Like I said, it all started on aisle 21. We were trying to pick out paper towels.

“Come on guys,” Isaac sighed, looking through the shelves, “What kind does Mom usually buy…? Help me look.”

Zac and I were too busy arguing about something else to care about paper towels though.

“You got an A on your English paper? The holocaust one? Yeah right,” I laughed, “I got a B on it and mine was ten times better than yours. I read yours before you handed it in.”

“Well apparently Mom thought mine was better,” Zac shrugged.

“Show me your grade when we get home,” I challenged him.

“I would but I threw-”

“I knew it!” I gasped, “You probably failed! You aren’t any good at English anyway, Zac.”

“Oh yeah?” Zac narrowed his eyes at me, “At least I didn’t put that 36 divided by 12 was 2 on my last math test.” He smirked- fully taking advantage of the fact that I have terrible computation skills. I think I even saw Isaac grin.

I grabbed the closest roll of toilet paper and wailed it at Zac, only I never meant to hit him…well…there. His hands flew between his legs and he hunched over- moaning in pain.

Whoops.

“Taylor…” Isaac sighed.

“That was hardly a heavy object…” I tried to justify myself, feeling more guilty by the second, “Sorry man…”

Zac glared at me and Isaac grabbed me by the arm before we could fight in the middle of the Albertsons.

“Taylor, pick a brand. What does mom usually like?”

I pointed to Bounty and together we tucked as many paper towels as we could under our arms just as Mom came down the aisle with the loaded grocery cart. When you’re shopping for 9 people, you need to get a lot of stuff.

“What’s wrong Zac?” she immediately said.

“Taylor threw something at me in the worst place he could have…” Zac grumbled, glaring at me.

I looked at me mom and threw my hands up innocently, “He was making fun of me! I was just playing around. It was a complete accident, and Zac knows that”

Mom gave me a warning look but didn’t say anything else to me. “You’ll be alright,” she said to Zac, “Compose yourself and take the cart from me. I’m going to go next door and get some movies for the girls.”

My little sisters had both been sick for three days- throwing up with the flu. They were forced to stay in their bedroom where the germs could stay. Dad had brought a spare television up there for them.

“Isaac,” she removed Dad’s credit card from her wallet and handed it to him, “You can pay for all of this. You know how?”

Isaac nodded.

“Can you get “The Nutty Professor” for us?” Zac pleaded, “We haven’t seen it yet.”

I nodded and tossed the items in the cart, “I really want to see it too Mom. It just came out on tape.”

“What is the rating?” Mom inquired.

Zac shrugged.

“Alright then, no.”

“PG-13, and I’ll be 13 in two years so close enough! And Ike and Tay will watch it with me and cover my eyes if anything is bad…”

Mom shook her head adamantly, “Nope. Choose another movie.”

I sighed and looked at Isaac. We had really wanted to see that too. Isaac shrugged as if to say ‘what are you going to do?’

“Everything other movie sucks…” Zac grumbled.

Mom raised an eyebrow at his choice of words and handed Isaac her keys, “Well then I will get nothing for you. Bring the groceries out to the car and wait for me in the car until I’m finished in the movie store.”

With that, she turned around and was out of site.

“Great, Zac!” I sighed, “Now we don’t get anything. We should just ask Mom to get it and watch it without you…”

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Isaac corrected.

I took the heavy cart and began pushing it towards the front of the store. On the way, I noted the display of chips and tossed a few bags in for good measure.

“Taylor, no way. We don’t have Mom’s permission to buy those on Dad’s card. Put them back.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him away gently. Zac tossed a bag of Doritos into the cart, “Mom won’t care!” he agreed.

“You need to lighten up,” I began to lecture Isaac as we walked to the front of the store to pay, “You’re only 16…no need to act like Dad.”

He didn’t argue as I began to load everything on the conveyer. Ten minutes later, we were finally out of the store with at least a dozen bags in our cart.

It was freezing in the middle of November so I wrapped my arms around my body as I walked along side with my brothers with the cart. Carefully the three of us loaded all of the loaded bags into the trunk of the van.

“Go put the cart away,” Isaac nodded at me. I turned and began to walk towards the cart return area of the parking lot but was startled by the sound of Isaac and Zac giggling. I turned to see them pulling open the door of the van hurriedly. They fumbled as they climbed in.

“Hurry! Slide the door closed and lock it, Ike!” Zac grinned, looking up at me. Suddenly, it made perfect sense what their plan was. I was going to be freezing in the parking lot by myself until Mom returned.

