Occasionally my parents seemed bored of the usual route, and once and a while they’d go the long way around the blocks and turn onto our street from the other side. But even then it was still long, straight, hilly roads that lead to our house. There is little to look at. There were the neighbors houses, which always looked the same each and every time. Occasionally there were some kids riding bikes on my street or a car broken down on the side of 71st, but usually all there was to see was grass, trees, and horizon. Usually the familiar drive was comforting. I knew at the end of the drive, I’d arrive home to warm meals and my comforting bed.

But as I sat there behind my father, trying to keep my mind off of how much trouble I was in there, the road was anything but comforting. There was absolutely nothing to distract me from the punishment I was going to get as soon as we walked through the front door. And as we neared closer and closer to 78th street, I realized I was closer and closer to the spanking I was sure would be nothing less than severe. There was nothing comforting about it.

My father sat in silence in front of me, listening quietly to the soft radio station playing. The volume was turned down just low enough so I could hear my heart bumping as we listened to a commercial about Tulsa public education. I tried to listen to the cheesy narration by a local school teacher- tried to picture how she looked, where she worked, where she lived. But it did no good. All I could seem to focus on was how much trouble I was in.

My older brother, Isaac, sat in the front seat next to my father. He was just as quiet, knowing for sure if he talked he might end up in trouble as well even though he didn’t do anything wrong. That was just how angry my father was. He did a good job of pretending he was okay. He drove slowly, probably because he knew how painful the anticipation of the ride was for me, and he tapped his fingers along the steering wheel when the commercials finally disappeared and “Forever Young” played through the speakers.

I watched as we pulled onto my street. The trees were bare from the harsh January weather but the sun was particularly strong so my father had the window down, letting the warm wind blow into the car. Think about the weather, I coached myself. Isn’t today warm for January? The weather is amazing. The sunset is amazing, I thought, trying my best to focus on the clouds that looked like they were brushed in watercolor gold and pink.

It did no good. I could only think about what would be waiting for me when I returned home. My father had made it very clear when he picked me up at the mall that I could count on a spanking.

Here is what happened. My mother had dropped me off at the mall in the afternoon to spend time with friends. She hadn’t wanted to because it was January 1998, right during the peak of our fame. But somehow I had convinced her to let me wear a baseball cap and join my five friends who were going to the Woodland Hills Mall to hang out for the afternoon. It was a Friday, and we were all out of school around three and itching to spend time together. They were friends I didn’t see often, but I was always trying to get closer with them because they seemed very cool to me. Somehow we’d all managed to convince our parents to drop us off at the mall for the evening. My mother had given me ten dollars to spend at the food court, and we sat around there eating pizza and ice-cream for awhile but it was only so long until we got bored.

To my amazement, we weren’t really spotted by fans. There were a few more casual fans who just liked the idea of seeing a celebrity. They pointed and giggled, but other than that there were no problems. I had learned techniques in the previous year for how to stay unnoticed. Stand in the center of large groups, don’t look suspicious, if you’re spotted politely wave and try not to make a scene.

The truth was I think my friends were a bit disappointed when there was no mob chasing us from Journeys to Pennies. My friends had been with me a few times before when the girls had spotted me and a wild race had ensued, and I think my friends had rather enjoyed the excitement of it all, although none of them really admitted they sort of got a thrill from it.

We were aimlessly wandering around the department store- Dillards- looking through a display of watches when one of the girls took one out of the plastic container and nonchalantly slipped it onto her wrist. I watched with interest as she pulled her sleeve down over it. Her friend giggled and did the same.

I looked to my guy friends. My jaw dropped at what I was watching. My mother had always told me she didn’t necessarily approve of these particular friends, but I had convinced her that I could use my friendship with them as an outlet for bringing Christ into their sinful lives. She’d squeezed my shoulder when I’d explained that to her and said, “I’m proud of you, Taylor.”

“Are they…?” I asked slowly.

“Shhh…” one of my guy friends- Keith- whispered. He’d been center forward with me on my soccer team the year prior- when I still had time for soccer. “We always take stuff from Wal-Mart and Dillards, and we always get away with it.”

I looked down at the display of watches, shocked by it all. I had known these friends, who I’d met a few years before in my soccer league, cussed and talked back to adults. Usually their disobedience thrilled me, as it was so different from what I had grown up with. But this was just too much. I saw stealing as so wrong.

“Take something,” Keith badgered me.

“No way,” I shook my head. “My parents would kill me.”

One of the girls- Sarah- laughed. “Do you know how much I take Taylor? And I never get caught by anyone. Your parents aren’t here, are they?”

Keith laughed and touched her shirt, “Her entire outfit? Stolen.”

Sarah chuckled and held up a silver Nike watch to me. “This is nice, Taylor.”

I glanced at it, nodding in approval. It was, I agreed. But not nice enough to steal. Nothing was nice enough to steal. It wasn’t right, and it was forbidden in my house although my parents never actually addressedthe issue. I don’t think they felt they needed to.

“Take it…” Keith and my buddies jeered.

“Nah…” I said, trying to stay cool despite how wimpy I felt. I was too afraid to steal it, was the truth.

Keith raised an eyebrow and took it out of the package, running his fingers over it. “Is it cause you’re too rich now? You’re too good for stealing?”

“No!” I shouted, shaking my head adamantly. That wasn’t the case at all, actually. Despite the fact that I had spent the previous year making millions of dollars, I rarely saw a sent. It was all in accounts my brothers and I couldn’t touch until we were older.

They all looked at me with challenging faces. I began to know for the first time how suffocating peer pressure could be. They hardly had to say anything, and I felt myself being completely swayed into taking the watch without paying for it.

Keith shrugged. “I guess you don’t need to steal. Or don’t have… the nerve.”

Was he saying I wasn’t nervy?! I had jumped off of cliffs in Japan, performed before an audience of over 50,000 people at once, and joked around with Jay Leno on national television in the previous year. I had nerve. I had a hell of a lot more nerve than Keith or any of them.

I took the watch from him and nervously looked around me.

“Don’t look suspicious,” Sarah laughed. “Slip it on and continue looking at all the others without making a big deal.” She was clearly enjoying teaching me the art of stealing.

We stood there looking at watches for a moment before we decided to exit quietly. As we stepped out of the store without a sound going off or any suspicious looks, I couldn’t help but notice the rush of thrill and defiance that ran through me. I was doing something my parents definitely wouldn’t approve of, and they were never going to know. It felt good. It felt amazing.

We moved onto the next store- Walgreens on the other end of the mall. I was feeling pretty good. I was feeling like the rebel without a cause. I was bad for no reason other than the fact that I felt good to be bad. I was reckless too. The girls were giggling at my defiant streak and the guys were patting me on the back approvingly. I had never known stealing could feel so satisfying. There was a bit of guilt looming over me like a dark cloud, I admit, but I did my best to push it out of sight.

When we stepped out of the Walgreens and began looking for our next store to wander into, we saw a pair of mall security guards walking towards us. The truth is I had seen them before. They had helped me escape screaming crowds in the past. As soon as I saw them, my stomach dropped. They were not here to help me anymore.

