||  june 19th 2003  ||

i'm not in the mood for anythin. juz wana sit and think of nothing...listen to some muziq...ride thru some lyrics...wana go bak and dream...had thiz dream once and i told myzelf to wake up and i woke up and thanked God it wuznt reality. but thiz iz reality now isn't it. i can feel myself typing on the keyboard. i can feel all the misery i can feel tearz. i can hear my sis' muziq blastin. i can hear the name. i wished u dint have to leave and mayb that wuz a dream too...an overreaction...cuz i always knew i'd expect it some day. and today, it hit me right ther on the spot. i reli did wish u dint have to leave on my birthday. i dread for that day now. fuck my birthday i dont need it. i dont need any presents. all i want is for you to stay and if i cant accomplish that then fuck everythin. one more year i'm 13 and i wont give a fuck cuz i dont have you. you were my first guy frend and i wont kno wut to do without yooh. this mite sound just fucked up but i will miss u with all ov me and i will definetly nvr foget yooh. fuck my birthday...july doesn't need 31 days. juz an extra day thatz suposed to mean a lot...suposed to make you think "wow i've alredi accomplished another hard year" but wen that day comes i wont be thinkin anythin. congratz i'm a teen...i don give. i don care anymr. juz wish u'd stay cuz i love u