Only I must not have been thinking clearly enough, because before I could stop myself I shoved the cart away from me and ran after the van, jumping into it just before they could close the door.

“You guys are fucking idiots!” I screamed, kicking at Zac. I was annoyed in general. Not only did the little shit keep me from watching the newest New Release, but he then had the nerve to go and lock me out. And since when did Isaac team up with Zac AGAINST me? Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

“Cut it out Taylor!” Zac yelled and began to do the fake crying he always does. His voice quivered and he fought me off with his knees.

“KNOCK IT OFF!” Isaac finally interrupted and we both stopped to see him staring outside of the van. It hit before I even had to see it. Oh shit. The cart.

I scrambled over to Isaac and looked out with him to see the cart crashed into a black Mercedes across the way.

“You are really, really stupid,” Isaac shook his head.

“I’m stupid!?” I was furious! This was HIS fault! “You’re the one who…” I swear I was going to punch him, so to stop myself I got out of the van.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at the damage!” I called back angrily, walking over to the collision. I carefully pulled the cart away from the car and inspected the marks it left. The paint was chipping and there was a dent larger than I had imagined there could be.

“Great…really fucking great…” I groaned, briefly closing my eyes. I was not in the mood for trouble. I just wanted to go home, have a normal dinner, surf the internet for a bit, and go to bed. That was all I wanted to do.

Isaac came up behind me and looked at it too. He licked his finger and tried to smudge it out but I smacked him, “Like that’s going to do anything!”

He looked at me hurt at first, but then I noticed the hurt was actually more like anger. “If you hadn’t let go of the stupid cart…”

“If you hadn’t tried to lock me out!”

“You told me to live a little! I was living!”

“I didn’t mean be a stupid dick to me! That is not what I meant by live a little!”

We stood there breathlessly glaring at each other. Neither of us were blameless and neither of us completely guilty, and we knew it.

I turned and glared at Zac who was standing by the van watching us, “You know what? This is your fault.”

He looked shocked, “What!?”

“If you weren’t 11 years old and left us alone a little bit, Mom would get the movie we wanted and…”

“Taylor, that was nothing to do with this and you know it…” Isaac said quietly.

But I was determined to place the blame on Zac. I couldn’t bring myself to blame Isaac, and I certainly was not going to be the one responsible for this mess. Yep, Zac was the culprit. I was convinced.

“It has everything to do with this!” I exclaimed and then turning towards Zac again, I added, “I’m just so goddamn sick of you.”

I knew the words stung. Even standing at least 10 feet away from him I could see him flinch. I didn’t want to look at him any longer though. I didn’t want to feel guilty.

Instead, I carefully moved the cart away from the bruised Mercedes.

“What are you doing?” Isaac questioned.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” I snapped, walking the cart over to the cart return. “I’m returning the cart, lets get in the car, and pretend this never happened.”

“Woa…” Isaac shook his head, “No way. We’re not doing that. We’ve just screwed up this mans new looking expensive car…absolutely not…”

“What would you rather?” I turned to him and looked him right in the eye, “Would you rather tell Mom that you tried to lock me out in the cold and then busted this persons Mercedes? Would you honestly rather do that?”

He stared at me, assessing the situation.

“Taylor…it’s just not right to hit the car and just…leave.”

I shook my head and huffed back over to the van. I pushed by Zac and climbed in, taking a seat in the back by myself. I felt too guilty looking at the Mercedes so I just sat there and stared at my hands. Isaac and Zac climbed in a second later.

“Ike and I think we should tell Mom so she can talk to the owner…” Zac said carefully and then sat down next to me.

“Don’t….sit…next to me,” I said through gritted teeth. He looked at me for a moment and then climbed into the last row.

Isaac sat down next to me, “Okay, Taylor?”

I shook my head, “No! Because who is going to get in trouble? Who’s the one who has been on Mom’s bad side since this morning?”

“It is not our faults…or the owner of that cars fault…that you have been fresh to Mom all morning,” Isaac explained.

“Have a little sympathy!” I gasped. I couldn’t believe this. Of course they didn’t care telling mom! All they did was try to close the door on me. I was the one who was making trouble in the grocery store, I was the one who let the cart go, and worst of all, I was the one who’d been on “thin ice” with my mom all day. She’d told me multiple times. I closed my eyes and sighed, “Please…dude…please don’t tell. I’m sure that man is rich enough to get the little dent fixed…please…can we just keep this our secret?”