My whole body started shaking and my heart started racing as they grew closer to us. At first I was convinced they were coming after us for the watches, but I tried to make my myself believe otherwise. Perhaps my friends had stole something else in Walgreens I hadn’t known about and they knew nothing about the watches from Dillards? That was twenty minutes earlier! Maybe I wasn’t about to be caught after all, I tried to convince myself.

MY friends started walking quickly in the opposite direction of the security guards as soon as they saw them, so I followed and speed walked with them. Soon their walking broke out into jogging, so I picked up my pace to keep up. My heart was pounding and I was sure it would pound right out of my chest. I could hear the running of the guards behind us.

“All of you need to stop right there!” one of them yelled at us.

I noticed my friends slowed down in fear, but they kept walking away, pretending not to hear. I, on the other hand, was too nervous. I had never done anything so bad so I immediately halted and called out to my friends.

“Guys, stop! Just stop and let’s talk to them!” I begged. I didn’t want to be left alone to deal with the security, but I also wasn’t willing to keep running from authority like that. I had run away from my mother in the past and had been punished harshly for it. Running from other adults was a whole other ball game- and a ball game I wasn’t willing to play.

One of the guards took me by the arm and pointed to a bench in the center of the mall. ”Sit there!” He demanded, and I sat immediately. They took off and grabbed all of my friends who had listened to my pleas and pretty much given up. We were busted, and we knew it. There was nowhere to run, and running would only get us into more trouble. Even they knew that.

The guards led them over to me and I was told to follow them. The six of us walked in silence, utterly scared as possibilities of the repercussions ran through our minds. I think they were probably more nervous about legal issues, where I was terrified of what my parents would say. Maybe they wouldn’t call my parents… I thought, but I knew I was fooling myself. I was a dead man walking.

We all walked into an office of the mall that I had been in before. One time my mother had taken Zac and I shopping for new jeans when we were spotted and a large mob had formed around us. We were lead into the office to escape the girls for awhile.

I wiped my nervous, sweaty hands on my pants and tried to steady my breathing. I would not cry. I would not cry, I promised myself. Not in front of my friends at least.

“The group of you were seen on the Dillard’s cameras stealing,” one of the guards said angrily when the door behind us closed. “The manager claims that you took watches. How many of you were involved?”

The worst part was that my friends had convinced me to take the watch, and yet most of them hadn’t. Only the girls and I were the actual culprits I knew. How had I managed to let my friends’ ideals get me into so much trouble?

“Does anyone want to confess and make this easier?”

Easier? My eyes widened eagerly. Of course I wanted to make it easier. If there was one thing I knew from having strict parents it was once you were caught, deal with it like the a man, tell the truth, and it would all be less severe.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, quickly unlatching the Nike watch from my wrist and holding it out with a shaky hand to one of the guards. “I got really stupid. I never steal. I’ve never stolen before. I didn’t mean to.”

The guard took the watch and set it down on a desk behind him.

“Anyone else?” he said, rocking in his boots and eying the girls.

My three male friends held out their bare wrists to prove they were blameless. The girls sighed and took the watches off too. I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for their trouble. They had claimed they had never gotten caught, and for some reason now that I was involved they were. I blamed myself for all of our trouble.

The guards took the watches and added them next to mine to make a pile on their desk.

“Were you three boys involved?” one of the guards demanded at my three male friends. They shook their heads furiously, which was mostly true. I was hoping they’d come forth and admit they’d convinced me to do it! It was them who egged me on, I wanted to gasp. But I was the one who had done it. I knew in the eyes of the police, and my parents, and perhaps God who was probably frowning down on me, I was the one with blood on my hands. I had done more than just talked about the wrong. I had actually carried it out.

“We were just with them,” Keith said, his voice nervous and shaking as well. “I swear we didn’t take anything. We just ran from you out of fear.”

The guards looked back and forth to each other, and then one of them spoke to my friends. “I want the three of you to come with me into another room, we’ll empty pockets, and then you can go.”

They looked at us sadly before they followed the guard away from us. I knew just as I felt guilty for the trouble the girls were in, they felt guilty for the trouble I was in. I didn’t expect them to lessen my wrong by confessing to the guards they had pressured me into doing it, but in the back of my mind I hoped just maybe they would.

“Girls, sit down,” the remaining guard said to Sarah and Kelly. They obediently sat down, both quiet with hanging heads. It was odd to see them so confident just minutes before, and suddenly so nervous and unraveled.

“You’re Taylor Hanson, yes?” The guard said to me.

“Yes…”

“I’ve met you before, is that right? I think you were in here with your mother a few months ago. I know what kind of career you have, don’t worry. I’m not going to make this overly messy for you. I’m just going to call your parents and we’ll work this out with them.”

I suppose I should have been relieved there would be no headline that read, “MMMCaught!” but I wasn’t. All I could think about was how my parents would take it. They were going to murder me. I had done a lot of stupid things in my life, and especially lately I had found myself in quite a bit of trouble.

“What number can I reach your parents at?”

My mouth felt dry. I had no clue how I managed to give him my home phone number, but I did.

“Hello, is Mrs. Hanson there?” He said as he cleared his throat into the receiver. I wondered which sibling had picked up. “Tell her not to worry, but it’s the security at the mall. I need to speak with her about a… problem with Taylor.”

Oh great. Now my siblings were going to be running around the house chattering about how I had managed to get myself into trouble not only at home lately, but at the mall too. I hoped they would just assume there was a fan situation.

The security guard gave me a tight smile while he waited for my mother to come to the phone, and I felt for a moment that I was being let off easier because of who I was. I have to admit, the notion sort of felt nice. “Mrs. Hanson, hi. This is the Woodland Hills security calling to let you know of a situation with Taylor,” he said and then glanced at me before continuing. If only he knew how much trouble I was in. I wasn’t just going to get off with a scolding and a slap on the wrist. “I found him and some friends stealing from Dillards, Taylor admits it, and I was hoping someone could come down and talk to him and take him home.”

I squeezed my eyes closed, fearful of what she might say. I couldn’t hear her, but I could tell well enough by the guard’s responses and expressions.

“No, we won’t be pressing charges ma’am.”

He tapped his pencil on his desk casually.

“Yes, yes that’s fine. As long as someone comes and picks him up,” he said, which led me to believe my mother was sending someone else to pick me up. Please send Isaac, please send Isaac, please send Isaac.

“I’ll let him know, ma’am.”

Shit… didn’t Isaac leave immediately after he finished school work with my father to go over to Broken Arrow to try and find a new couch for the living room? Surely he wouldn’t be back home yet to take his own car to get me…

The guard hung up and nodded solemnly at me. “Your mom told me to tell you your dad will come by and pick you up, and…” he paused, trying to collect himself. I noticed his eyes drifted from me to the ground as he added, “… she suggests you tell the entire truth and behave yourself unless you want an even worse spanking than you’re already going to get. She told me to tell you to… use your head.”

My eyes darted over at Sarah and Kelly who nervously sat across from me in the stiff chairs. Perhaps they hadn’t heard? I wondered. It was evident by their shocked expressions and imploring eyes that they had certainly heard him- loud and clear.

“Okay…” I said with a quaky voice.

