All The Women...

Standard disclaimers apply

Note: This was written on the way to Louisiana, with Spif Trekspert, a fellow J/Cer sitting *right* next to me! I guess that's what it takes to get me to write!

Thanks Spiffy, Texas was great!!!!!

All the Women…

By: Kathryn Murphy

March 14 1999 Somewhere between Texas and Louisiana

Captain's personal log

I knew there was something different about this one. Maybe it was the way she looked when they were together, or the way she looked when they were apart. Either way, it broke my heart every time.

Seska was his first; when he came on board, she was never far behind. I could lie and say it didn't bother me, but the truth was, I think I was jealous. I thought that he should be devoting his time to our new alliance, and not running at her ever whim.

When the Doctor told me about Seska's 'condition', I was stunned to say the least. Of course I thought of the crew, their safety and well being, but it was the look in his eyes, the pain and betrayal that really stuck with me.

It took time for him to deal with what Seska had put him through; even today I know it still hurts when someone mentions her name.

Riley was a sneaking, conniving, overbearing woman who used any means possible to get what she wanted, including seducing my best friend.

She had no consideration as to the lasting effects of her antics, as long as it was a benefit to her in the end, even if it meant breaking someone's heart.

He trusted her, hell he even stood up for her, risking his rapport with me because he believed her. And in the end, he was the one who got hurt.

There have been times when I think he wonders if he could have done anything different. Whether he believes me or not, I don't think there was.

I didn't know Kellin like the others, or if I did, I don't remember, but I do know that he felt something for her. Whether it was love or infatuation, I'm not sure; I don't think he even knows.

Kellin touched him in a way only he will ever know, but she had a lasting effect on me. As the details of their time together began to fade, he was writing, as I am now, preserving the memory of what once was and what might have been.

Chakotay has met someone new, someone to hold in his arms, to keep warm at night, and through it all, I can't help but wonder if someday, it will be me. Maybe I'll never know.

End Log

Fine

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