SHAKEY GROUND

By LORRAINE O.

Helmet was charming, an equal to her on so many levels. Even after discovering he was an agent for the British government, it hadn’t made her change her mind about him personally. He was dashing, reckless, full of life and enthusiasm, yet he lacked the qualities she cherished in Michael.

Michael was calm, decisive, controlled, and intensely protective of her to a fault. More over, she knew he loved her beyond all reason. With Helmet, it had been more of a crush, perhaps even a lustful sort of affection. Looking down at the band, she recalled the wedding ceremony, how he had repeated his vows in the warm Caribbean breezes on the beach. How she wanted to run screaming from the scene, straight back into Michaels arms. The only wife she wanted to be was to him, not Helmet Volker.

How are you feeling?

Michael’s voice brought her out of her deep thoughts and she quickly pushed her hands under the blankets in an attempt to hide the band she still wore.

He stood at the foot of her bed, dressed in his classic black as usual, fingers laced loosely in front of him as he stared at her with his deep green eyes.

Sore and tired.

The doctor said you can leave tonight if you feel up to it. He said quietly after breaking the silence between them.

Nikita nodded thankfully. Good, I hate this place.

Would you like a ride home? He asked in an even tone, grateful he was able to hide the emotion in it from her. He knew she still wore his ring and it hurt. Even if it was a mission, it was hard seeing her wear it long after she needed to.

Nikita swallowed, pulling out her right hand from under the covers and smoothing down her hair.

Thank you. Yes, I would like that.

She knew she had no valid reason to refuse his offer and to do so would have hurt him deeply.

Inclining his head slightly, he turned to go so she could get dressed.

Michael,,, wait. Nikita found herself calling out to him impulsively, her hand reached out, waiting for him to come closer.

Michael looked about quickly, and seeing no one was watching, came to her side, placing his hand in hers.

Slowly, her left hand came out from under the sheets, the gold reflecting the harsh lights, making it sparkle.

He looked down at the glinting ring and then back to her.

Pulling her hand from his, she removed the band and held it out to him. Give this to Madeline,,,, tell her I am finished with it.

Michael took the ring, his fingers closing over it, the barest trace of a smile passed over his features and Nikita felt glad for it.

By the time they had reached the apartment building, Nikita was tired, her breathing slightly laboured, and her steps had slowed considerably as they got off the elevator.

Michael put his arm around her waist, taking some of her weight as they made their way down the empty quiet hallway to her door.

Nikita put her arm over his shoulder smiling her thanks. I can’t get over how tired I am. She commented as they approached her door.

Michael took the keys and inserted it into the lock, then pushed it open for her to go in first.

Wearily, she made her way to one of the kitchen stools and collapsed on it, small beads of sweat forming her brow.

Michael shut the door behind them firmly, It’s been a long mission, Kita, and you have been shot. He reminded her setting the keys down on the counter in front of her.

Moving behind her, he helped her out of her jacket taking extra care with her shoulder and arm.

Thank you. She murmured glancing up at him as he took the silk scarf, sliding it from around her neck.

Do you want to rest or have a cup of tea first? He asked hanging up her jacket in the small closet along with his own.

Nikita struggled to get to her feet gasping when an overwhelming wave of light-headedness hit making her knees buckle. Instantly, she found herself wrapped up in his supportive arms, holding her tightly to him. Breathing deeply, she let her head fall onto his chest, trying to control the faintness she was feeling and discovered she had indeed missed him holding her.

Scooping her up off her feet, he carried her up the steps to her room, taking care once again to not jar her arm.

I guess I need the rest more then the tea.

Michael set her down carefully on the edge of the bed, kneeling down to take off her boots.

Nikita looked down at him, bent over her feet as he removed each one with care. Reaching out, she touched his hair making him pause for a moment and raise his head up to look at her. With her fingers still wound up in his long strands of auburn, Nikita leaned forward and brushed her lips over his, giving him a gentle kiss. Pulling back, she moved her hand from his hair to cup one side of his face in her palm.

Michael, I never meant to…

Michael stopped her by placing a hand over her mouth, shaking his head. We can talk later. First you rest. He whispered letting his hand slide slowly from over her mouth when she nodded in agreement.

Michael sat on the chair at the foot of the bed watching her sleep soundly. She was on her back, head turned to the side as she snored softly. She had fallen asleep quickly, her face relaxing making the worry lines on her fore head disappear giving her a even softer look. He wondered if she enjoyed him, having Helmet in her bed, making love to her…

He closed his eyes for a moment, willing the mental image from his mind’s eye. It had been painful in the weeks she had been gone. The night he watched her plane as it lifted up into the night sky, whisking her away from him to marry another was gut wrenching. He had failed her,,, allowing Section to sabotage his attempts at halting the need for the marriage to begin with was hard to deal with. Failure wasn’t the norm for him and it had been hard to accept.