As he drilled Sarah and Kelly, and called their parents to pick them up as well, I wondered how I had gotten myself into the predicament. Was I really that insecure that a little bit of badgering could cause me to do something I knew was not only illegal, but so wrong on so many levels. I considered whether or not I was really that unsure of myself that I let people sway me that easily. Why had I done it?

“Your mom is going to spank you?” Kelly whispered over at me when all the parents were called and the guard left the room for a moment.

I groaned. I did not want to have that conversation. Not there, not then, at least. Wasn’t the situation bad enough? Why couldn’t they have just pretended like they’d never heard that reference, like people often did when my parents mentioned spanking in front of them.

“Actually…” I sighed, “My dad probably will. Which is so much worse….”

“Your parents actually still spank you?”

I wished she would be more careful with the word. Each and every time she uttered the horrible s-p-a-n-k word it not only reminded me exactly how screwed I was, but how pathetic I was getting myself into such trouble to warrant a spanking at age 14- almost 15!

“Yes,” I mumbled quietly. “They still spank all of us. We don’t like it, but they don’t care. It’s not something… we generally… like to discuss so…”

“Oh, I’m not going to tell anyone,” Kelly assured me. “I’m just really… surprised. Isn’t it horrible?”

I swallowed and rubbed my increasingly sweaty hands on my thighs. “Why do you think I’m so nervous?”

She looked sadly at me but the guard came back out so we all decided silently that we’d be quiet again as a sign of respect. About fifteen minutes later, Sarah’s mother arrived.

She walked in and sadly shook her head at Sarah.

“I cannot believe this Sarah… I really can’t. I am so disappointed,” her mother said calmly. “I guess you won’t be back at the mall anytime soon, that’s for sure. Did you say you’re sorry to the guard?”

She was firm, but not very intimidating and Sarah looked nothing but a little ruffled as she apologized quickly to the guard.

“I’m so sorry,” Sarah’s mother said to him. “I don’t know why she did this, but I’m sorry that she did. Thank you for calling me instead of pressing charges.”

He ducked his head to accept the apology. “That was at the request of Dillards. I’ll tell you though, if it ever happens again there will be legal trouble, I can assure you of that.”

As soon as Sarah and her mom were out the door, the door was pushed open again. I was praying it would be Kelly’s parents. The last thing I wanted was a scene with my father, but when I saw Isaac step in trailed by my father, I knew a scene was very likely.

My father walked immediately over to the guard and shook his hand forcefully. “Thank you so much for calling us sir. We really appreciate you keeping this under the radar. I’m very sorry for all your trouble. I know Taylor is too.”

The cop further explained the situation with the watch and my father just stood there shaking his head sadly. Then he turned to me and put his hands on his hips, which felt all the more intimidating. He saw me duck nervously as I studied his shoes.

“What happened to my son?” he said loudly, which caused all of us in the small office to flinch. “Where did the Taylor go that knew right from wrong and respected rules? You tell me what happened to my law-abiding, God-fearing, well-trained son! Since when did it become okay for you to disregard everything you’ve been taught! When did it become okay to break the law, Jordan Taylor!?”

I didn’t think the lecture could get any worse. I noticed my three male friends leaving the attached room and walking over to all of us. They stared at my screaming father like everyone else was. It definitely was a spectacle. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I was too horrified.

“Have we been too lenient lately that somehow you think you can not only break rules at home, but break the law in public!?” He was actually screaming. I noticed Isaac even stepped away in fear. “If we haven’t been spanking you hard enough, then tell me and I’ll see what I can arrange! Because your behavior today proves to me that every single lesson we’ve taught you, and that each punishment you receive, is doing nothing for your character! What is the problem here, Taylor? I want to know.”

“I don’t know!” I squeaked. I didn’t have a reason! If I knew I would know how to keep myself out of trouble! And yet I didn’t. “I’ve just been making stupid decisions…” I muttered.

“That’s for sure!”

Keith stepped forward hesitantly towards my father and cleared his throat quietly before working up the nerve to say, “Mr. Hanson… this is mostly my fault. I didn’t steal anything, but I was giving Taylor a hard time about being scared and… he didn’t want to do it at first. If you want to be mad at someone, you probably should yell at me…”

I thought his intentions were good. He was trying to protect me, and I appreciated it. But I knew it would do nothing for my fate or my bottom for that matter.

“Young man,” my father spoke evenly towards him. “Taylor is here because of decisions he made. He could have stopped this. I have to question how you treat your friends, and why you thought it was appropriate to pressure him, and I disapprove of how you contributed to this. But Taylor is here because of his own mistakes. It is 100 percent his fault that he is in trouble. Not yours.”

Keith now looked at the floor like me and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Tay…”

I nodded back. “It’s okay.”

My father turned his attention back to me and clenched his jaw. “I want an apology from you right now to the security guard here. The security here has been so helpful to us in the past, and this is how you repay them? By causing trouble? Do you realize the severity of what you did here? You disrespected God’s rules, the law set forth by this country, and you disrespected these guards who have been nothing but good to us! Do you understand why this is so wrong?”

“Yes!” I yelped, looking up at him. I didn’t mean to raise my voice, or to argue back, but I was so overwhelmed with so much guilt and remorse and he was making it so much worse!

“I’m not stupid!” I said, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence. “Do you honestly think I don’t realize what a stupid decision it was!? I know that! I know everything you’re saying! You don’t have to keep repeating yourself!”

He stepped closer to me and grabbed my arm, which caused the first tear to fall. Why had I snapped back at him? What was wrong with me! What was honestly my problem! Where was this defiant force coming from!?

“Do you want me to take you over my knee right here!?” he said, yanking me to my feet.

I shook my head as I began to cry before everyone. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. No sir, I’m sorry.”

“Apologize to this man!” he said, yanking me by the grip he had on my arm and facing me to look directly at the guard. He looked somewhere in between glad that my behavior was being addressed properly, and nervous about how much trouble I was really in.

“I’m so sorry, sir. I don’t know what I was thinking. That’s not me. I’ve never done anything like that before and I’ll never do anything like that again and I’m sorry that I had to… I’m sorry that you had to come after us and chase us and…”

“Chase you!?” My father yelled.

“When we approached them, they all ran from us. Your son was the first one to stop and be respectful though,” the guard said, probably trying to help me.

“What have you learned about running from the trouble you’ve caused?” my father yelled, yanking me so I was looking at him.

“Not…to…” I stumbled.

My father sat down on the chair I’d been sitting in and pulled me to his side. I squeezed my eyes closed, preparing myself for probably the most public spanking of my life. I would be spanked before four friends, my brother, and the mall security. Not to mention these were friends I didn’t know all that well, and considered to be very cool. It couldn’t get any worse, but I didn’t know what else to do.

Isaac watched and when he saw what my father was going to do he stepped forward in between my father and I and said, “Dad, deal with Taylor at home. Why don’t we get out of here, cool off, and then you can punish him in our own house instead of here. I know you don’t feel it’s appropriate to…” He trailed off.

I could have wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. He was taking a huge risk stepping out for me into the line of danger. I appreciated it so much, because he said what I wanted to say but knew my father wouldn’t listen to from my mouth. And Isaac always made things sound so much more reasonable.

