and lacy dress.
And here was Judy
who was deformed.
Her rear end stuck out in a ridiculous way.
Mom had said she was called a sitting doll
and that she could sit on a windowsill
or a table
but I never did cotton to her
or play with her
or put her on a windowsill
so her blue dress was still crisp
and her red painted lips were still smiling
but just holding her made me shiver.
I put her in the "childish things" pile.
Here was Shirley Temple
in her pink polka-dotted dress
and curls
and patent leather shoes.
She was my first doll.
I had taken her to Mutter's
Christmas night
when I was four
and all my uncles and aunts and cousins
had thought she was so beautiful!
I was so proud to be her mother!
I didn't think I could give her up at all.
I put her on my bed.
Last was Rapunzel
whose long brown locks were matted
whose velvet dress was stained
and who had a nasty-looking puss on her.
Tippie had gotten hold of her
when we lived in Phoenix
and mussed her up
and if Tippie were here in the bedroom with me
right now
I would let him have at her
and finish her off.
I pitched her onto the "childish things" pile.
I went to the garage
got a shovel
went back into the house
gathered up Rapunzel
Judy
and Betsy Wetsy
dug a hole by the fence
and dropped them in.
That night, at devotions
it seemed to me that I had cheated the Lord.
He didn't say to put aside just three of your childish things.
So my prayer was
"Dear Lord, when you said to put away childish things
does it matter if you don't put them all away?"
Mom looked at me.
So of course I knew I had to explain it to her.
She said
"Well, Lynna-girl, that's between you and the Lord."
So she was no help.
In the middle of the night
I knew that it had to be all or nothing
so I got up
took Shirley off the bed
stumbled around in the dark until I found Lucy Mae
and Genevieve
and took them all outside
and buried them
I just wanted the Lord to know
that I was able to do it
for Him.
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Music playing: Trust and Obey
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Story taken from my actual diaries
Go to Page 46
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