with his kisses.
But of course he wouldn't.
Because the truth of the matter was
that I had married the first guy who asked me
because I was practically homeless
and alone
no churchladies to hold my hand
and my hormones wanted me to get married
and there were no Preachers or Deacons or Ushers
anywhere around
and Larry was sweet
and he made sure I ate
so here I was.
I rolled over on the bed and buried my aching head
in the pillow.
I remembered that Paula had the opposite problem.
Ron had adored her when they were first married.
He bought her clothes
and traded in her old Pinto
for a new Plymouth
and he hurried home every night
so that he could smooch with her.
Paula said that her heart leaped to her throat
every time she looked at him
and they had a passion
that was like fireworks and stars and bells
that she felt all tingly and warm
even just being in the car with him.
But when the girls started arriving
he pulled away
and worked harder
and longer
and Paula missed him
and their magical love.
Paula and I were both avid fans
of women's magazines
Redbook McCall's Cosmopolitan
and so of course we had read about women
who wrapped their naked bodies in cellophane
to greet their husbands at the door
or bathed in vanilla bath water
or bought see-through nighties
or bras with holes in them at strategic spots
but the very idea of that made us scream and laugh.
We just couldn't imagine how you could work it out.
What would you do with the kids while you were meeting him
at the door
wrapped in cellophane?
Would you dare to cook supper
in that getup?
Who had time to go out and buy a bunch of bottles of vanilla
to dump into the tub
and sit there and let it soak into your pores
for your husband's delight?
Would either Larry or Ron even notice
if we bought a see-through nightie?
And would you wear it when you got up with the baby
or would you change into something else
in case the baby spit up?
When would you wear the bra?
It wouldn't do you any good during the day
when the men were at work
and it might give you a rash anyway.
So if you wore it at night
would it be before or after you got the kids bathed
and tucked into bed?
If you wore it before
it would be soaked
and not sexy
but if you put it on afterwards
how would you handle
that terrible urge to shuck all your clothes
including your bra
and crawl into your bathrobe?
Would you be willing to suffer
still in your bra at nine PM
sitting around looking like a sex queen
when you were beat
and wanted to go to bed
and sleep?
I rolled over on the bed
and got a kleenex off the nightstand
wiped my nose
eyes
face
because I heard Amy Lynne making those little puffing noises
she made when she was gearing up to cry
and I took her out of the bassinet
walked down the hall with her on my hip
stood by the stove to warm up a bottle
and thought to myself
that if only I could stop myself
from falling into the pit of despair
and depression
if only I could control my moods
I would be fine with my marriage
lonely as it was.
I got dressed
called Paula
put witch hazel on my swollen eyes
fed Adam supper
sat on the patio for a while
watching the sun set
painting my toenails woodsmoke mauve
got the babies to bed
got into my big gathered ruffled nightie
that I wore when I was pregnant
and was still wearing
watched some TV
Archie Bunker
laughed
and Larry came home around midnight
bringing me a box of Moon Pies
which I loved.
That night in bed
listening to Larry snore
feeling myself drifting off
it came to me
that even if I had worn cellophane
bathed in vanilla
twirled my sexy bra
Larry would have been too tired
and so was I
to be bothered.
I went to sleep
wondering
if this is what marriage really is
for most of us.
Even me, who never thought it could happen to me.
Music Playing: I Am Woman
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©2001
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