My father contemplated, looking around Isaac to look at me. I stood there crying, desperately wiping at the tears that were falling from my eyes. Everyone’s eyes were on me, and mine on the floor. I couldn’t bear to look anyone in the eyes.

“He’s embarrassed enough, Dad,” Isaac said calmly. “Take him home and then talk to Mom about what you think he deserves. You know she wouldn’t approve of spanking him right here.”

He was right. My father couldn’t argue that. My mother believed 100 percent in spanking her children, and she even supported the level of shame and humiliation that came with a spanking. But she never saw the need to take it to the next level- to spank in front of others. Occasionally we were given smacks on the seat of our jeans in front of friends or spanked in front of our family, obviously, but Isaac was right. She wouldn’t approve.

My father nodded and stood up from the chair. Then he stepped around Isaac, pointed an angry finger at me and added, “You can expect to learn your lesson when we get home. I don’t want to hear another word from you until after I’ve spanked you soundly, do you understand?”

I nodded, knowing better than to talk. He apologized once again to the guard, and apologized to my friends for the scene but reminded them that they better think about their decisions and the route they were taking in life. Then he took my by the arm again and pulled me for the door. I didn’t look at anyone as I was pulled out of the room on purpose, but I did catch Sarah’s eye. She looked completely apologetic and speechless after what she had just witnessed. It was horrible knowing that as I walked out of there, each one of them was conjuring up a guess about what was waiting for me at home. It was all so humiliating.

My father didn’t speak to me as he yanked me out to the car. He let go of me when we reached the door to the backseat without a word. I stopped crying, relieved to have time to just sit and be lost in my thoughts without having to think about responding to my father’s anger just yet.

And that’s how I found myself sitting behind my father in the car watching the landscape as the seconds ticked by. Each second and each rotation of the wheels I was closer and closer to having to face my punishment. I continued trying to focus on anything but what I had done and what he would do to me, but it was pointless. Impossible.

We pulled into the driveway and Isaac protectively got out slowly so he could walk in with my father and me. I think he recognized an anger in my father none of us had ever seen before, and he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t get spanked right there in the front yard. To my disappointment, there was a car parked in front of the house with a mother and her two daughters in Hanson t-shirts. They jumped out of the car when we pulled in.

“Taylor! Isaac!” The mother cried at us as we walked slowly towards the front door. I looked up at them and gave them a weak smile. Go away!!! I wanted to yell.

When I approached the front door, I so badly wanted to disappear inside away from the world and the excited fans, but I knew the world was what was keeping my father from grabbing me and spanking my backside till there was no tomorrow. I stood paralyzed with my hand on the door knob, unable to turn it and go inside.

“Taylor…” Isaac muttered, stepping by me and opening the door himself.

I gasped not really in pain but in embarrassment as my father reached out and gave me a swift swat on my backside. I guess procrastinating wouldn’t be accepted. I didn’t look at the fans at the front of the house. I just followed Isaac inside and began walking straight for my bedroom. I didn’t know where else to go.

“Jordan Taylor Hanson!” my mother’s voice yelled from the kitchen as she stepped into the hallway and pointed at me like my father had earlier. “I don’t think so. Come into the kitchen this instant.” She narrowed her eyes when I just stood there frozen. “Let’s go!”

I walked with shakily legs to the kitchen where my father had joined my mother. He was actually pacing. He was livid. I closed my eyes and tried to mentally escape. I tried to pretend I was on stage before a crowd of girls and my nervousness was just ordinary stage fright. Thousands of aggressive girls didn’t scare me half as much as my impending punishment did.

“He stole a watch, A WATCH, from Dillards! We’re not talking a t-shirt from Wal-Mart, Di, or a candy bar from the Walgreens. He stole an actual watch. Just put it on his wrist and walked off with it! His friends were encouraging him to… you know those kids from travel soccer? They were all doing it too.”

My mother turned to me and shot me a shocked expression before turning back to my father, “How did they catch him?”

“I guess the department store saw it on their cameras, called security, and security ran around the mall for 15 minutes looking for them. And when they did spot Taylor and his friends, they ran from the security! Ran from them!”

My mom sent me another horrified expression before saying pretty much what my father had said before. “Have you not been taught lesson after lesson and been given spanking after spanking for running away from trouble that you yourself caused!?”

I dropped my head immediately the ground and tried to count the tiles on the floor. I was so nervous I was convinced my heart would just take a bounding leap out of my chest.

“I’m just really…” my father searched for the right word. “I’m just astounded by this behavior. I am so furious with him.” He spoke of me like I wasn’t standing right there listening to it all.

“Well, he shouldn’t be punished while we’re so furious,” my mother sighed. “I’d spank him, but I’m just as furious as you are, Walker…”

We all stood there for a moment trying to figure out what to do. Maybe we could just skip the spanking period and move onto the lecture, I wanted to suggest, but I knew better. I didn’t have a shot in hell.

“Sit down at the table,” my dad finally uttered. “You won’t be eating dinner tonight. As far as I’m concerned, you can go to bed without supper. Sit at the table though until we decide what to do with you.”

My parents rarely said that. Usually we were spanked right away, lectured, and then sent to bed. My parents had to be truly furious to not even know how to spank me. I sat down immediately, unwilling to play with fire. My father disappeared outside after a minute where he began collecting wood for the fireplace. My mom shook her head at me sadly and then went back to working on dinner. I sat in that chair for 45 minutes studying the ground as my siblings went in and out of the room.

Each one paused to look at me, trying to figure out exactly what I had done, before moving on and doing their best to pretend I wasn’t sitting there moments away from a spanking. Only Mackenzie, who was four years old and naïve, stopped and spoke to me.

“Are you in trouble, Taylor?” he asked from the doorway of the kitchen.

I looked up but didn’t reply. My mom beat me to it.

“He’s in a world of trouble, Mackie. He’s being punished right now so don’t speak to him,” she reminded him. “Why don’t you help me put cups down at the table?”

After a little while, my father came inside whistling and put some logs next to the fireplace. He had clearly calmed down, which sent a rush of relief to my body although it only meant my punishment was growing closer. At that point, I was ready for it. I had waited in fear for 20 minutes at the mall, another 20 minutes in the car ride, and now almost an hour in the kitchen where everyone walked by and gave me pity looked. There was no escaping the punishment. I was ready to take it. I was ready for the anticipation of it to end.

He went over to my mom at the stove and talked quietly to her. They mulled over something for awhile, which I assumed as me, before he disappeared into his bedroom to wash up for dinner.

“Dinner is ready!” My mom called from the kitchen. One by one, my family gathered in the kitchen and took their usual spots at the table. I was sitting in Jessica’s chair, so I got up quickly and stood off to the corner of the kitchen. I didn’t know what was expected of me, but I knew damn well that I better not make any wrong moves.

She nodded at me, “Go outside and call out to Zac who’s in the tree house. Tell him dinner is ready and I want him inside now.”

I obediently went outside, actually relieved to escape the kitchen for a second and distract myself. I walked over to the edge of the woods and peered over at the tree house.

“Mom wants you inside for dinner!” I called to my brother who I couldn’t actually see. It was dark but I could see a flash light. When he ran through the dry leaves and appeared in the backyard, I frowned at him. “What are you doing…?”