Opening his eyes again, he took in her quiet beauty, the curves that showed under the blanket covering her. Tucking his hair behind his ear, he got to his feet, silently pacing back and forth, his eyes trained on her the whole time like a stalking animal.

He recalled the look on her face when she found him in Helmet and her bedroom, waiting to give her the frequency finder device from Walter. She had given him a look that had spoken volumes in his eyes. She was uncomfortable, backing away from him when he had come close to her. He had wanted to ask her of her feelings for Volker but had remained silent; knowing any answer she could have given him wouldn’t have satisfied him.

He understood her feelings, as she had never done an undercover job quite like this. To marry someone, to pretend to develop feelings and keep it an act was new to her. Even he had had to work at keeping his feelings for Elena under check despite the fact he knew his heart would never belong to anyone except Nikita. He couldn’t fault her for that, but it was hard to accept nevertheless.

Looking down at his watch, he saw it was 7:30 pm already and neither of them had eaten for hours. The rumbling of his stomach and the slight ache behind his eyes were clear signs he needed to start some sort of dinner for them both.

Forcing himself to leave her, he went down to the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards hoping to find something to put together a decent meal. After a few moments, he knew it wasn’t possible. With her being gone for so long, she had made sure she had emptied them completely. Pulling on his jacket, he wrote out a note, ripping it from the notepad and brought it to her bedside, placing it on the pillow beside her. Brushing her hair from her eyes, he gave her a final look and turned to leave for the nearest store.

Nikita stirred, wincing in her half-awakened state at the pain in her arm and shoulder when she moved. Instinctively, her good hand came up to cradle the injured area, gently touching the bandages there. Opening her eyes, she shifted uneasily in her bed, pulling herself to a half sitting position, groaning out loud at the searing pains it produced.

Michael? She called out for him, fighting off the sick feeling she felt in her stomach her movements produced. Looking out into the rest of the apartment, she saw she was alone and wondered why he would leave her without saying goodbye.

The rustle of paper just to her side caught her attention when she knocked her other pillow making her look down. His bold handwriting was scrawled across the paper there and she picked it up, her eyes scanning over the short message.

Went out for some food. Back as soon as I can. Michael

Nikita smiled, releasing the breath she had been holding in and let the paper drop back where she found it as yet another wave of nausea hit her. Licking her lips, she knew she needed water and the pressure in her bladder wasn’t helping her stomach any. Carefully, she let her legs drop over the edge of the bedside, taking deep even breaths. Tucking her hair back with her good hand, she grabbed the back of the chair by the bed and slowly pulled herself to her feet. Biting her lip hard, she gasped as the pain threatened to make her give up and lay back once again.

Come on, get up and stay up… She mumbled to herself as she finally stood, swaying dangerously when the faintness started yet once again. Forcing her feet to move, she managed to get herself into the doorway of the bathroom before having to stop.

Breathing hard as if she had just run 10 miles, she wiped her fore head of the sweat that was rapidly forming and took the last 3 steps to the toilet, collapsing on it’s cold plastic seat.

Resting her head on the sink corner, Nikita took the washcloth from the towel rack beside her and turned the faucet on. Once the cloth was thoroughly wet, she dabbed it on her face and neck, sighing as its coolness helped her to regain her composure. With the water still running, she took the small plastic cup by the faucet, filled it and brought it to her lips, drinking slowly. Water dribbled down her chin but she didn’t care. All that mattered was quenching the intense thirst she felt. After draining the cup, Nikita set it down, struggling once again to stand and pull her pants down enough as to relieve herself.

Several minutes later, she was feeling much better and stepped out of it leaving them on the floor in a puddle of fabric. Standing up, she opened the mirror and pulled out a bottle of painkillers, taking 2 of the small white pills. Turning around, she closed the door enough so she could pull on the long bathrobe hanging on the hook. Once she had covered up, she gritted her teeth, not looking forward to the trek back to her bed.

The sound of the apartment door opening caught her attention and she waited, hoping it was him and not some intruder. The sound of paper bags being set down along with keys assured her it was indeed Michael, making her call out to him.

Within moments, he had come up the stairs, coat still on as were his gloves. Are you all right? He asked coming to her side seeing she was obviously at the end of her rope.

Nikita nodded, accepting his strong arm about her waist as he helped her back to the bed. I would have stayed in bed, but, well.. I needed to relieve myself. She seemed rather embarrassed as he swung her legs up for her, pulling the covers up over her to her waist.

I’m sorry, I should have thought of that before I left you alone.. He apologised straightening up pulling his gloves off, and pushing them into each of his pockets.

Nikita held her arm close to her body, frowning at the pain she was still experiencing, wishing it would stop.

Michael unbuttoned his jacket, letting it slip down his arms, and then placed it on the back of the chair she had used earlier. Sitting down on the bed’s edge beside her, he reached out, his thumb gliding over her eyebrow as he had always done when they were alone together, wishing he could do more for her.

That feels nice. Nikita opened her eyes and looked over to him, feeling his hard thigh pressed up against hers.

