in 12 easy steps!!
learn to play the guitar.
step 8
move to sheffield. live there until you develop an accent.
step 9
become very well read and witty. this may take a while. it's a good idea to go underground for a few years; this will enable you to practice your strange and lofty metaphors.
step 10
develop a deep, sexy singing voice. use it to whisper seductive lines such as 'oh yeah,' and 'alright.' (practice this whilst underground. you wouldn't want your mum walking in on you whilst repeating, 'oh yeah,' over and over again in a deep sexy voice to yourself.)
step 11
learn to dance just like jarvis. watch 'sorted for films and vids' and 'the park is mine' over and over again until you get the hang of it. (dancing *must* include flailing limbs, the 'common people jump-kick' [see 'the park is mine' video] and all the funny little hand motions. [see figs. 6-8]
step 12
go to a good plastic surgeon. bring a picture of jarvis.
take me back to
the beginning!!