“Messing with this plastic telescope I found in our closet. I think someone gave it to one of us one year for Christmas.”

I examined it in his hands.

“I think Grandma gave it to all of us a few years ago. It looks crappy.”

“It is,” he agreed. “I couldn’t really see anything, but I was bored.” He joined me on the back steps and then looked over me curiously. “Mom says you stole at the mall.”

I looked down and kicked at couple pebbles off of the steps and onto the grass. Sometimes I felt guilt after the spanking, and it was the punishment that caused me to realize how wrong I was. Not in the case. I already knew how stupid, sinful, and horrible I’d been. I deserved the punishment I’d get, but I didn’t need it to see my faults.

“I got really stupid…”I replied. It was the only answer I could find. That was the truth. I had just gotten stupid. I didn’t know why! Sometimes I just didn’t think and I made bad decisions for no reason that could be explained.

“But why did you do it…? I’m sure you could have asked for whatever it was for your birthday next month. What was the point in stealing it?” He stepped onto the steps and stomped to get mud off of his shoes.

“I don’t know, Zac. I really don’t know. My friends were giving me a hard time about it and… I just caved and wanted to feel…”

“Bad ass?”

I rarely heard my 12 year old brother cuss, so it took me by surprise. He seemed so old standing there casually talking to me without rubbing it into my face or yelping because I had broken the law. I almost felt like I was talking to Isaac. When had my little brother grown up? “I guess… it did make me feel that way.”

He shook his head. “Dude, it’s not worth it. Remember in November when I got punished badly because I was found with Jason’s cigarettes?”

Just months earlier Zac had been caught with our body guard’s cigarettes in his backpack. He swore he didn’t smoke any of them, and my parents believed him since he promised until he was blue in the face. But he was still spanked backstage for taking what wasn’t his and having cigarettes in his possession.

“I really didn’t smoke them. I told Mom and Dad the truth about that. I just felt so… I felt like a rebel having them. I felt cool. Well then Mom spanked me really hard with the brush and I was crying and couldn’t walk normal for the next two days. I felt so stupid. And that brief moment of feeling cool wasn’t worth any of it. It just wasn’t.”

I nodded and looked down at my sneakers. “I know that. But I always forget… and I always think in the moment and don’t think about punishments in the past, or the future or…”

Zac shrugged, “I think Mom and Dad are frustrated with that…with us making the same mistakes over and over again without learning from spankings. I’m frustrated with myself too for doing the same things over and over again, because logically I know I shouldn’t.”

I nodded sadly. “I’m frustrated too.”

I needed some self-control, I decided. I needed to be able to pause myself in a moment of temptation, consider the past in the future like Zac mentioned, and then force myself to choose the right path.

“Boys!” My mother shouted from the kitchen, and Zac and I quickly scurried inside to my family who was all seated at the kitchen table.

My father rose from his seat and pulled the chair away from the table. He was setting up a place for me to spanked. I had been spanked too many times to ignore the signs. I winced and backed away from him naturally.

He sat back down once the chair was pulled away and reached for a wooden spoon from the canister of kitchen supplies behind him. My stomach lurched. I couldn’t remember the last time I had come face to face with that thing, but it hadn’t been pleasant.

He nodded for me to come over to him, so I took two baby steps towards the chair.

“Taylor, come on and face the punishment you alone earned.”

Somehow, his calm but strict voice came me the encouragement I needed although his tone really was anything but comforting.

I walked over to him and stood at his side, convinced he would take my pants down.

“Tell the family what’s going on. They deserve to know.”

I didn’t see how really, but I wasn’t going to protest. I had only been punished once before in front of my entire family before dinner, so I was very nervous standing there in front of them all.

“I stole something today from Dillards,” I squeaked, finally finding my voice. Only my voice was high-pitched and it didn’t sound like mine when it came out of my mouth. I was a wreck. “I was with some… bad influences… and I went ahead and I… I… took watch without paying for it… and I was caught by the security and… Dad had to pick me up.”

“Why did you do it?” My father asked, not demanding anymore but genuinely asking.

“I…” I looked at Zac. Usually Isaac was my support, but Zac sat there nodding encouragingly at me. He really had grown up. “I guess sometimes… it feels cool and grown up to be bad.”

My siblings seemed to understand. They didn’t say anything, but they sat back in their seats and studied their hands. All kids understand the power in doing something you know you shouldn’t be. Every once in awhile, you need that release of rebellion. I guess my problem is I was releasing that rebellious side of me far too much lately.

“It wasn’t right…” I clarified. “Even at the time I knew it wasn’t right. I did think of what I’d been taught from you and from the Bible… and I did think about how it was illegal. I considered all of that before I did it. But I guess… I couldn’t take the pressure of standing up for what I believed.”

My parents exchanged looks. They weren’t expecting that revelation, I guess.

“Taylor,” my father sighed. “Your friends are going to feel jealous of you a lot because you have what a lot of people your age wish they had. You have a very good life… you’re living a fun life. And I’m not saying they’re bad people, but they’re naturally going to feel threatened by all of that and you need to be able to stand up to people who try and take that away from you.” He turned to the entire family. “We want you to be confident in who you are. You are all good kids, and you all have good morals. Do not let people who feel convicted by their own wrongs fool you into making the same mistakes they make.”

Sometimes when my father talks I just sit there and think “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.” And yet sometimes, what he says really touches home and I learn something I hadn’t known earlier. As I stood there in the kitchen, it was one of those times. Why had I thrown my true, obedient, moral identity out the window just to appease a few misguided friends? Why, I was such a fool. I was so foolish! I needed to learn to control myself in any situation, any circumstance, when faced with any temptation.

“Taylor, you have a responsibility as a Christian, as our son, and as their friend to stand up for yourself. You have a responsibility to make the right decision when it’s not easy. I really expected that you would when you needed to, but you really disappointed us today when you went ahead and followed the crowd and did something so… so inexcusably wrong on so many levels.”

Surprisingly, I agreed with him completely. He was right. My parents, as usual were absolutely right.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, turning to him and looking at his face earnestly. I spoke just above a whisper, because I was just so disappointed and scared and tired to make anymore noise than than. “I understand… I really do understand this time. I… I agree with you.”

He looked surprised, but he just nodded solemnly. “Come over here. You have a punishment to face.”

I stepped closer to him again, finally standing at his side. I closed my eyes and tried to keep my feet firm as he swiftly undid my pants and pushed them to the floor.

“Let’s go, Taylor,” he said when I didn’t automatically bend over. I lowered myself to his lap and submitted as he pulled my boxers down in back and began giving painful spanks to my poor backside with his hand. I hoped he might go easy as the humiliation of it being in front of my family was bad enough, but he didn’t. I’ve been spanked many times, and feel I can pretty accurately assess a bad spanking from a mild one. This one was bad. He spanked me hard nearly two dozen times until I was crying and squirming in his lap.

Then, with little pausing, he picked the spoon up and used that to continue spanking my reddening backside. I gripped onto the legs of the chair and tried to keep myself from being too loud or crying too hard, but I couldn’t control myself really. It hurt too bad, and it was too embarrassing.

I reached around myself and tried to cover my bottom after about twenty spanks with the spoon, but he just sighed and grabbed my arm, holding it against my back.

