Driving home, Paula told me some bad news.
Ron had taken a job in Japan
and they were leaving at the end of the month.
Of course, since I was now a wife and a mother
not a child
I swallowed my tears and calmed my bleeding heart
and let her be excited
and chatter about Japan
and her dreams of their new life
until I dropped her and the girls off
then I spent the rest of the day
mourning.
Larry liked a big supper on Sunday
roast chicken mashed potatoes carrots lemon pie
on the table at 5:00 o'clock sharp
so that kept me busy
but still some hot salty tears fell into the gravy.
That night I had a dream.
I dreamed I was the wife of a Japanese man
a businessman in good standing
and we had a son together
who was the apple of his eye
and the marrow of my bones.
We were on holiday
sitting on a stone balcony
and our son was walking on the parapet
calling out to us to watch him
when suddenly he fell over
and I jumped up
heart beating madly
and ran to look down at his broken bloody body
laying on the stones below.
I knew that my life was over.
I would have no respect
no standing in the city
and would creep around
a hollow shell
a non-person
waiting on my husband's mistresses
for of course he would have no allegiance to me
now that our son was dead.
A terrible scream rose up from my throat and split the morning air.
I woke up to my real life adrenalin pumping through my veins
scared
and rushed to Adam and Amy's bedroom
but they were fine
snuggled under the covers
smelling of baby soap
and so was Annabelle
sucking her thumb in her sleep
and I thanked God
that my babies were safe
and that Paula was just leaving
to go to Japan
not dead.
It was just a dream.
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