I thought we were going to the movies
but we stopped at a bar on the way
and I got the pleasure and the privilege
of sitting across a table from him
and watching him get drunk.
I went to the ladies room
and pretended to fix up my face
so that I could come back and say
"I'm ready to go!"
but he just looked at me bleary-eyed
and kept drinking.
Later, when he was sober and back at work
I asked him why he asked me out
and he said because he was lonely
and I thought
"Yeah, he's lonely for liquor."
Next I went out with Gary.
He was real good-looking
so I brushed my hair 100 times again
and we went to a concert
by Kenny Rogers.
It was great!
Loud music and lots of excitement!
But after the concert he parked his car by the river
and grabbed me
with his hands everywhere on my body
and started kissing me by mashing my mouth
against my teeth
and it was horrible
because his mouth tasted salty
and because I didn't like it one bit.
So that was the end of Gary the Groper.
Next was Bert
short but cute
and we went to a retirement party together.
The food was good
and there was lots of dancing
which I didn't know how to do very well
and would have liked to learn
but Bert was too busy being sarcastic.
"Look at Bernie in that short dress"
he said to me.
"She's an old dame trying to pretend she's young again."
Well, that didn't sit right with me.
I loved Bernie.
"Ronald's going to die"
was his next comment
about the man who was retiring.
"People who retire always die within six months
and he's so old and flabby he might die right here and now."
After a little bit I started looking around
for someone else to sit with
someone who could laugh
without snickering
at other people.
One day I came home to the Y
and was surprised to find a letter from Mom
in my mailbox.
"Dearest Lynne,"
it said.
"I hope this finds you well and happy.
I've been thinking about you a lot
and wondering if you're dating
and I wanted to tell you that the secret to having happy dates
is to be cheerful.
Love,
Your Mom."
I loved Mom for wanting to help me
but she had no idea what it was like
out here in the real world!
Music Playing: When I Fall In Love
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