We all noticed Mom coming out of the Blockbuster with a bag of videos. I gave Isaac desperate eyes.

He sighed and finally said, “You are the reason for my guilty conscious…I hope you know…”

He turned around and gave Zac a look that seemed to imply they would keep quiet about it.

“Thank you!” I gasped, exhaling deeply in relief. I swallowed as Mom got into the drivers seat.

“No one is going to sit in the front?” Mom frowned as she put the videos onto the passengers seat. “Usually there’s an argument about who gets shot gun…and now no one is even going to take it….”

She gave us a strange _expression and winked, completely clueless to the fact that we were keeping a big secret. She noticed my guilty expression though. Isaac and Zac are completely capable of looking calm when they know they just did something wrong. Me though…my cheeks were pink and my eyes were frantic. She noticed as soon as she locked eyes with me.

Fortunately, she only turned around and started up the car. As she began to pull out she asked, “Why does Taylor look so guilty? What did I miss?”

None of us replied.

“Hmmm?” she added, “I really hope you three weren’t adding junk food to the groceries.”

If only she knew all of it...

Then, to our amazement, Zac spoke up, “Mom, Taylor dented a car.”

I whipped around in shock and glared at him. Where the hell did that come from!? I remembered my comment about being “so sick of him” and suddenly realized he was out to make me pay for it.

Mom slowly came to a stop in the middle of the parking lot and turned around to look at me. I swallowed.

“What?” Was all she said.

I fumbled with the zipper on my jacket and kept my eyes down.

“Look at me!”

I looked up immediately. “Sort of…”

She turned again though and pulled into a parking spot. Then she turned around again. “You better have a good explanation for this…”

“It wasn’t all me!” I choked out in fear, “Ike and Zac were involved too! I was just the one that actually…did it…”

“You better have a better explanation than that…” She continued.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t’ seem to bring myself to explain. It was too incriminating.

Isaac jumped in…fortunately…or unfortunately, “Here’s what happened…”

“I want the whole story…” Mom reminded him.

“While we were in Albertsons Taylor put a bunch of chips into the cart…”

Did he have to include that part?!

“And Taylor told me that I don’t live enough. And since Zac was mad at Taylor…Zac was mad because Taylor yelled at him for being too young for the movie and for throwing toilet paper at him earlier…so the two of us decided to lock Taylor out of the car in the cold….me because I was just trying to have fun….and I guess Zac because he was annoyed…”

Mom’s eyes narrowed.

“…and so when we got outside…you see, it was just supposed to be funny. We weren’t even going to keep him outside for long…we asked him to return the cart and…and when he began to we tried to lock him out. Well Taylor shoved the cart away and jumped in the van and started beating Zac for it…”

This just got worse and worse…

“…and I just watched the cart slam into a Mercedes. So we went out to see what happened, and there was a tiny little dent on it. We didn’t know what to do…and so…” He paused. Please don’t turn me in as the liar, please don’t turn me in…I cried in my mind.

“And Ike and I wanted to tell you!” Zac chimed in, “We said we were going to tell you so you could talk to the man! But Taylor yelled at us and begged us not to tell you! Taylor moved the cart away and got into the car as if nothing had happened! And he was mean, Mom! Taylor was cussing and using the Lord’s name in vain and saying terrible things to me!”

And fuck you too, Zac!

As I’d figured, Mom turned to me with raging eyes. Fear crept its way into my throat. I could hardly speak. I could hardly breathe. I was completely and horribly in a ton of trouble. We must have sat there in a horrible silence for almost a minute before Mom spoke again.

“Isaac, I want you to go inside, see if you can get the store to page the owner of the car by giving them the license plate number, and then explain to him what happened. Show him the damage, give him our name, address, and phone number, and tell him how very sorry you are.”

“Mom…can’t you….” He began to ask.

“Do you understand?” She snapped.

Isaac nodded and took a pen and paper that she was handing to him from her purse.

“Be respectful,” she reminded him as he began to slide open the door. “Listen to me…this is your mess to clean up. Not mine. You are the oldest, you should have been responsible for not letting it happen in the first place, and you should have owned up to it right away and fixed the situation.”

Isaac nodded glumly, “Yes ma’am.” Zac and I watched as he closed the door and walked off.

Then Mom turned to Zac, “I want you to take this video inside, apologize to the store, explain to the man why I’m making you bring it back, and see if you can get the money returned since we no longer want this DVD.”

