Argument: Car Horns
HOLLY (anti-horn)
Although there is a horn attached to your steering wheel, it does not give you the right to use it at every opportunity. Just because you’re irritated at the way another person is driving, it does not mean that you need to tell them by blaring your horn. The horn should only be used in situations where there is no other way to get another driver’s attention.
LAURIE (pro-horn)
A car horn was invented to serve a purpose- to alert drivers of terrible, life-threatening mistakes they are about to make, or to simply tell them that they are idiots. And every so often, they can be used for fun- like letting that man who tripped while picking up his morning paper know that you saw him do it (yes, that really happened, and yes, I did honk). Without car horns, automobiles are basically mute piles of metal just lumbering along not communicating with each other.
HOLLY
Laurie doesn't know what she's talking about. The car horn is to be used only in emergencies. Emergencies include letting the person in front of you know that the light has changed and they must move forward or if a car is swerving into your lane, on the verge of hitting you. If the horn is used for lesser infractions, the other driver will become nervous and flustered and might over-compensate for their mistake. Another possibility is that the honking will infuriate the driver and they will try to teach you a lesson. The lesson includes cutting you off, tailing you, or continuing their current path just to piss you off.
LAURIE
I'm glad that Holly brought up the term "cutting you off" because it reminds me of a conversation that we had about a month ago that went something like this:
Holly: I rarely use my horn.
Laurie: Really? What if someone cuts you off?
Holly: Ehh, I just speed up and cut them off to show them that I'm pissed.
If this is your line of thinking, I definitely feel that the car horn is the lesser of two evils. And if car horns were only meant to be used in emergencies, then why do so many cars have "cute"-sounding horns?
HOLLY
In anticipation of Laurie bringing up this conversation and taking it out of context, I have prepared a retort. In the rare case that I am in a hurry and cannot afford yet another idiot blocking my path, I impliment "plan B" and execute the "cut off" maneuver. I say in "rare cases" because, let's face it, I never have anywhere important to go besides a hair appointment...which makes it even rarer that I'd cut someone off.
And in response to Laurie's "cute-sounding" horns theory, I reply by saying that the only reason miniature cars (i.e. VW BUGS) are allowed on the road is because they are equipped with such. These horns are there to make the driver feel more powerful and to announce that they are about to be run over by nomal size cars that missed the small opportunity to see them in their rear view mirrors. If the manufacturer installed a normal horn, it would be too big to fit into the car.
LAURIE
Context?! What context? That WAS the context! But anyway, I had a feeling that there would be some VW Bug-bashing at some point in this argument (for those who don't know, I drive a Bug, while Holly drives an SUV- just call us the Odd Couple). I like to think of cars as fiberglass versions of human beings. Therefore, I would much rather be quick and agile and use my voice (aka: horn) to solve disputes instead of a huge hunk of metal that would run over others if they fail to put on their turn signal. And since my car is equipped with the 'cute' horn, it can be used for several benign messages like, "How ya' doin'?" or "Excuse me, the light is green"; although laying on the horn still produces the often needed "What were you thinking, you shithead?" Trying to kill the passengers of the other car is not what I consider proper communication- I would much rather embarass them in front of all the drivers and pedestrians within earshot.
HOLLY
Two things:
1. If I were to hear a horn honk, I would never assume that someone is saying "how ya' doin'?". When horns honk, I look around immediately to see what the cause is. If you think about it, this can only cause further problems. Humans are curious by nature and must find the source of the noise. This delays traffic because people are too busy looking around. So, really, honking just causes more trouble.
2. This conversation took place yesterday via our cell phones (text messaging):
Laurie: Ummm...There was just a random clown walking through the Merchandise Mart lobby. The best part is that he honked at me when I did a double take.
Holly: Yet another improper use of a horn...
Laurie: Damn you!
So, I take it from her response that she realizes that horns are overrated and are used too frequently.
Laurie claims that she often uses her "cute" horn as a greeting. Being her friend for the whole time she's been equipped with a driver's license, I have never once seen her use her horn in that manner. In fact, when we're driving together and a driver does something that does not please Laurie, her face contorts into a ball of anger, her arms straighten and lock, and she blares her horn. This is always preceded by me scrunching down in the seat to avoid being seen...as if it weren't embarassing enough to be seen in
a VW Bug.
LAURIE:
As soon as my hand hits my car horn, my anger is vented, and I can go on with my day. For anti-horn people like Holly, the anger gets balled up inside them until they eventually start firing off a rifle from a random clock-tower.
By the way, the clown may have, according to Holly, 'improperly' used his horn, but it still brought a smile to my face! And in the world of happy car horns, I have only two words for you: La Cucaracha. I rest my case.
Additional Argument added a couple months later...
LAURIE:
Upon returning from her recent honeymoon in Jamaica, my sister informed me that the Jamaicans use their horns A LOT. Surprising, you would think, for people who would seem to be so mellow, but it turns out that they honk in order to alert oncoming drivers of their approach on winding, mountainous roads. So, while the image of a car flying off a cliff with dreadlocks flailing out the driver's side window is undeniably amusing, Holly's anti-horn theory would undoubtedly lead to a large decrease in the Jamaican population.