Should You Go First

Should You Go First

Spiffy and Rynie: Partners in Crime

March 8, 1999~ T-Minus47 hrs, 17 minutes

Disclaimer: You know the drill...Paramount owns 'em all, we just let them have fun.

Author's note: (Spif) Okay it maybe sad..BUT AT LEAST WE /FINALLY/ WROTE SOMETHING TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Note (Ryn) We met, we became friends, we fought (need I mention 'The War'?!?), we ranted, we talked, we cried, we rang up *exceptional* LD bills, yet, we have never written a J/C story together...until now! Is the world ready for this?....I don't think so.

Dedication: This story is dedicated to the Sixers; our friends through thick and thin...and there have been many trying times. DankYou guys:-)

~*~

"Not funny Tom!" Kathryn Janeway sparred back at her pilot and companion. They were headed for a small planetoid rich in galicite, at the Doctor's grumbled approval. Kathryn patted her thick belly. "I'll remember that when I need a babysitter!"

"Yes Ma'am!" Tom Paris saluted gruffly, before succumbing to laughter. "So, seriously, what will you name my goddaughter?"

" Or son! I'm not sure yet. We spent a good part of last night arguing over boy and girl na-" Janeway's words were cut short as the ship jolted aggressively.

"What the hell?" Paris demanded of his console, before turning to his captain, and her precious cargo. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're fine," Kathryn replied, checking her instruments to see what had caused the jolt. "What was that?"

"I'm showing massive ionic interference on the surface."

"That wasn't there five minutes ago. What could be-" But she never got a chance to finish.

~*~

"Tuvok, any sign of them?" Chakotay asked again, walking for the security console. He hadn't been able to stand still for a second since Harry had informed him of the shuttle drop from sensors.

"No commander, please try to be patient," the Vulcan asked, looking his superior square in the eye.

"That's easy for you to say, your wife and baby aren't lost on some unknown planetoid," Chakotay replied, drumming his fingers, before taking another tour of the bridge.

"Damn it!" he exclaimed suddenly, slamming his hand on a console and giving the bridge a start. "Where the hell could they be!"

~*~

"Tom, I think there's something wrong!" Kathryn insisted through clinched teeth. The two officers had been stranded for almost seven hours, and just shortly after crashing, Kathryn went into labor.

"Oh shit," Tom whispered, bringing his hand up. It was covered in thick red liquid.

"What?" she demanded, looking at him.

"Nothing, just give me a few more big ones and this will all be over. I promise."

"Tom, I am your captain, and you are a bad liar. What's going on?"

The lieutenant rolled his eyes. Damn she was perceptive. "Okay, don't panic, but there's a little more bleeding down my way then expected, but I'm sure you're going to be just fine."

"Paris, I am giving birth in a crashed shuttle, and I'm also two seconds from ripping your throat out. Tell me what's wrong with my baby!"

"Honest truth, the baby's just fine, and if you would concentrate on your pushing instead of trying to kill me, she'd be here by now. So come on, one, two, three push!"

Kathryn screamed fervently as she bore down, gripping onto the shuttle carpeting. A sudden, twice as intense pain gripped her abdomen and she gasped. "Oh my god what was that?"

Tom felt the blood leave his face. "I think that was you ripping apart in side, but I have no way of knowing."

"What do you mean Paris?!"

"I mean you were bleeding internally, and now you're hemorrhaging internally-"

"What?"

"Just, if you can, push past it and we'll try to deliver this baby before Voyager finds us. Trust me on this, you'll be fine, just concentrate on your pushing, okay? One more, the heads already out, and we can get you back to the ship so Doc can patch you up."

Kathryn nodded in acknowledgement and prepared to bear her soul once more.

~*~

"Commander I've found them!" Harry exclaimed from his console. Chakotay jumped over the rail towards the ensign. "I'm showing, one, two…three life signs, sir."

"Three?" the commander gasped. "Surely she didn't-"

"Yes sir she did!" Harry beamed. "But somebody's been injured badly, we need to beam them directly to sick bay."

~*~

"Doctor!" Chakotay exclaimed, bolting through the sickbay doors. His elated heart was ceased however, when he saw the look of sorrow on the hologram's face.

"I'm sorry Commander, there's nothing I can for her, she' just lost too much blood. But she's asking for you."

He was shocked. Certainly the doctor wasn't saying what he was thinking. "The baby?"

"Is fine, but I think you should be with her now. Before it's too late."

Chakotay made his way slowly to where Kathryn lay. Her eyes were mere slits, looking towards the little white bundle nestled in her arm. "Look Chakotay, look what we did," Kathryn whispered, not looking up at him.

"I know baby, I know," he whispered, stroking her hair as his tears fell.

"So beautiful, so utterly perfect." She looked up at him. "Take good care of this little one?"

"Oh Kathryn." His voice cracked.

"Promise me," she pleaded quietly, gently placing her hand on his.

"I promise," he whispered as more tears fell.

"And remember I'm always with you. Always." And then she was gone.

