~*~*~*~

The two got the rest of her luggage and carried it out to his car. The ride to her house was silent. Willow was staring out the window, berating herself for feeling anything at all for him. Xander was driving, thinking about how good she smelled, how much he wanted to hold her, and how he shouldn't have these feelings. < You've hurt her enough, you bonehead. You shouldn't even be thinking this stuff. >

Willow let herself in the house and looked away, sighing. "Well," she said softly, turning around.

Xander looked down at her. "Um, I can go, so you can unpack. . ." He inched towards the door.

"No, you can stay," she smiled. "I'm sorta starved for the company. You've got to remember, I've been in Europe with Sheila and Ira."

"Right," Xander nodded his head.

"Besides, I got you a present. I mean. . .I got everyone presents, you know, but I can give you yours early, if you want me to. . ."

Xander's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Willow chuckled, the uneasiness of the situation gone. "Just like a kid on Christmas Morning." She turned around and grabbed her suitcase and carried it upstairs.

"I'll even do the Snoopy Dance if you want me too!" he chuckled, following her to her bedroom.

Willow set the suitcases to the side and pulled off her shoes, sitting on the bed. She reached behind her and untied her braid, running her fingers through her hair. She had her eyes closed and was chewing her bottom lip, enjoying the feeling of her hair being free.

Xander leaned against the doorframe, watching her. < My god, she's beautiful, > he thought. He felt a familiar tightening in his pants and tried to will away the thoughts of ravaging her out of his mind. < No, this isn't right! You don't deserve her! You'd only hurt her! Thank god for baggy jeans. > he sighed to himself. "Willow. . ." < Damn it, my voice is too damn husky! >

Willow looked up, eyes bright. She had no clue about the internal thoughts Xander was having, or that he was becoming aroused. "Yea?"

"Presents," he said, not trusting his voice.

"Damn, Xander, eager much?" she teased.

"If you only knew," he muttered.

"So," Willow said, bracing herself for the long description she was sure to come. < I don't know why I'm asking, I don't care. I just know it's the right thing to do. > She pulled out his present and fingered the bow, looking down at the gift. "How was your summer with Anya? Did you do anything special?"

Xander sat on her bed next to her, reaching out to finger the other side of the bow. Their fingers were almost touching, and he could swear he felt the electricity from her near touch. "One thing happened, at the beginning of the summer, right after you left. It was really big and huge."

Willow blinked, still looking down. Tears formed in her eyes. She knew it was coming. She knew he was going to propose to Anya eventually. But how could he go all summer without telling her? "Did she. . ." Her voice cracked. She cleared it. "Did she say yes?" she asked.

"Say yes?" Xander frowned. "Wills, why are you crying?" He reached out and brushed her tears away with his thumb. "What would Anya have said yes to?"

She glanced up at him, seeing his confusion. "You know. . .your big huge important thing?"

His eyebrows came together in confusion, then he brightened. "Oh! A proposal! Oh, god, no! I didn't propose to her!"

Willow sniffed. "You didn't?"

"No, of course not. I don't know if I could spend the rest of my life with her. . ." he said softly, brushing the still forming tears away. "Why did that thought make you cry, Willow?"

She pushed his hand away gently, then rubbed her face. "What was the big huge thing? You two are already having sex. . .what could be bigger than that?"

"We broke up."

Willow blinked in shock. "What?"

Xander shrugged. "Broke up. D'Hoffren told her she could have her old job back. And I was getting tired of all the sex. It wasn't. . .I don't know. I felt more like her personal vibrator. There wasn't that. . .chemistry I thought sex was supposed to have. It was cool, don't get me wrong, but. . ." He frowned. "Did you and Oz have that spark? I mean, am I just imagining that there should be one? Did I give up a good thing?"

Willow chuckled. "A spark. Hmm. . .no, not really. Oz and I were more like slow burning embers. He was as laconic in bed as he was in life. I enjoyed being with him, but I'm still not sure if I've felt real passion. Unless they've lied to us all these years on TV."

"I'd be pissed if they lied to us," Xander chuckled.

"I would be too, if I were you, and gave up someone who'd have sex at the drop of a hat," she replied quietly.

"It's ok. I didn't love her. I cared about her, but I didn't love her. I want someone that I love, you know?"

"Yea," she smiled. "Anyway, here," she said, thrusting the present into his lap.

He slowly began to open it and glanced up at her. She was watching him excitedly, hoping he'd like his present. "Why were you crying?"

She looked up at him with a deer in the headlights look. "Huh?"

"You never answered why you were crying. Why would that make you cry?" He leaned forward and wrapped a few strands of her hair around his fingers.

"Cause you didn't tell me?" she asked softly, almost like she was making up a reason. < I can't tell you it's because I still have a little part of my heart that hopes I become Mrs. Harris. Nope, can't do that at all. >

"Hmm," he said. "Ok." He seemed pleased with that answer. He looked back down at the present and still unwrapped it slowly. "So how are you and Tara?" < Dropped the bomb. Don't want to hear about your girlfriend, cause she has something I don't, and can't have. Something that technically was mine before any of you ever joined the picture. Damn it, Harris, you are a fucking idiot. > "Huh?" he asked, looking up, not hearing her over his thoughts.

"We broke up too. Before I left. She said that she just didn't feel it, and I. . ." Willow blushed. "I like to drive stick. It's better."

Xander's eyebrow rose. "Damn, Wills, you'll be perfect for someone. Single, straight, yet you will fool around with a woman if need be. . .any guy would be thrilled to have you." < Me. Oh, my god, me. >

She blushed more. "Yea, whatever. I was in one of the most romantic cities in the world and I didn't get a single man even glance my way." She sighed somewhat sadly, looking away.

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