“Taylor...” He sighed, “We were almost done too… but now I’m going to give you ten more.”

I groaned and continued whimpering, muttering incoherent pleas like, “I’m so… so… I won’t ever… I’ve learned my…”

Finally he finished and pulled my boxers back up to preserve some modesty before my family. I stood up and pulled my pants up right away. I wanted to escape to my bedroom. I wanted to disappear behind the doors of my room and hide under the covers until the next day. The next day… the next week… hell, the next month I wouldn’t lose control. I’d think about my decisions before I made them. I’d be strong, and follow my morals, and I’d be good, most of all! I’d behave myself. I saw my wrongs, and I agreed with my punishment, but I still hated it and I couldn’t help but feel upset about it all. Just because you know you deserve something, it doesn’t make it any easier and you really don’t resent it any less.

“Taylor,” my mom spoke to me. “What do you have to say to your father?”

I wiped my sticky cheeks and runny nose. I felt ridiculous standing there before my little siblings so distraught and well… so un-cool.

“I’m sorry you had to come and pick me up,” I said, running my fingers through my air and grasping for some composure. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, and made you feel like you didn’t do a good job teaching me what’s right, and I’m sorry you had to punish me… and most of all, I’m just sorry I made you so mad. I never intended to…”

He nodded, which let me know he accepted my apology. I think I literally ran to his arms when he stood up and reached out for a hug. I let him rub my back and kiss my forehead, although it made me feel young and silly… it still felt safe. It’s funny… how the arms that can give you the toughest, most horrible spankings can also be the arms that make you know you’re going to be fine. You’re in good hands.

“Sometimes I’m unsure about whether or not you saw what you did wrong… but I think you really do this time, and I’m proud of you for working that out with yourself. I think it’s obvious that should this ever happen again, the punishment will be much worse and I am still very disappointed in you.”

I guess there was no escaping that. My spanking nor my apologies erased what I’d done.

“It will never, never happen again Dad…”

He released me from the hug and turned to the rest of the family, sitting in his chair and pulling it back up to the table. “I hope that applies to all of you too.”

They all nodded obediently and he turned back to me.

“Taylor, off to your room and to bed.”

“But he didn’t eat dinner!” Avery squeaked. We all turned to her nervously. Surely she shouldn’t have said that. I was still being punished.

“He’s going to bed without dinner, tonight,” my father explained.

“But he’s hungry…” My sister argued. Again, she shouldn’t have.

I smiled gratefully at her and let my eyes fall back to the ground. “I’ll live, Avie…”

“He needs to think about all of this,” my father explained, and then nodded at me to let me know it was time to leave.

I was almost thankful to get to escape the humiliating situation and fall asleep for the night. I was physically tired from the spanking, but more emotionally tired from the whole day’s stress. It wasn’t until the hunger pains hit that I wished maybe I could have gotten to sit and eat something. I was asleep before I could think much more about it.

The following weekend I was actually allowed to see those friends again, but only if they came over. They agreed to ride over on their bikes and play some soccer in the backyard. At first, and in front of our parents, we didn’t discuss the mall situation at all. After we had kicked the ball around for a bit though, the things that had to be said were said.

“We didn’t know your parents were so strict,” Keith explained, holding the soccer ball between his feet to pause the passing. “Otherwise we would have never…”

“We still steal,” Sarah sighed. “Getting caught once is going to scare us… but we’re still going to do it.”

Were the nuts!? I was caught and I never so much as wanted to enter a mall again for the rest of my lives! And they were just going to keep on doing it relentlessly!?

“But we don’t think you should. Your parents are… way different than ours. I wouldn’t steal if I were you,” Keith explained.

“I wouldn’t breathe wrong if I were you…” my other friend Chris muttered.

“We’re clearly dealing with two different types of parents here… we had no clue your parents still-”

“Don’t… say it,” I sighed. “Not something I like to…”

“I know… it’s embarrassing. But just so you know… I just think… I mean you’re cool man, but you clearly just live a different life than us. You can’t do the same stuff we can, and that’s annoying.”

I paused and leaned against the back of my house. I began to contemplate, like my father, how good of friends they were.

“We’re not trying to hate on you. In fact, none of us are mad at you at all for the incident the other day. You couldn’t have stopped it… not really I guess,” Keith continued. “We’re not pissed at you, but we’re not about to take you back to the mall, that’s for sure. It’s just… I think you should probably stick with your church friends. They’re sort of… weird like your family is, aren’t they?”

He tried to sound so fair and calm and nice. But he wasn’t! He was tearing me down because of decisions my parents made and morals I had! He tried not to make it obvious, but I wasn’t stupid. I raised my eyebrows and tapped the side of my house with my fingers.

“Weird?” I questioned out loud.

“Parents aren’t still supposed to spank their children anymore, Taylor. That’s just… not normal. Or right. But we’re not going to hate you for it. In fact, I tried to save your ass with your father, but he’s just a nazi isn’t he?”

“A nazi…?” I repeated. I tried to make sense of it all. “You weren’t trying to save my ass! You were trying to save your own guilty conscious, weren’t you?”

“That’s not true, Taylor,” Keith sighed, kicking the soccer ball for the net in the corner of my yard.

“Listen, we don’t want Momma’s boys hanging around us. It’s bad for our image.”

“You’re image!? You’re 14-year-old’s who hang around the mall every weekend! What kind of image are you trying to preserve here?”

“We just don’t hang out with people like you… and people from your church.”

“My church has nothing to do with who I am! And neither do my parents! What the hell is your problem?”

“Taylor,” Keith sighed. “We knew you wouldn’t take this well… we’re not insulting you.”

“Like hell you’re not insulting me!”

“We’re just saying…” he looked to everyone else who stood there quietly. This was ridiculous. “We’re just saying see you around.”

I watched in shock as they began to collect their things that were scattered in the backyard and walk towards where their bikes were parked in my driveway. Was I really being ditched by these people because I wouldn’t continue to steal and my parents still spanked me?! Oh my god. My father had always preached how I was cool because I was me when I told him that I was scared of what people would think if they knew I was still spanked. He’d tried so hard to convince me that being behaved was the new being rebellious- that being a bad ass wasn’t as cool as I thought it was. Apparently he was all wrong…

I followed after them.

“You’re actually going to quit being my friend because I don’t want to do stupid shit like you all do?”

“Because you’re sort of a pansy, Taylor!” Keith sighed.

“A pansy!?” I gasped.

“You were dancing on one on MTV…” Chris grunted as he hopped onto his bike.

They all laughed. Kelly looked a bit hesitant. She looked like she felt bad, but even she didn’t say anything in my defense. She just got on her bike with them.

“This is bullshit! You’re judging me just because of how my parents are! Just because my parents are hard asses it doesn’t mean we can’t hang out! It doesn’t mean I can’t be normal around all of you.”

I was pleading for a friendship I hardly wanted any longer. My father was right. They were lousy friends.

Suddenly my stomach dropped as I heard my mom’s voice behind me. “Taylor, can you come inside right now!”

I turned to see her standing on the front porch angry, probably because of my language. My so called friends exchanged knowing looks, chuckled to themselves, and then rolled their eyes before pulling out of the driveway on their bikes.

