Mom started to have babies
One, two, one on the way.
I asked her why
and she told me the Lord wanted her to give life to these souls.
I didn't like it one bit.
I pointed out to her that the babies were making her tired
and me too
and that our congregation didn't like it
that there were so many of us
and Mom agreed with me
but she felt that she was doing what God wanted her to do
so what more could I say?
It seemed to me that babies were crying all day
and all night
and their diapers were smothering us
in peepee
making our parsonage stink.
Also Daddy was getting upset about money
even though he was making the most he'd ever made
$75 a week in this new church.
He would say to us all
"Where's all that money going?"
and nobody would have an answer for him.
I started to feel anxious
and my rib cage would tighten up
causing me to take short breaths
and making prickles run over my skin
and air raid drills at school made me feel like I was going to faint.
I had trouble sleeping too.
If an airplane droned over our house at night
I would wake up
and lay there curled in a ball
scared
waiting for the scream of dropping bombs.
I was a mess.
One Saturday I came home from my housecleaning job
and found Mom alone
sitting in her rocker
staring out the side window.
I slipped out of my coat in a hurry
tossed it towards the bannister
and ran into the living room to talk to her.
"Mom," I said
"I'm having a terrible time.
I can't sleep at night.
Kids at school don't like me
and I'm afraid of bombs."
Mom reached out and took my hand
and folded it in hers
and floods of warm love shot through me.
"Lynna-girl," she said
"I'm having the same problems."
She left off talking
and stared out the window
and kept my hand folded in hers.
I knelt by her rocker
and stared out the window with her
at the blank white cold silent nothingness
of a New Jersey winter.
My hand
wrapped in her little warm ones
grew limp and calm and quiet.
Then a baby cried
upstairs
and we both jumped
startled at the intrusion
and Mom let go of my hand and said,
"Run up and change his diaper while I warm up his bottle."
That was the last time I was ever alone
with my beautiful little Mom.
And it was the last time she ever called me
Lynna-girl.