Over the past few months, it has been brought to my awareness that some people (who shall remaind nameless, Neil) Are under the opinion that the calrinet is better then the flute.

This, however, is incorrect

We (Lisa, Nicole, and I) Have compiled a list to settle the arguement.
Why the flute is better
1) Flutes have a unique structure. It’s the only instrument you play sideways, adding variety to the playing experience.
2) Flute is low maintenance. (ex, you don’t have to buy reeds with a flute.)
3) Flutes don’t squeak.
4) Flutes are smaller, yet can be louder then a lot of other instruments.
5) Flutes are more popular. If you ask a majority of clarinet players, some of them will say flute was their first choice but they got the clarinet because all the flute spots were full. 
6) Flute has a very unique sound, whereas clarinets sound like most other reed instruments
7) There would be no American pie jokes without the flute. (Like this one time, at band camp….)
8) Peter and the wolf would be a crappy story without the flute
9) Flutes are more romantic. They are in more love songs than clarinets.
10) Flutes get more solos and carry the tune more often than clarinets do.
11) Theoretical situation: You are stranded on a desert island with a flute and clarinet. You need fire to cook the fish you just caught. There are no trees. Which are you more likely to burn? While the flute may reflect the light and start the fire (making it multi-useful) the clarinet would make good fire wood. And what burns? Things that go to hell. (We are, of course, assuming it's a wooden clarinet, which brings us to our next point)
12) Clarinets are made of wood. Wood comes from trees. Trees are needed to sustain our ecosystem. With the increased around of trees being cut down, there is an increased amount of pollution and lack of habitat for certain species. If this trend is continued, clarinets can be linked to the destruction of the earth. (Shame on you all)
13) Flute players, even with the so-called lack of brain cells, obviously had enough brain-power to pick the flute in the first place; unlike some sections that obviously didn’t have much brain-power to begin with.
14) Silver is better then wood. It doesn’t slowly but surely destroy the earth like some instruments.
15) The piccolo has it’s own name, unlike certain kinds of clarinets
16) Evolution of instruments – Flutes go farther back in time, they have more history and are more well-known and, over the years, have had more time to be approved apon. While the clarinet is still a young instrument and has not yet evolved to it’s full potential (Which, sadly, is not much more)
17) Deep down, on some subconscious level, clarinet players are jealous of flute players.
18) Flutes can double-tongue
19)  Beavers are meant to have wood in their mouths. People aren’t.
20) Grass – the lowest, most common form of plants there could possibly be. (Clarinets = grass) Everything does not rely on the grass; everything evolves from the grass.
21) Flutes have a crisp sound. Clarinets sound like ducks caught under a moving car.
22) On the European translator, the flute was a word that was there; The clarinet was not.
23) More clarinets drop out of band. This is demonstrated by the fact that people are always looking for clarinet players, since no one likes the clarinet, players are hard to come by.
24) Flutes can do vibrato (As can the clarinets, but, they hardly ever do, probably because there’s no point in them even trying)
25) Flutes are easier on the fingers then clarinets. Pushing down buttons is less painful then having fingers over holes. The flute wants to be played. The clarinet, we believe, is trying to get the player to stop before more braincells decide to commit suicide.
26) More classical pieces are based on flutes (Ie, the flutes carry the main tune most of the time, and flute solos are featured more)
27) Flutes are more popular. If you were to walk up to a stranger on the street, who had no band experience, (s)he would probably be able to name the flute as a band instrument, and would probably not know what the clarinet is.
28) Clarinets – durable for a reason. Flutes are small and delicate because no one would ever dream of hurting one.
29) Flutes are easier to put together than clarinets.
30) F – fabulous, C – crappy
31) Clarinet players are violent (ie, NATHAN) <--- There's a story behind this one. I had a movie/pizza night at my house. I have a large area rug in my room, that Nathan happened to trip over. He seemed shocked that i had never tripped ove it so as i was standing on it he pulled it out from under me. Not fun.
32) Clarinets like to hit on flute players (Isn’t that right Nathan? ;)) <--- At that very same movie/pizza night, Nathan was hitting on Brianne, a flute player.
33) We believe Neil plays so many instruments because he can’t get the satisfaction from just his clarinet that we get from our flutes, so he has to componsate with 8 other instruments. 
34) The clarinet is pointing downwards, whereas the flute is pointed sideways. The sound in the flute travels to the audience, while the clarinet sound travel into the floor.
35) The Pied Piper played a flute.
36) ClariFlute – Step up for clarinet, step down for flute. <--- There's a story behind this one too. While messing about one day at Royals, it was discovered that a clarinet end peice fits perfectly unto a flute mouth peice.
37) Clarinets have a lower range, which makes it harder to hear them. (We’re fairly sure the lower range is there for a reason…)
38) Flutes are vital to the band. The clarinet can be replaced, as it sounds like most other reed instruments.
39) Ever heard of a serial killer that played the flute? Like, the serial flute killer? No, that’s because there are none.
40) Published writers play the flute <--- I came up with that one

And lastly

41) Even though we have a so-called “lack of brain-cells” We still managed to come up with this list. Go us.

~ Tiff, Lisa, Niki
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