I turned to my mother and stomped up the stairs past her, slamming the front door as I entered the house.

“What is going on with you?!” she yelled as she followed me inside.

“Nothing is going on! I’m fine! I’m so fine I’m great! Just leave me alone!” I shouted, slamming my bedroom door too and sitting on my bed.

She opened the door a moment later like I was expecting her to.

“You need to calm down and control yourself!” She said, placing her hands on her hips.

“I don’t want to hear it!” I said, placing my hands over my ears. “I’m sick of listening to stupid rules and stupid warnings! I’m sick of this stupid house and YOU bursting into MY room and telling me bullshit!”

“Alright mister,” my mother said, walking over to my bed. “This is completely inappropriate. Lets go, pants down.”

I stood up from the bed before he could grab me. I stalked out of my bedroom, completely unlike myself, and walked through the kitchen to the back door. I went outside and began taking balls from the bin of balls by the back door and hurling them into the backyard with all of my might. Anything to release anger. Anything to distract me.

“What is going on with you!?” My mother gasped, stomping over to me and grabbing my wrist. She spun me around so I faced her. “Taylor, you stop it and you talk to me! What has gotten into you!”

She knew something was wrong. If she didn’t sense it, she would have already yanked down my pants and spanked me. She knew there was something beyond my freshness and potty mouth.

“I won’t let you spank me!” I shouted at her. “It’s weird! We’re weird! And I refuse to take part any longer!”

She took both of my wrists and held onto me tightly, jerking my body towards me so I had no choice but to look at her.

“Unfortunately, young man, you don’t have that right at age fourteen. You don’t make decisions about your discipline. I am sad you hear you disapprove so strongly of the way we handle you kids, but there is nothing I can do about it.”

I felt tears pricking my eyes. Why had they said that? Why had my parents driven them off? And why had my parents lied to me and told me it wouldn’t cause me to lose friends!? They were lying to me. How much were they lying about?

“Taylor,” my mother said nervously. “What is going on with you? What happened with those friends?”

“They’re not friends!” I said as the tears began to fall. I felt stupid. I was almost 15 years old and standing there crying to my mother about a little fight. How babyish. They were right. I wasn’t cool at all.

I pulled away from her grasp and stormed back towards my bedroom. I wanted to just disappear. I didn’t care where. I didn’t care if there would be repercussions. I just wanted to be away from her- from everyone. For some reason, as I slammed my bedroom door again she didn’t come after me. I expected her to, so when I laid on my bed for 10 minutes without her following me, I was confused.

She didn’t knock until 30 minutes later and I was cooled down. I was still confused and felt betrayed and ashamed of everything, but I was at least calmer.

“Taylor,” she said quietly as she stepped in without knocking. My parents rarely knocked. It was their house, they reasoned. She walked over to my bed and sat down next to me. I turned and faced the wall. “What is going on? I want you to tell me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I uttered the typical teenage words.

“I know you don’t want to. But we’re not going to let this just disappear. I’m not in here to punish you right now. That doesn’t mean I necessarily won’t eventually, since your behavior this afternoon was absurd. But you do need to at least talk to me about this.”

I laid down on my bed and put my face into my pillow. Go away, I thought. I didn’t want to talk to her about it. She wouldn’t understand. She wouldn’t get it at all. She’d tell me they, I, was just being ridiculous. That’s what they always told me.

“Young man, I’m being very understanding here and trying to be patient with you. I gave you some time to compose yourself, but now I expect you to talk to me.”

I knew I was testing her patience, but I didn’t know where to start.

“Alright, Taylor,” she sighed when I didn’t reply. “Your father will come in to deal with you when he gets home. I don’t want you to get up until then. You can expect to be punished for your rudeness and bursting out earlier, and your disobedience right now. I don’t appreciate being ignored.”

I felt the bed spring a tiny bit as she got up and walked for the door. I was running out of time. My parents rarely gave us an opportunity to explain rather than get punished first, and I knew I should be appreciative of her lenience and take advantage of it.

“I don’t agree…” I spoke quietly. She stopped walking and turned to look at me.

“Go on.”

“I… I don’t agree with how you and Dad raise us. And I… I don’t think you realize that it loses us friends. I just lost a handful of friends today because of you two.”

She sat back down next to me and looked at me. “What happened? I want you to explain what happened.”

I sighed and refused to look at her, keeping my face buried into the pillow and running my fingers along the top of my soft sheets.

“I invited them all over today and for awhile we played soccer and had fun, until they brought up the other day and what happened. You told the guard to tell me I’d be spanked, and Dad almost took me and spanked me right there! He would have if Isaac didn’t tell him not to. My friends brought it all up… they said it was weird.”

“What exactly was weird?”

“The way you discipline us,” I mumbled into the pillow.

“The what? Sit up when you talk Taylor. I can’t hear you.”

I didn’t sat up, but I did turn my head so I wasn’t speaking directly into the pillow any longer. “They said it was weird the way you discipline us… and it made me a pansy that I was still so controlled by you and Dad. And they said they couldn’t be friends with me any longer.”

“Did you explain to them that you’re not going to judge the way their parents raise them, and it’s ridiculous for them to judge you because of how we raise you? Did you tell them you just grew up in a very different world than they did?”

“I told them about church and how the parents are more strict like you and Dad are. And they said that was weird too. And I told them that church and my parents are completely separate from me, that they don’t define me. But they still left.”

My mother frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“Say what?”

“Of course church defines who you are Taylor. It sets a standard of behavior for you to follow. It teaches right from wrong, and it shows how God expects us to treat people and act on this earth. If you’re a Christian, it should be closely connected. And the way your parents raised you defines who you are as well. I don’t think it’s right to say that you’re not connected to those two things. That is who you are.”

I sighed. Maybe she was right. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was just as weird as my church and just as crazy as my strict parents.

“Well… maybe it’s not who I want to be.”

She sighed and touched my arm, but I moved it away. I was angry at her. I was angry at her for punishing me so differently all of the years and for never being sensitive to how other people might see it.

“Unfortunately, Taylor, right now as long as you’ve living under this roof with us, we help decide who you’re going to be. And your father and I have decided you’re going to abide by laws, be respectful of adults, mind yourself, and be disciplined accordingly when you don’t.”

“But don’t you see how that hurts me!? They think I’m weird, Mom! They think I’m weird because of something so simple as my parents still spanking me! It would be so easy to stop that and punish me like everyone else does…”

“It is not as rare as people think it is Taylor…”

“Well it seems like it is!”

My mother sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. I couldn’t see her exactly, but I could tell by the pause in her breathing that she was trying to calm herself down so she could talk reasonably with me.

“It is not something you talk about to your next door neighbor. I think you’d be surprised how many people your age are still raised strictly. But that is not the point. Your father and I have always thought very hard about how we’re going to raise our children- not how everyone else is- but what we see as appropriate. We don’t need to justify our discipline methods to you, but if you agree that they’re weird… well. Then we’re weird.”

“I don’t want to be weird, Momma…”

“You don’t find it rather strange that these kids are stealing and then saying they won’t be your friend because of how your parents raise you? You don’t think that is weird itself, Taylor?”