Zac watched as she handed him the “The Nutty Professor”. I watched his heart sink. She had gotten it for us after all…

Zac knew that there was no way she would change her mind, so he just sighed and took the movie and receipt from her.

“Careful crossing through the parking lot…make sure no one is backing out into you as you walk,” she cautioned him and he nodded. “If you can’t get the money back, leave the video anyway.”

It’s funny how as much as I hated Zac at that moment, I hated to see him leave the car even more. Panic hit me as soon as the door closed. There was a reason I was still here and they weren’t.

“Mom, I’m so sorry!” I began, “I am so sorry….this is just…this just turned into once huge unintended…Mom…I am really…”

But she was already unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing in back.

“Mom!” Tears began to fill my eyes. I knew exactly what was about to happen, “I’ll make this up to you! And Ike and Zac! And…”

She sat down next to me and nodded in my direction, “Let’s go. Take your pants down.”

I looked around frantically to see how many people could see into the car. Spankings were always fairly private! This was not normal! This was not okay! I was not at all okay with this! The tears fell down my face now as I looked into my Mom’s angry eyes.

Knowing I had no other alternative, I shook my head in shame and disgracefully undid my pants. I slid them down to my ankles and prayed this spanking would not be as bad as my last. I hadn’t been spanked since September, but when I was spanked then it was one of the worst spankings of my life.

“Over my knees,” Mom instructed. I carefully laid my all five feet and three inches of my body across her lap and squeezed my eyes closed. I winced as she yanked my boxers down harshly.

Before I knew it, Mom was slapping my backside over and over again as hard as she could. I began wailing immediately. I don’t know if I was more upset about what I’d done or that I was getting spanked. I just laid there in misery as she spanked me at full force. Each time her hand heated my bottom I felt more and more miserable. After at least 30 miserable spanks and a few minutes of my sobbing, Mom finally stopped and pulled me up by my shirt.

I yelped and began to pull the back of my boxers up, but she grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

“You are not done! You are not done yet, mister!” She took her hands and put them on my shoulders as I kneeled on the seat next to her crying like a baby. She shook me harshly as she lectured me, “That was for your attitude! That was for being fresh all day, having vile language, and being terrible to Zac! I don’t know what you said yet, but don’t doubt that he will tell me.”

It completely caught me off guard when she reached around me and began to spank me again while I was kneeling there next to her. I instinctively laid back down over her lap and moaned as she spanked me five more times.

“Moooom….Momma….I understand….I understand…” I cried.

“That is for hitting the car!” She spanked me another five times which felt even harder, although I’m not sure if they were. The stung even more, that’s for sure, “That is for convincing everyone to not tell me about the incident!” My mind began to go blank as she slammed her hand down onto my beating bottom another ten times, “And that is for being absolutely deceitful!”

I felt so sick out of pain and guilt that I was convinced I would gag on my tears any section. She pulled me up by my shoulders again and glared at me. I don’t think I had ever seen my mother so angry with me in my life.

I was shocked as I watched her draw her hand back and slap me across the face. “And that is for using the Lord’s name in vain.”

I watched in horror as she got up and got out of the van. As soon as she closed the door, I collapsed against the seat, my bottom still bare, and cried into the cushion. I gently held my hand to my cheek and sobbed as I thought about everything she had accused me of. She had been right about every single claim. I had been so out of line.

I heard the door being slid open and looked up to see Zac. His head was hung and he climbed into the van trying not to look at me. Suddenly, I wasn’t mad at him anymore. I had been so mean to him…and here he was trying to give me privacy to compose myself. He sat in the back seat and stared out the window at some cars instead of looking at me curiously.

Humiliated, I pulled my boxers and pants on completely and carefully did the button up. I moaned in pain as I shifted so I was sitting in the seat. I shifted and tried to find any comfortable position to sit, but my entire backside was on fire. I sighed and wiped the tears from my eyes trying to calm myself down. Breathe…I told my myself…in…out…in…out… I watched out the window with Zac, only I didn’t see Mom, Isaac, and an older man talking next to the Mercedes. All I could see were flashbacks of the day.

I thought about how mean I had been to Zac, and how fresh I had been to my mother since the moment I woke up. And still, after everything, she had picked up the movie she knew we were dying to see. I tried to figure out what I was thinking when I convinced Ike and Zac not to tell the man. I pictured what his face would have looked like when he discovered the dent in the car on his own later…how devastated he would have been. I was not raised that way…I was not raised to be deceitful and lying….and it killed me that I had been.

