little johnny

It was the end of the school year and the students were giving their teacher gifts. The teacher
                knew the profession od the kids' parents so she would guess what they got her. The florists
                daughter gave her a box, she put it over her head and shook it. "Are they flowers?" asked the
                teacher, the student replied, "how did you know?"
                Then the candy shop son came with a box, she put it over her head and said "Is it candy?" The
                student said "how'd you know!!"
                Then the liquor store owner's son, Johnny, came and the teacher saw the box leaking. She put
                her tongue on it and sucked the juice and said "Is it wine?" Johnny shook his head. Then she
                licked it again, "Vodka?" Johnny replied "Nuh-uhn! It's a puppy!!!"

                                Once little Johnny went into a shop he took a toy plane and gave the shopkeeper fake money. So,
                the shopkeeper told him " Hey you, this aint real money", little Johnny (continue walking out of
                the shop) didn't reply. The shopkeeper said the same thing and the same thing happened, the
                third time the shopkeeper called him. Little Johnny said "What?" the shopkeeper said "This aint
                real money" and Little Johnny finally said "And this aint a real plane."

                Little johnny is seven years old and is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he
                announces,"Me and Janie are going to married!" 
                "Oh?" Says the mother. "And how old is Janie?"
                "Five," replies the boy.
                "Well," says the father,"what are you goin to do for money?"
                "I get fifteen cents a week allowance," says Johnny, " and Janie gets ten cents. "We figured if we
                put it together we would be okay." 
                "I see," says the father."But what are you going to do if you have children?"
                "Well," says Johnny,"so far we have been lucky."

                Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom 
                tried this new method with 6 steps:
                1. Unbutton pants
                2. Pull pants down
                3. Pull foreskin back
                4. Pee
                5. Push foreskin forward
                6. Pull pants up and button
                She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
                going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
                Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

                Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
                problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds
                sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.",replied
                Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like
                the way you are thinking."
                Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream
                cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
                cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher neverously, "I guess the one sucking the
                cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way
                you are thinking. Another day in class the teacher
                brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of
                fruit, and
                you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny
                raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored
                him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like
                your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is
                hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again
                and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But
                I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow,
                and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher
                skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash,
                but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got
                one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard,
                and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's
                disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!

                Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right
                you don't have to go to school on Monday.The fist friday the question was how many gallons of
                water is there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday. Next
                Friday the question was how many grains of sand is there in the whole world. No one knew so
                they had to go to school on Monday. By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he
                doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next
                Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to
                her and she said,"Who is the comedian with two black balls?" Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby.
                See you on Tuesday."
                

                one day little jonny was playing with his toy train and it was goin round and round when he stoped
                it he said, "all u sons a bitches gettin on get on and all u sons a bitches gettin off get off." his
                mother comes in and say, " what did u say young man. go to your room and think about what u
                said. so after 4 hours his mother comes and say come eat supper and then u can play with your
                train again. so after supper little jonny goes back to his train and says, " all u sons a bitches gettin
                on get on and all u sons a bitches gettin off get off and all u sons a bitches pissed off about the
                delay talk to the bitch in the kitchen!!!"
         

                Class dismissed! the teacher yelled. but little johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk
                and says teacher can i go home with you? The teacher says no! little johnny says i'll tell my daddy
                so the teacher says okay. They get to the teachers house and she says well i'm going to take a
                quick shower, you sit right here. Can i take a shower with you he asks, NO! says the teacher i'll
                tell my daddy!! well okay, i guess so. So there in the shower and little johnny says, can i turn off
                the lights? No! says the teacher. i'll tell my daddy. well okay. so the lights are off and little johnny
                says can i stick my finger in your belly button? NO! says the teacher i'll tell my daddy. Well
                okay.....says the teacher. JOHNNY!!!!,that's not my belly-button, yeah? and that's not my finger
                eather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                

                One night when little johnny and his dad were taking a shower, little johnny asked, "hey dad,
                what's that?" the dad replies, "thats my ferrari" the next day, little johnny has a shower with his
                mum and asks, "mum, what's that?" the mum replies "that's my garage" later that night johnny
                had a bad dream and sleeps in the middle of his mum and dad. The dad asks little johnny,"move
                over son your dad needs to park his ferrari in the garage. Little johnny says "too late, my porsche
                is already in there!"