss had warned me about double checking that the mixer locked properly. There were a few extenuating circumstances, but I still knew that Thursday morning was going to be unpleasant at best. So I got the safety lecture Thursday morning, plus I still had to recreate the mix that got dumped. By the end of the week things improved a lot, especially since my boss was on vacation Friday, but the week was rather tainted by that point.

Wednesday night I went to dinner with Rhiannon, Nardo, Laura, and Missy. We were doing some post tragedy mutual moral support. It was helpful in keeping our minds on the positive things. We took a look at Laura's new apartment and talked about Missy's soon to be new apartment. I have, of course, been thinking about my potential move at the end of the summer. I am looking forward to the possibilities. I was talking to Jack at work about internet connectivity and the possibility of getting a Cable Modem. What I really need to do is talk to him about the fact that I'm gay. I want to discuss this before we get into the apartment search deep so that I seem like I'm being upfront about this. Frankly, I want to give him the opportunity to back out if he's really uncomfortable with that. I don't want to place either of us in a situation where we live in uneasiness for an entire year. I don't think it will be a problem, but I want to be open.

Today I went and got myself a new bike. I took a look at a shop earlier in the week, and I saw something that looked good. After checking around a few other places, I decided to go for it. When I thought about it, there really is no reason to wait. Every day that I don't have a bike is another day that I don't get any intense physical activity. Plus, if I waited until the end of the summer I might as well wait until next spring for the riding time I'd get. I think that I like the feel of it from the short ride I took this evening. I didn't realize how small my old bike was til I set them side to side. Overall, I'd characterize myself as very satisfied with my purchase at this point.