Mom and Daddy didn't have a TV
so I took the clock radio
off the kitchen counter
and into the dining room
where I had a basket of clothes to iron.
I was still fairly anxious
but safe and warm
from the misty chilly rain outside.
On the radio
they cut away from the traffic report
and announced that President Kennedy had been shot.
I set the iron on the ironing board
and lowered myself into a chair
feeling swamped with anxiety again.
I called Mom
and she came in
and sat down next to me
breathing hard because her asthma was acting up again
and together we heard that the President was dead.
I don't know why it affected me so much.
I didn't vote for him
because I was born and raised a
Republican
but when Mom started to cry
so did I.
Life just seemed too hard and cruel
to want to live it.
But neither me nor Mom
had much time to cry
because the phone started ringing
and it rang all day long
with Daddy's congregation
wanting to see what he had to say about it.
Plus my kids were running around upstairs
causing racket
so I had to go up and settle them down
and tell them that their behavior
in Grammy and Grandpa's house
was not what I expected of them.
Once they were settled with a Connect-The-Dots game
I went back to my ironing board
listening to the radio
to find out how the country was taking
the terrible news.
Then I cooked supper for us all
vegetable beef soup
with a sprinkle of Italian Seasoning
the way Daddy liked it
and Mom and me got all her kids
and mine
bathed and into bed.
Things were finally quiet
around 11:30
so I got into my nightie
and crawled into bed
with Amy and Annabelle.
I laid awake a long time
thinking things over.
Life was hard.
Sometimes I didn't want to be bothered with it.
But it was hard for everybody.
Even the perfect and beautiful Jackie Kennedy.
It seemed to me I had only two choices -
go home and take up my life again
or lollygag around here
depending on Mom and Daddy
until I got a job
and an apartment
and moved out.
I sure didn't look forward to raising my kids alone.
And would that be fair to them?
Larry was the only Daddy they had
and they seemed to like him
even though he didn't pay any attention to them.
I fell to sleep praying about it.
The next morning when I woke up
I knew
it was time to go home
because my kids were missing school
and forgetting their boundaries of behavior
and because it was time for me to play
the hand I was dealt.
As I started packing for the trip home
I thought of Jackie
making funeral arrangements
standing behind her son when he saluted his Daddy's casket
packing away their life in the White House
preparing for a life alone
and I knew that my life would be lonely too.
Larry picked us up at the airport
and I asked him how things had been at home
and he said "okay"
and nothing more.
When I got home
I went around the house
rinsing out the sink which was full of coffee grounds
washing all the cups and bowls
checking the fridge to see if we needed milk
trying to wedge myself back
into the tight corner that was my life.
Anxiety swept over me
but I endured it
because the decision to stay was made
and I wasn't going back to Mom and Daddy.
That night I crawled into bed
beside Larry
who was already snoring
and took up my position
as wife
and mother
again.
As I fell off to sleep
the words of a hymn came into my head
"He speaks, and the sound of His voice
is so sweet the birds hush their singing."
I felt comforted.
I knew I would have help.
Music Playing: In The Garden
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