Disclaimer: Yada Yada Yada, Paramount owns ‘em, I’m just breaking their hearts.
You Spoke, and I Believed
Ó Kathryn Murphy
As we beamed down and I looked around, I knew instantly that I was not the only one being affected. I watched, my eyes slowly adjusting to the sunlight, as the other members of the away team were no doubt, feeling the same thing.
The planet was serene, a precious treasure found floating among a vast region of space, and we all took advantage.
We had been asked to send delegates to represent Voyager at a local conference, and in return, we were offered some shore leave. Of course, Tuvok and I both objected to you going down, but as always, you said you’d "be fine" and that was the end of it.
And so, here we were.
I was seated on the left side of the marble table, with Tuvok to my right, and you across. For the life of me, I could not keep my mind on the proceedings, but it wasn’t until later, that I understood why.
There was something not quiet right, feelings I thought were buried were drifting their way back to the surface. I kept my gaze directed toward the front of the room, but I soon felt your eyes on me.
And I turned to look at the woman sitting across from me, and I knew she was feeling the same thing.
After meeting my eyes, you rose from the table, excused yourself, and turned, apologizing for not staying longer.
And I didn’t miss the look you cast over your shoulder as you made your way through the doors.
Tuvok glanced my way, and I only nodded, a silent agreement that I would follow you, in due time. And so I waited, enduring second after second at the table, my heart racing, in anticipation of what was waiting for me outside.
Finally, I gracefully excused myself, for some reason or another; I can’t seem to remember what I had said, but it didn’t matter.
I opened the heavy wooden doors and cringed as the sunlight assaulted my eyes. Slowly, the dancing stars subsided, and I began to look around.
I half expected you to jump out and grab me, but you didn’t. Had I misjudged your intentions? No. That look in your eye only meant one thing.
But as I stood there alone, I began to wonder. And then I felt you grab my hand from behind, and pull me to the side.
You whispered something in my ear then, but I can’t recall, for the life of me, what it was. What I do remember though, is the smile on your face, and the way that smile didn’t quiet reach your eyes.
But I was oblivious to it all, at that moment; we both were.
You told me you knew just where to go. Somewhere quiet and safe, away from everything. "Our own little piece of paradise" you called it.
And I smiled and followed you down the cobble stone streets of that city, slowly weaving our way in and out of the mid day traffic.
The only thing I remember about that journey was the warmth of your hand in mine, the sincerity in which you led me to "our place".
At one point I stumbled, my foot caught in a crevice. You turned to me concern written on your apprehensive features and you searched my face. "I’m alright" I managed, breathless from the pace at which we’d been taking, and the anticipation of what lie ahead.
When we arrived, I stopped at the door, and while one part of me pleaded that I wouldn’t wake up, the other wished you would say something, anything to make this real.
I began with the cautious protests I’d gone through a hundred times before, but this time you didn’t walk away. You silenced my worries with a kiss I felt in every ounce of my body, and then I carried you to our corner of the world, and gave you what you wanted.
I could feel your eyes on me as I woke up. Automatically I reached for you, but inside, I don’t think I was surprised when you pulled away. I felt I should say something, anything to let you know that I understood, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out.
In reality, I didn’t understand. I had no idea why or how this had happened in the first place, but what I did know, was that it had happened.
When you sat up, hugging your knees to you chest, I could tell from the subtle way your shoulders shook, that you were crying. And it broke my heart. I wanted nothing more then to hold you and tell you that everything would be all right, but I knew…
Well, we both knew.
It seems like only yesterday I was begging to hold you in my arms. I remember when I got dressed, I walked to the door, but before I left, I looked over at you, alone on the bed. And I realized that what I saw in your eyes, what overshadowed everything else in your heart, was the regret you felt about us.
And I knew, finally, it really was just a mistake.
And no matter what happens in the years to come, it will always be a part of our past, and I have come to believe that the past is nothing more then childhood dreams and broken promises. And I know there will eventually come a time when crowded cobble stone streets won’t bring me back to that day, and I’m sure the memories of "our place" will fade with time.
Then again, maybe not.
Fine
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