Ass Clown: ('as 'klaun) 1. Human being possessing equal quantities of metrosexualism and cheesiness. 2. One who tries too hard to impress others- often uses cheesiness in order to receive attention. 3. One who has been blessed with celebrity and is therefore blind to the wretchedness of their existence.
Also commonly know as the 'no-talent ass clown', the Classic Ass Clown has a vague understanding of the level of cheesiness that they expel upon the world, however, a strong following of fans keeps them from changing their habits. The C.A.C. also displays common signs of metrosexuality, such as caked-on foundation and highlights. There is no career offer that a C.A.C. will turn down, whether it's participating in the latest episode of "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Outta Here!" or starring in a Verizon Wireless commercial alongside a tuxedo-clad chimpanzee.
The Cocky Ass Clown can easily be spotted from across a crowded room- they are the one who's singing to the ladies and flashing their irresistible dimples. Muscle tee-shirts and butt chins are also dead giveaways. The Cocky Ass Clown has, for whatever reason, come to believe that they are extremely desirable to the opposite sex, and therefore will commence with such cheesiness as delivering crappy pick-up lines or spouting off personal poetry. If you happen upon a Cocky Ass Clown and they grab a guitar out from behind a sofa...RUN!
To the E.A.C., the power of the almighty dollar is much more important than their own pride. Like the Classic Ass Clown, the E.A.C. never turns down a career opportunity, especially when it gives them a chance to sell themselves to White America as a 'hip black guy'. Their tactics range from pimping people's rides to teaching the correct pronunciation of 'dawg', as well as adding 'izzle' to every word in the English language.
With the Presidential election mere months away, this type of Ass Clown seems to be coming out of the woodwork! And since being a Democrat is the new Kabbalah, celebrities have been absolutely shameless in their desire to jump on the Kerry/Edwards bandwagon. This type of Ass Clown likes to participate in all the expected cheesiness that accompanies political campaigns, such as shaking hands, signing autographs, and dreaming of what a perfect world it would have been if the Macarena-dancing Al Gore had taken the presidency. Fortunately, there is a P.A.C. repellent: simply question their beliefs and within mere seconds their head will explode.
