A BALANCE OF EMOTION

By LORRAINE O.

The usual disclaimer...they own them,, I borrow!! appleg@accesscable.net

Takes place during the episode, War

"How is she?"

The voice of Madeline seemed to echo in her head, but Nikita was too tired to bother to try to open her eyes. Instead, she listened, trying to grasp the words floating about her head.

"Better then any of us."

Her heart flipped slightly, and a funny kind of pain spread over her when she heard his soft quiet voice close beside her. The sound of clicking faded away, and the sound of what she assumed was the med labs doors closing. It was then, she felt the warmth of a hand on hers give it a squeeze, then rub gently up her bare arm. Unable to open her eyes still, she was forced to listen to the sounds around her. His hand moved down her arm, across her hip and down her leg as he moved to the other side of the bed. Nikita wanted to scream at him to leave her be, but was unable to utter a sound. Realizing she had no control. She reluctantly concentrated on her surroundings instead.

God. How she hated him at that moment. All his sweet words were nothing but one grand manipulation on Sections behalf. Nikita tried again to fight the drugged haze she was under, but made no progress. Again, the warmth of his hand touched her skin, fingertips grazing the side of her face so gently. Part of her wanted him to gather her in his arms, yet another wanted him as far away from her as possible.

"It wasn’t all a lie."

He was so close, she felt the heat of his breath on her face, heard the shakingly emotional tone in his voice and she found her resolve crumbling. Suddenly, soft warm lips touched hers, his long hair tickling the side of her cheek when it fell forward. Impulsively, she attempted to move her head to the side, and much to her surprise, it happened. It was slight enough to make him break the kiss, his haunted green eyes watching her carefully for signs of consciousness. Finding none, he reluctantly turned, leaving her to rest

. The sound of the doors could be heard again and she tried so hard to call his name.

"Hey sugar."

The smiling face of Walter appeared from around the corner making her face light up. Holding out her hand to him, Walter closed the distance between them, taking it in his two hands, bent down and gave it a kiss. Nikita laughed, playfully swatting his arm when he pulled up a stool.

"Hey Walter. How are you?"

She asked wincing slightly at the ache she felt in her upper back. The meds were wearing off making her feel more tired then she really was. Walter patted her leg, shaking his head.

" miss those sexy outfits you run around in here. The past few days have been bad for my eyes. Nothing worth slobbering over...til now."

He winked at her.

"You look good in a bed...too bad it wasn’t mine."

He added. Nikita snorted, shaking her head watching him laugh along with her.

"You’re terrible Walter."

She settled back against the pillows, grateful for its extra support. Looking around, she flexed her hand where the IV was inserted.

"Have you seen Michael?"

She asked looking at the older man thru her long bangs. Walter cleared his throat looking a bit confused by her query.

"Well, sure sugar. Those must be great drugs they are giving you though."

Nikita furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

She asked blinking a few times.

"Well. Ever since you arrived, he has been by your side every chance he gets. Operations ordered him out last night after finding out he hadn’t slept in over 48 hours." Nikita felt her mouth drop slightly.

"No way."

"Yeah...is true. Michael refused to leave for the longest time. Only his duties made him leave you for an hour or so at a time. I assumed you knew."

He said feeling like he had let the cat out of the bag. Nikita shook her head, her pain forgotten for the moment.

"No, I have been out cold all this time. Today is my first lucid day."

She half said to herself, her gaze moving to the med lab doors. Walter patted her on the leg.

"Well, Don’t worry… I am sure he will be by to see you."

Nikita looked back at him and shrugged her shoulders. "I would rather he didn’t." She stated flatly giving him a blank look. Walter shook his head, knowing she didn’t mean a word she said.

"Uh oh...it's happening. You’re beginning to pick up that blank stare he is famous for." He grinned getting to his feet.

"I gotta go. Duty calls and Madeline waits for no man." He winked at her happy to see her give him another smile. "Bye Walter."

She lifted her hand to wave as he turned to leave. Nikita closed her eyes, grateful when her shot arrived and was able to get a bit more sleep.

"You used me…. You knew I would crack. How could you do it Michael? How?"

Her eyes brimmed with angry tears. Michael looked around, his training telling him they were in danger. "Can we discuss this when this is over?"

He asked impassively lifting his gun to check it, ignoring the fact she was obviously upset. "Oh, it’s over already. We’re through." She ground out angrily before turning to walk away from him. Suddenly there was smoke and a loud popping noise. Pain ripped thru her back as she began to fall. She heard her own voice call out for him. "Michael.. Michael..."

Nikita shook awake, heart pounding. With shaky hands, she pushed her hair from her eyes, blinking them rapidly in an attempt to clear her blurry vision.

"Are you all right?"

His voice made her jump.

"Michael?"

She gasped trying to sit up straighter in the partially elevated bed. Michael emerged from the shadows his eyes taking in her disoriented features. Seeing she was having difficulty is moving herself up, he leaned forward, putting his arms under hers, lifting her gently until she signaled she was comfortable. The fact she stiffened in his arms didn’t go unnoticed by him and he felt an unfamiliar ripple of guilt pass over him. "How are you?"

He asked, his voice hushed as always. Nikita kept her eyes glued to his, refusing the break first. "Do you really care?"

He flinched inside at the obvious hurt in her voice. He hated himself. Holding the eye contact, he stared down at her for a moment before answering. "Yes."

Nikita let a small sigh out, and cocked her head to the side, ignoring the ache in her back. "Then why deceive me with your pretty words, your heartfelt confession of your feelings? This is not the action of a man who cares for a woman."

Michael came close his hand reached for hers and held it in his, careful not to disturb the IV tube in her delicate skin. Nikita tried to pull her hand from his, looking away, but he held fast. "I didn’t lie." He said quietly, waiting for her to look back up. When she didn’t, he continued. "I was sent in because they knew you wouldn’t reveal the location. It was the only way to save you."

Nikita closed her eyes, her face still hidden by her long hair as it fell forward. "Why didn’t you just tell me this in the first place? Why all the deception?" Her voice was calmer, the sarcasm not so thick now.

Michael rubbed his thumb over the blue vein on her wrist as he spoke. "It had to look real. You know he could read you too well, and so did we. If he doubted either of us, we would both be dead now."

Nikita brought her gaze up slowly, fixing her eyes on their hands. "And this was important to you how?"

"I don’t want to die with you Nikita." He said cupping her chin, bringing her up to look at him. "I want to live with you."