THE HAPPY LOSER



My brother Jimmy

referred to himself as

the happy loser.


He had a tough life.

He never really recovered from the death of our puppies

in Phoenix

all their little heads stuck in tin cans

by neighborhood kids.


I think that was his first knowledge of the cruelty

of human beings.


Then, in Grand Bay

he took to wetting the bed

instead of going out to the outhouse

at night

in the pitch dark.


So one day Mom had just had it with him

so she made him wear a diaper all day

and to bed at night.


He was nine years old

and the humiliation almost killed him.


That was his first knowledge that Mom

when pushed to her limit

could be cruel.


He was a gentle man

and cruelty cut him to the quick.


He grew up and got married

to a nice girl from our church

who had two children with him


but she went home to her Mama to bathe on Saturday nights

and in the end she took the babies and left him


and that was his first knowledge that life could be cruel.


He and I lived far from each other

so I didn't get to see him much

but one time, when we were together

he told me that his life was pointless.


He didn't know why the Lord had put him

on this earth.



After a while

he stopped referring to himself

as the happy loser.


He just said he was a loser.


And it was through no fault of his.

He worked hard at jobs

only to lose them

because of layoffs

or a new boss who didn't like him

or the company moved.


He always had jobs going on the side.

One time he and a friend

pooled their money to buy a dump-truck

to haul gravel

on weekends


and his friend up and left

with the dump-truck

and their money

and that was that.


He remarried

a nice girl who wasn't good at coping

cleaning

cooking

which he didn't seem to mind as long as she loved him.



They had three children.


Which was good because his first wife

didn't allow him to see his first two children

even though the courts had ordered her to.


The loss of them broke his heart.


Time passed

and Jimmy was a manager at a Chicken Delight.


He met a lot of the townspeople there

and ran for mayor

and it looked like he had a good shot at it.


Life was on the upswing finally!


But colon cancer came along

and stopped his campaign

and his life.



At the funeral

his youngest son laid his head on his Daddy's chest

and sobbed

and when I worked my way up to the casket

I saw that there was a big tearstain on Jimmy's blue suit.


It caught me in the heart

to see that.


I guess what it comes down to

is that everybody matters

even losers.



Music Playing: Against the Wind
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©2001


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