I recounted the moment my mother looked into my eyes and slapped my face. I never should have sworn like I had at God! I was the one responsible for all the trouble and I had had the nerve to use His name in vain…almost as if I was angry with him for my dilemma. I was just as ashamed of myself as my mother was.

Isaac and Mom climbed into the car a few minutes later. Isaac was quiet and climbed in the back with Zac so I could have my privacy. Mom didn’t say anything as she started the car and began to drive us all home.

I wondered if I was the only one who would get spanked. I began to try and add up everything Isaac and Zac had done. Zac had played the trick on me and….and…well…and Isaac! Isaac had…I sighed. I knew I was the only one really at fault. Isaac and Zac had just been kidding around, but my bad attitude was real.

Mom answered my questions though before I could think much longer.

“Zachary, you know I don’t like you messing around in parking lots. That was mean spirited of you to do to Taylor. I don’t care how annoyed or angry you get with each others. Joking around is one thing…mean-spirited pranks are another…” she scolded, “When we get home I want you helping me with dinner. You can do the dishes and clean up all on your own for your contribution to this.”

I knew he was hardly in trouble because he had told the truth.

“Isaac…” she began. I hated the fact that yet again I would be saved for last. “I really trusted you to get the groceries in the car and do everything I asked without causing trouble. You’re 16 years old now! You need to learn to be more responsible! I don’t ever want to hear that you’re letting anyone talk you into getting yourself in trouble, or that you’re letting ANYONG to convince you to lie to me. It disgusts me that you’re not more honest than that. The fact that you even let it happen…and the fact that you didn’t tell me about it as soon as I got out here infuriates me. You made some really poor decisions. For the next week you will not go out, you will not watch television, your computer will be off, and your friends will not hear from you. I don’t care if you have plans this weekend…you can use the phone briefly to cancel them.”

Isaac sighed. Oh the mess I had caused for everyone…

“Do you understand?” She looked into the rear view mirror briefly at Isaac, “Do you understand why I’m so angry with you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because…you relied on me…and I let you down. And I wasn’t up front with you about everything….” He sighed yet again, “I’m really sorry Mom. I really am.”

She nodded, “I can tell…”

I swallowed knowing my punishment came next.

“Taylor…you have disobeyed on so many ways. I said them before and I’ll say them again.” I noticed her hands tightened on the steering wheel, “I did not raise a son with a bad attitude, a dirty mouth, a lack of respect for God, a lack of respectful for HONESTY….I did not raise a son who deliberately does the wrong thing! I’m not even very angry about the cart! I know you didn’t MEAN to do that. You did mean to lie to me though, you did mean to make your brothers lie to me, and you did mean to display an attitude all day long. It’s your deliberate lack of disrespect for the rules your father and I have worked to establish that makes me sick.”

It made me even more sick….

“What do you think of what I just told you?”

“I….” I began, trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words, “I feel really…really…I feel really sick with myself too, Mom…”

“Do you think you need another spanking? Because I can’t decide if your father needs to spank you too when we get home.”

Oh no! Absolutely not! Please no!

“I…I might…” I tried to figure out what I could say that would save my butt (literally) and yet not make me feel guilty. The truth was I probably did need another spanking! I probably deserved ten more….”I probably do, Mom…I mean. I plan on behaving now…but I probably deserve a lot more punishment…I really don’t want it though…”

I tried to tell her exactly what I was thinking.

“I know you probably should punish me more…and I know Dad should probably really give it to me tonight with the brush or something but….I just…I already feel so remorseful. I already realize how terrible I was being today….all week in fact! I realize how wrong I was and I just…I don’t even know what came over me. You know I’m not usually like this…”

I began to cry. I was just so sorry! I meant every word of it. I wanted her to believe how badly I meant it.

“I’m so sorry, Momma…I mean it. If you want to punish me more…” I swallowed, “Well I don’t want it, but I’ll take it…”

I saw Mom nod gently in the front seat, “You’re grounded for a week and I’ll give you a list of chores in the morning that I want completed by the end of the week…I need help organizing the attic and I need all the cars cleaned…inside and out…”

I nodded thankfully.

“I’m sure your dad has some chores he could give you too…” She continued, “I’m going to tell Dad about this, and I’m going to tell him everyone understands their punishments. Understood?”

I sighed graciously. That meant no more spankings. We all nodded.

“But I never want this behavior again…” she added, “Understood Taylor?”

“Yes ma’am,” I nodded. And somehow, I felt good. I wiped the tears from my sticky face and rested my cheek against the window. Somehow, it felt justified.