Tears fell on her silken hair as her husband bent down to give her one last kiss. "I'll never forget. Never."

~*~

Voyager's new Captain rose gracefully from his chair, his head held high, despite the sorrow in his brown eyes. As he moved forward he was carried along by the strength of his friends; his family.
As he made his way past B'Elanna, the young engineer reached out, and took his hand, her eyes searching his, conveying words of encouragement and love. She tried to speak, but no sound was heard, only Chakotay's silent acknowledgement at the words he could only see;
'She's here.'

Forward he walked, past Tom and Harry, Seven of Nine and Neelix, sitting to his left. As he reached the podium, Tuvok took a step back, and placed his arm on Chakotay's shoulder. "She will be with you forever Commander, in here, " he said, gesturing to his temple, and with a slow movement, he touched Chakotay's chest, his hand hovering above his heart, "and here. May she find peace."

Peace. That which he had longed for, for so long, and had found in the heart of his enemy. And as readily as she had given it, she took it just as quickly, when she left him. His life had been shattered with the passing of a heart beat, the other half of his broken soul now drifted in among the stars, and he hoped, wherever she was, that she was watching him, here today.

"We are born, we learn, we find love, and we die. It is the one commonality among every sentient being in the Universe. I could stand here, and list the important accomplishments in the life of Kathryn Janeway, but that would be nothing of the woman whom we have come to love."

Chakotay paused, looking out into the crowd of people who had come to pay their respects. Seeing the faces of the ones she had touched so deeply, made his heart tighten even more, knowing that she would never realize what a profound effect she had.

"Kathryn Janeway was a Starfleet officer, who had many talents with which to get her crew home; her intellectual ability, her scientific reasoning, all of which made her a good Captain. But what made her a great Captain, were her compassion, and her feelings. Almost five years after our journey began, I was finally allowed into Kathryn's life. Not Kathryn the Captain, but Kathryn the woman; the one who liked to sleep late on the weekends, the one who, although not
admittedly, had a profound addiction to coffee."
He stopped momentarily, savoring the few chuckles from the crowd below him.

"Kathryn Janeway brought something special to each and every one of us; in our work, in our lives. For me, she was my partner, my confidant, my lover, but most importantly, she was my best friend. She was the one who listened while I talked, and gave me a shoulder to cry on. More often then not, Kathryn knew what I needed, even before I did, and she was always there for me. Always."
Shifting his weight, Chakotay stepped to his right, his arms reaching for the small child in Samantha Wildman's arms. "Com'ere Precious," he whispered, taking the child.
"When Kathryn found out she was pregnant, I can remember the look on her face, as she walked through the doors. It was something I will never forget."

Throughout the mess hall, the silence hung in the air, heavy with sorrow and pain. This crew, brought together by fate, held together by love, was now forced to move on, without their guiding hand. Chakotay could feel tears, as they threatened to fall, and the lump in his throat seemed to be stuck there permanently. Looking down at his little miracle, and if ever there was one, sleeping in his arms, Chakotay knew he had to continue; for himself, for the crew, and for her.

"Not long after Voyager passed through the Void, Kathryn came across a book of poetry. She brought the book to my quarters, and we spent the night on the floor, reading centuries old poetry to one another, over wine and chocolate; candles burning all around. And she turned to me, with that silly grin on her face and said, 'read this.' I took the poem, and when I was finished, I was having trouble deciding if she was grinning because of the unlikeliness of our relationship, the situation as a whole, or simply, that the wine had finally taken its toll. I realize now that it was a turning point for her and I, something that will be forever embedded in my thoughts."

Chakotay looked up, his eyes following the faces of his closest friends, and then settled on those of his, their little miracle. "Kathryn is gone, but in each of you, in her memory, and our baby, she will live on. I know, wherever she is, that she is watching us today, and will be with us throughout our journey. She was my love, and my inspiration, she gave me faith, and
friendship, and most importantly, she gave me hope. And as hard as it is for me to let her go, I know that she will always be watching us, and I take comfort in the fact that she will always be there to guide me home."

And Finally, turning to the stars he whispered, "Kathryn, I will love you forever, and I will see you, in time."
As a single tear slid down his cheek, Captain Chakotay of the USS Voyager, began to read.

Should you go first and I remain,
To walk the road alone,
I'll live in memory's garden, dear,
With happy days we've known.
In Spring I'll wait for roses red,
When fades the lilac blue,
In early Fall when brown leaves call
I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain,
For battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way
Will be a hallowed spot.
I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile,
Though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand
Will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain,
To finish with the scroll,
No length 'ning shadows shall creep in
To make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness,
We've had our cup of joy,
And memory is one gift of God
That death cannot destroy.

Should you go first and I remain,
One thing I'd have you do:
Walk slowly down that long, lone path,
For soon I'll follow you.
I'll want to know each step you take
That I may walk the same,
For some day down that lonely road
You'll hear me call your name.
~'Should You Go First' by Albert Kennedy "Rosey" Rowswell

Fine

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