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WHERE'S THE TOILET?

Mr. Halloran flung our suitcases and boxes

into the back of his pickup

like they were empty.

Wes and Jimmy's eyes bugged out

because they knew how heavy those boxes and suitcases were.




Then he helped us kids up there

put up the tailgate

and away we went!


For the first five minutes I put my hands around the fancy hairdo

that Mom had fixed for me before we left Arizona

but the wind whipped through it

the sun beat down on it

and I had to give up.


Jimmy and Wes were laughing

punching each other

enjoying the ride.


I could see through the back window of the cab

that Mom and Daddy and Mr. Halloran were all jabbering away

and Daddy was talking with his hands

like he always did when he was happy.


Daddy turned to look at us

and pointed with his finger

and down the dirt road


We saw a pretty little white house




and a pretty little white church

side by side

in a grassy green yard

with a forest of pine trees behind them.


We pulled into the driveway

and the boys jumped out over the tailgate

and Daddy helped Mom out of the truck

and Mr. Halloran helped me out

and we all stood and looked at our house.


"I sure hope you're going to like it here Sister Naomi,"

Mr. Halloran said to Mom.


And Mom's eyes welled up

and she said

"It's so pretty!

and so white!"




The house was small

but spotless

and so sweet!


It made you feel like it was wrapping its arms around you.




Mr. Halloran bustled around

happy and proud

and showed us the curtains that Sister Bessie and Sister Fran

had made out of a silky material

tiny yellow roses growing on a dainty green vine.


He opened all the drawers in the kitchen

to show us the new silverware

and nary a roach ran out!


The icebox was filled to the brim

with baked beans and chicken and deviled eggs

and cakes and pies and salads and bread.


He showed us the new sofa in the living room

bought just for us

soft, green, with matching pillows


endtables

lamps

a footstool

and a rocking chair.


Mom's face was lit up with joy.



He told us that they hadn't had a Pastor of their own in years

so the whole congregation was thrilled and thankful to God

that we were here

and they took up a collection

to fix up the parsonage.




Last of all, because it was back behind the bedrooms

he showed us the bathroom.


It had a nice new tub

and a sink with counters to either side of it

and blue and yellow striped curtains at the window

and a blue scatter rug on the floor

and blue and yellow towels folded up on the edge of the tub.


It was the nicest bathroom we ever had.



Daddy was itching to get done with the house

so he could look at the garage

and the church which sat only a few yards from the house

so he started to sneak away


when Mom said


"Where's the toilet?"


and Daddy came back to the bathroom


and Mr. Halloran said


"We have a water pressure problem so we decided not to

put a toilet in

because it probably wouldn't work."


Dead silence.


Which was unusual because we were a noisy family.

We were all wondering if there were enough bushes

to go behind.


"But", Mr. Halloran said,

there's a two-holer in the back yard."


He led us out back

where there was a path

that went right up to a little teeny building

and inside there was a toilet paper holder

and a wide plank

that had two holes cut out of it.




The boys looked into the holes

and backed away real quick

and me and Mom and Daddy had the good sense

to not even go inside.


"Now," Mr. Halloran said

"the only thing you have to be careful of

is black widow spiders.


See this brush?"

and he pointed at a big brush hanging on a nail

"just use this to brush them away if you need to sit."



YIKES!


"and there are a couple of thunderpots stored away in the garage

if you would rather use those at night."


And after that grand finale,

as Daddy called our visit to the two-holer

Mr. Halloran gave Mom a hug

shook hands with Daddy

said "Praise the Lord!"



took a blue bandanna out of his pocket

wiped the tears off his cheeks

climbed into his pickup truck

hollered that he was looking forward to seeing us all on Sunday

and if we needed anything he was only a mile down the road

waved

and drove away.


We went back into our lovely little house

that had everything we needed

except for a toilet.


Mom and Daddy were opening suitcases and boxes

and Jimmy asked

"What's a thunderpot, Daddy?"

and Daddy said,

"Beats me, I never heard of one before

so why don't you go out to the garage and see

if you can find something

that looks like a thunderpot."


Jimmy brought in two blue pots

that had handles

and he put the baby on one

and danced around

and sang

"Do do the doodoo"


and the baby was kicking his feet and laughing to beat the band

until Mom told Jimmy to quit it

before the baby got hurt.


"Put one pot in each bedroom

just in case," she said.


Mom let us take anything we wanted out of the icebox for supper

so I got myself 4 devilled eggs

and some beans

and a piece of lemon cake.


The two-holer was in the back of all our minds

but it was hard not to be happy in this house!



We were all really tired

and ready to spend our first night here in Grand Bay

so we had devotions right after supper


and Jimmy asked

"Daddy, how come Mr. Halloran called you Brother Jim?"

and Daddy explained that

we were all brothers and sisters in the Lord.


"I hope nobody calls me Brother Wes!"

Wes said

"cause if they do I won't answer them!"


Daddy laughed.

We bowed our heads


and Mom said to the Lord

"Thank you dear Lord for this precious clean little home

that I already love "



and she took her hankie out of her apron pocket

and wiped her eyes


and Daddy said

"Let me be a good Pastor to this church

where they haven't had a spiritual leader in so long."


and Wes prayed

"Help me not to have to peepee at night"


and me and Jimmy said a loud AMEN to that.






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