Disclaimer: Unfortunately for you and me, Star Trek Voyager is
the property of Paramount Pictures, but we're free to add our own
ideas right?
Author's Note: This Story is dedicated to Spif
Trekspert. An amazing friend, and author. Hey Spif...You're still
the best!!!
By Kathryn Murphy
July 1998
Kathryn Janeway was dreaming. She was wrapped in his arms, and he was holding her so close. They were dancing in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by their friends and family.
It was their wedding day.
Chakotay leaned in closer and whispered something in her ear.
"What?", she asked.
He smiled, and lightly brushed his index finger over her lips.
"Even in death, I will never leave you", he said.
Her eyes widened in horror, ans she pushed herself back.
"No, don't say that." she cried.
"No..."
"NO......."
Kathryn bolted up from her bed, breathing heavily, tears
streaming down her face. *It was only a dream* she told herself.
She took a deep breath, and lowered herself back to the bed, her
arm resting over her stomach.
She turned her head to the right, and immediately closed her
eyes.
It was empty.
The other side of her bed had been empty for seven months now.
It didn't get any easier.
Kathryn sighed, and rolled over, hugging the blankets around her
tightly. She had been doing that for a while now, trying to
replace the feel of his arms around her at night.
It didn't work.
Seven months, had it really been that long? It felt like only
yesterday, that she had been called to Sickbay. The day her
entire world came crashing down around her.
She could still see his beautiful face, as their hands lay,
entwined together.
She closed her eyes, as she fought to keep back the flood of
tears that threatened to spill.
"He's still with you Kathryn, " she told herself
quietly, "He always will be."
Yes, seven months was a long time. So much had happened.
***
After a lengthy investigation, they had finally discovered what
happened that day on Taura Prime. It seemed that the Minister had
been scheduled to arrive at a meeting in the same hover car that
her away team had been designated.
An opposing political party had taken the opportunity to 'rid
themselves of any major competition in the next world-wide
election'.
An easy way out that destroyed so many innocent lives, she
thought.
Chakotay had not been the only victim of the bombing that day.
There were many injuries, as well as another casualty, a young
girl by the name of Tearnan. Chakotay had perished trying to save
her, but in the end, they both had been killed.
Such a waste of life.
She could remember the Minister's face on the Viewscreen.
***
"Please accept my sincere apologies on your loss."
he had said. Of course, he had not been injured in the accident.
She had to force back the bile in her throat, as she responded.
Her hatred for this man was evident to those around her. In her
eyes, he had destroyed her life; taken away the father of her
unborn child. And here he was trying to apologize, his smug face
staring at her through the Viewscreen.
***
Kathryn rolled in bed again, tucking her arms under her
pillow.
She could remember the day of Chakotay's funeral. Everyone
offered their condolences; they knew their Captain was grieving.
Some offered advice on how to deal with the death of a loved one,
and she receive numerous 'I'm there if you need to talk'
speeches, but it was Tom and B'Elanna who had helped her the
most.
They reminded her the Chakotay loved her, and their baby, and
that they were always there for her.
One day, almost a week after Chakotay's death, Tom came to see
how she was doing. Something he said made her stop and think.
He told her that even though Chakotay was gone, he was still
alive. In her, and their daughter. And that she should remember
all of the good times they had together.
For once, she took his advice.
***
Kathryn rolled on to her back, resisting the urge to get a cup
of coffee. That was the last thing she needed right now.
Funny isn't it, how something so trivial as a cup of coffee can
bring back some wonderful memories. She smiled, in spite of
herself. Chakotay was always after her about her caffeine
addiction.
On that day, so may months ago, when Tom came to visit, she
stopped feeling sorry for herself, and started living again. When
things got hard, she had only to remember him, and what they
shared, and she would make it through.
***
She rolled over once again, and pushed the covers from her body. She couldn't sleep.
Kathryn grabbed the afghan at the end of her bed, and made her
way to the next room.
She ordered herself a cup of herbal tea, a blend Chakotay had
once given her, and settled on the couch, wrapping the blanket
around her, and looked up at the stars.
Even today, she found comfort in them. Many times after a hard
day, she would retreat to this spot, and watch the stars go by.
They had a calming effect on her, and they never ceased to
disappoint her.
One night in particular, she found herself sitting here, afraid,
but not alone.
B'Elanna had just given birth. A boy, Ryan Chakotay, named
after the man B'Elanna thought of as a brother. He was beautiful.
She had gone to Sickbay, but couldn't bring herself to go in the
door. Instead, she found herself back on her couch, under the
stars.
She would be going through that in a few months, only she
wouldn't have a loving husband by her side. She would be alone,
in the physical sense of the word.
She wasn't sure how long she had been there, but when she looked
up, Tom was sitting beside her. "Hey Kat." he said.
"Hey", she replied.
And then they started. She cried for the first time, in a very
long time. She cried for Chakotay, and for not being able to
protect him; she cried because she loved him so much, and because
she was scared. She cried because those bastards had taken him
away from her, and because he would never get to hold his little
girl.
Her tears kept coming; she had no idea how much pain she had been
keeping bottled up inside.
Somewhere along the way, Tom had taken her in his arms, and
held her, as she released all the emotions of the past few weeks.
She even cried for the little girl who's life Chakotay had died
trying to save.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, but she remembered waking up in her own bed.
And she smiled.
***
A sound from the next room caught Kathryn's attention. She stood, dropped the blanket on the couch, and walked across the room. The door opened, and cries assaulted her ears.
Hungry cries.
Kathryn smiled and walked over to the crib, and peered in at her
crying daughter.
"Shh Tearnan, it's alright, Mommy's here." she
whispered softly, as she picked up her hungry little girl.
She started to rub her back, as she walked over to the rocking
chair and sat down.
Chakotay had started work on the chair soon after he found out
she was pregnant, and he had finished it only days before his
death.
She ran her hand over the soft wood, enjoying the feel of it
against her hand, as she opened the front of her night gown,
allowing Tearnan access.
The little girl grasped hungrily at her mother's breast, and
started to feed greedily.
"You're hungry tonight, aren't you little one?" she
spoke softly, as she brushed her finger over her daughter's
cheek.
She was a combination of both parents; her skin darker than her
mother's but not as deep as her father's, her hair was light
brown, and her eyes; her eyes were all Chakotay. Two deep brown
orbs peered up at her through half-closed eye lids.
Kathryn smiled, and leaned her head back.
She truly was blessed. She had a beautiful daughter, wonderful
friends who loved and supported her, a job she adored.
Things were going to be alright.
Chakotay once told her, 'The treasures of life are the memories
you hold in your heart' and for that reason, Kathryn knew that
she was the richest woman in the Universe.
She looked down at her daughter, as she began to fuss in her
arms. Chakotay had given her so much in their time together but
Tearnan was the most precious of all, and she vowed to do
anything to protect this gift.
Kathryn began to rock back and forth in the chair, brushing her
little one's hair with her fingertips. As her little eyes were
closing, Kathryn began to sing.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you
a Mockingbird..."
Fine
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