“I…”

“Because if you ask me, I think THAT is weird!”

I contemplated the idea. Yeah. It was kind of weird.

“Why would they do that…”

She sighed and reached down, rubbing my side and that time I didn’t flinch or move. “Because people are judgmental, Taylor. God’s children, as a whole, are often selfish, jealous, judgmental, and plain old ridiculous. I don’t know why we do what we do, but I do know that just because a group of 14-year-old’s tells you that you’re weird, that is not the be all and end all of it. That doesn’t make it a fact.”

“It feels like a fact…” I groaned. “When you’re my age, you just want to be accepted Mom!” I sat up and looked at her. She was listening. She was truly listening. “You want to be cool and normal and… well-liked and for a group of friends to shun you just because… just because they don’t agree with your family’s lifestyle…” I trailed off.

She nodded. “That’s hard. I can imagine. I can imagine that’s hurtful, Taylor. But hey… it could be a lot worse. You just get spanked. It’s not like we’re nudists or something like that.”

I chuckled and nodded. She understood.

“It might have been a long time ago that I was a teenager too… but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember how hard it can be. I remember how hard it is to just want social acceptance. Fortunately, you grow out of that as you get older and it no longer really matters too much. But I do remember how much pressure there is to be cool. I remember that, Tay.”

“Then why won’t you and Dad ease up… make it a little easier for us? Why do you have to make it so obvious to friends that we’re still spanked or have to reprimand me so much in public?”

She sighed, “Because I’m not ashamed of how we raise you. In fact, I’m proud that we’re raising children who really do learn lessons and learn to behave themselves. And I know you might be, but I also know sometimes that shame is going to help you learn those lessons. So you might lose a few friends along the way, but to me those lessons are more important.”

“I don’t agree…” I mumbled.

“I know you don’t. And you don’t have to. But I want you to consider why you wanted to be friends with those kids in the first place. Taylor, they’re not nice kids. Not yet at least. They’re still growing and maturing and learning to do the right thing. But on the way it seems like they’re hurting a lot of people, and unfortunately you had to be one of those people that they hurt. I don’t know why you want to bother with being treated like that.”

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. “They’re different from church friends, I guess. My entire life friends have been just like me. I guess I liked… the change.”

“I can understand that,” my mother added. “And I’m sure there are a lot of great kids who you played soccer with last year that are not mean like they are. Maybe we could look into some of the other boys from your old team? Didn’t you like that kid on your team… what was his name…? Michael?”

I always thought my mother hated those friends because they didn’t go to church. But that wasn’t the truth. She didn’t like them because she saw what I couldn’t see. She saw their character, and she didn’t like what she saw. It wasn’t that they were not Christian; it’s that they were plain old mean.

“It’s kind of hard now…” I mumbled, “Always traveling… meeting people and them expecting me to be something I’m not.”

She sighed and pushed my hair behind my ear. “You’re a tough guy, Taylor. You’re so social, you know that right?”

I blushed. “I always feel sort of… socially… awkward.”

She laughed, “Oh no. People are always telling me how social and talkative and laid back you are. You are not socially awkward. You do just fine meeting people and seeming cool. Trust me. You are very cool.”

“Momma… are we weird?”

“Let’s see… we travel around the world, all nine of us, live on a bus for half of the year, meet the president for Christmas… what do you think?”

I sighed, and half-smiled. It was all I could offer, but it was better than nothing. “You know what I mean…”

“I wouldn’t say we’re weird Taylor. We don’t conform to society, that’s for sure. Do you know how many times your Aunt Sally has told me that I am too strict with you boys? She tells me, Diana, boys will be boys. Just be glad your sons aren’t heroine addicts and Satanists by now. They’re just normal teenage boys. But I look at normal teenage boys when we’re out in public, on television, the friends you bring home. That’s not good enough for me, Taylor. I expect better for my sons. I hold them to a higher standard. And I’m sorry that you have a mother who is not satisfied with her sons conforming to what all the other teenagers are doing, but that is just how it is. Like I said, maybe we are weird if weird means different from main stream. But that is something you are going to have to learn to deal with.”

“I’m trying…” I mumbled. “It wasn’t so weird to be spanked five years ago when all of my friends were still getting it from their parents too. But now I feel like I’m the only one.”

She laughed. “I talk to the mothers at church, Taylor. You’d be surprised by how many of your friends still take trips over their father’s knee when they get into a lot of trouble.”

I widened my eyes, curious for the gossip. Who else!?

“Oh, don’t even. That’s motherly gossip. Do you expect their mothers to keep your secrets?”

“Yes,” I mumbled, “Although it seems like everyone already knows since it feels like you and dad are always announcing it whenever I get myself into trouble.”

She nodded, patting my leg. “Well you know the answer to that, right?”

“Behave myself,” I sighed.

“Bingo. I don’t expect you to be perfect. You know that. We give you some room to misbehave a little here or there, but it’s when we notice that your behavior is actually getting out of control that we crack down. Can you honestly say we punish you unfairly?”

The truth was, no. My spankings were always justified. My parents never punished me unless I knew why and had known in advance that what I was doing was wrong. They never spanked out of sheer anger, and never spanked without showing us how much they loved us afterwards.

“No ma’am,” I swallowed. “But I still hate it… I’d much rather be grounded for getting myself into trouble.”

She laughed and stood up, taking a pair of Zac’s pants from the ground and carefully folding them for him. “And that’s why it wouldn’t be effective, Taylor. How about we pretend this afternoon never happened? You never slammed doors, you never talked back… I appreciate this conversation I had with you, and that you were able to be honest with me. I don’t want to take away from that.”

I nodded appreciatively, lying back down on my side on my bed.

“Mom, do you think I’m a pansy? A momma’s boy?”

She smiled, “If loving and respecting your Mom makes you a momma’s boy, then yes. I think you are. And I love that about you.” She walked over to me and bent down to kiss my forehead.

Before she left she paused in the doorway. “Taylor, I’m sorry to hear about your friends.”

I nodded, “Thanks. I guess it’s for the best.”

“Why is that?”

I sighed. “You’re right. I don’t want to waste my time with people like that. They don’t… get me. And even though they don’t get me, they don’t even respect what they don’t get. It’s still… unfortunate it had to work out like this though.”

She nodded and turned my light off. It was still bright outside, but it felt nice to have the bright lights off. It was a Saturday afternoon perfect for just relaxing in my empty bedroom. It was rare my bedroom was sibling-free.

“It is unfortunate,” she nodded. “Let me know if you have more to say about this, okay? I’m not saying that I am going to change the way we discipline you. Your father and I made that decision a long time ago. But it doesn’t mean I won’t listen. It’s helpful to know where you’re coming from.”

“Okay.”

“No more slamming doors and brushing me off next time. You come right to me and tell me, mom, I need to talk to you right now. Kapeesh?”

I sighed and nodded gratefully, “Thanks Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too… my little momma’s boy,” he smiled, blowing a kiss into my bedroom before stepping out and closing the door.

And the truth was, I didn’t mind it. In a world of music award shows, Hollywood gossip, and television appearances it was nice to have a mother to come back to whenever I needed it. Perhaps I didn’t mind being a momma’s boy after all.