Yes,, it does. He agreed softly, his eyes taking in her beautiful features, thankful to have her back in his life again.

Nikita reached over with her good hand, letting her fingers slide up over the skin of his neck and then disappear up into his hair line urging him to come closer to her.

Michael responded by leaning forward to close the distance between them, and covered her mouth with his. It was a long yet light lingering kiss, both of them almost hesitant to push for much more for the moment. Finally, they both eased back, each lost in the others eyes.

I didn’t really love him, Michael. Nikita tried reassuring him enjoying the feel of his fingers stroking her open palm he cradled in his other hand.

Looking down at them, he nodded slightly. I know.

Nikita swallowed wincing as the sharp pains began to very slowly ease finally and was grateful when he urged her to lie back in the pillows after feeling the shiver.

We can talk later. I’m going to go make something to eat. He said pulling the covers up higher over her stomach so she could arrange them the way she wanted.

All right. I am definitely hungry. She sighed settling back into the warmth of the bed grateful the pain was lifting at last.

With one last thumb caress, he left her to rest and went down into the kitchen.

Dozing off and on, Nikita was comforted by the sounds of his cooking in her small kitchen as well as the fact the intense pain had finally lifted enough for her to relax. Following his movements with her china blue eyes, she admired his never-ending skills, the way he moved about with such grace and ease. It struck her odd how such a man who could snap a person’s neck one moment then is so gentle and creative the next.

He felt her eyes on him yet he didn’t look back at her. He knew she was thinking and that she was still uneasy around him despite the kiss they shared earlier. He too felt the same, surprised by the depth of sadness he felt still when he recalled how she had acted towards him. He took for granted he would always have her love no matter what and when that assumption was shattered, he was brought back to the stark reality that it just wasn’t the case.

Picking up the wooden spoon, he stirred the chilli satisfied it was cooked thoroughly and turned the burner off. Wiping his hands on a towel, he turned and made his way towards her.

Nikita watched him come up the steps, loving the sight of his rippling muscles under his tight black pants. It smells wonderful. She commented placing her good arm about his neck as he pulled her up to a sitting position.

Plumping the pillows up behind her, he eased her back gently. Are you comfortable? He asked straightening up tucking his hair behind his ears once again.

Nodding wordlessly, she folded her hands on her lap watching him go back to the kitchen, doling out 2 bowls of the hot food and pouring two large glasses of milk. Setting everything on a tray, he came back and set it on her lap and then took his bowl and milk off, setting them on the small nightstand.

Seating himself on the chair, he balanced the bowl on his knee and began to eat.

Lifting the spoon to her mouth, she blew gently on the steaming concoction and then took a small nibble.

Oh Michael,,, this is incredible. She complimented him taking yet another bite relishing the spicy flavour on her tongue.

Thank you. He said, leaning forward taking a drink of the icy cold milk.

After they had finished eating, he took the dishes down to the sink and left them to soak in soapy water.

Seeing he was about to begin cleaning the rest of the kitchen, Nikita called out to him. Michael,, just leave the dishes,, come sit with me.

Michael set the pot back down and once more, came back to her side, seating himself in the chair.

Taking a breath, she patted the empty space beside her. Can’t you come closer? She asked.

Michael looked down at her hand where she wanted him and back to her face.

We need to talk. He finally responded not moving, yet wanting to be closer to her more then anything in the world.

Nikita looked down at her lap, nodding in agreement. Yes, we do, but can’t you talk to me from here instead of there? She asked motioning beside her and then to where he sat.

No. Michael got to his feet, crossing his arms over his chest and paced back and forth at the foot of her bed.

Cradling her sore arm, she watched him carefully, knowing he had something on his mind.

You let him shoot you. He finally stated calmly making her tense up immediately.

What are you talking about?

Michael turned to face her fully; his arms remained crossed over his chest, waiting for her to respond. You heard me.

Nikita cocked an eyebrow up at his blunt question, her mind racing for a quick reply.

You think I would let myself be shot let alone ask for it? She tried to sound incredulous but knew he saw right through her.

Yes. He answered almost immediately.

Nikita made a disgusted sound wishing she was able to move more easily. She suddenly felt like a child in the white room and she didn’t like it.

An uneasy silence lengthened until Michael finally came to sit by her on the beds edge, taking her hand in his. Looking down at them, he rubbed her skin slowly as he spoke.

When I found you in the hall, bleeding, you begged me not to shoot him as he walked away. I had a clear shot and you stopped me. Why?

Nikita let out a long slow breath, unable to find the right words and looked directly at him until he too raised his head.

It was the right thing to do. She said finally hoping he would leave it at that.

Michael pondered her answer, still keeping her hand within his. Was that the only reason? He asked almost fearing the answer but knew he had to ask.

A sad smile came over her face and she shook her head wordlessly. What other reason could there be Michael?

It was Michael’s turn as a slow faint smile crossed his face too. Only you know for sure. He said finally leaning over and kissing her cheek softly.