Part III - Onward And Upward: The Rebuilding Of My Life (2000- 2005)

Updated August 23, 2006

After my release from jail, I lived with a friend for about 2 1/2 months, until she became overly controlling, which my fragile psyche could not handle at that time. I left and moved into the women's shelter system, where I lived, in various shelters, for almost 2 1/2 years.

The only things that workers in the shelter system are required to do is give you a bed to sleep in, food to eat and make sure that you take your medication on time, which must be locked up at all times, for everyone's safety. Nothing else!

In September of 2001, while living in the shelter system, I met my cousin Laura, whom I had not seen since my trip to Nova Scotia in 1979. As I have stated in Part I, Laura told me about my children down east in Nova Scotia.

In February of 2002, I met my daughter LeeAnn, also inside the shelter system. That was a weird experience, to say the least, for both of us. She told me that she and her half-sister, Tammy, had had seven children between them, over a period of about five years. One of those children, a grandchild that I would never have the opportunity to know, passed away previous to my meeting LeeAnn. Her twin brother, whose name I cannot remember, had also died, whether recently or several years before, I do not know. I have not seen LeeAnn since April of 2002.

In late December of 2002, I was moved arbitrarily to another shelter because of an incident with another transsexual person. She had been harassing myself and my girlfriend at that time, Anna, on a continuous basis since her arrival in the shelter, even though that is against the rules of both the shelter and the city, which governs the shelter system here.

The staff did absolutely nothing to stop this person from harassing us. Eventually, it got to the point where we almost attacked each other. This incident occurred on Christmas Day.

I was thrown out of the hostel two days later. She was allowed to stay several days longer than I was because no shelter wanted to take her immediately due to her extensive history of abusing others in the shelter system.

I was moved to the Scarborough Hope shelter, which is run by a group of fundamental Christians. I immediately got into trouble with them for living as a female and was told that I could not do so while living there, even though the Hostel Standards Act states that a transsexual or transgendered person must be sent to a shelter suitable to their gender of choice.

I have, while living in the shelter system, seen many trans women involved in the sex trade, all of whom appeared to be addicted to one kind of drug or another. They would make several hundred dollars, then come back to the shelter with only two dollars in their pockets and brag about how much money they had made the night before.

Because I would not become a prostitute and I did not have an addiction or substance abuse problem, I was considered an oddball in the shelter system. If one of the other trans women did something wrong, they would get a scolding and a slap on the wrist, so to speak. If I then did the exact same thing, I would receive a severe tongue-lashing and often be moved to another shelter. (Even though the abuse in the shelter system was verbal instead of physical, the two prior thoughts expressed here have caused me to have a flashback of the constant physical abuse by Dr. Scott during my adoption years, when I was treated differently than the other children were as a result of doing something wrong.) This caused me to experience a great deal of frustration because I didn't seem to fit in anywhere, either as a trans woman or as a woman.

In mid-May of 2003, I left the shelter system and lived on the streets for about five months. I could not live as a female at this time because of a lack of both finances and personal privacy. During my stay at the Scarborough Hope shelter and my time spent living on the streets, my relationship with my girlfriend, Anna, deteriorated steadily, until we broke up in early October of that year.

When I finally found somewhere to live, in late October of 2003, my financial situation continued to make it difficult for me to live as a female.

Even though I have been on full disability (now known as the Ontario Disability Support Program or ODSP) since the end of October, 2004, my situation hasn't really changed due to some nasty but minor problems. One of these medical problems was resolved in late November of 2004, other ones come and go from time to time, i.e., lactose intolerance.

I have not changed my legal name for one reason. Because of the present system re name changes here in Ontario, (insofar as I know), if I change my name now, I would have to pay the same amount again after proving that I had undergone sexual reassignment surgery, just to change the sexual designation on my ID from M to F. (If I am wrong about this, please let me know by using the email link near the top of the page.)

As I told you earlier in this autobiographical story, I have nine living children (two here in Ontario and seven in Nova Scotia); I also have seven living grandchildren (six here in Ontario and one in Nova Scotia). I have not, at this time, met any of my grandchildren; the eldest one turned ten years old on May 13, 2005. If you have followed everything, as I described it in Part I, all of my children were conceived (and all but two were born) previous to my arrival at Craigwood in September of 1981.

I am slowly trying to put my life back together. At the Ontario New Democratic Party convention in Hamilton (November 19 - 21, 2004), I became the Membership Secretary for the LGBT Committee.

I am hoping to be able to assist with Pride events in the Toronto area this year and, I hope, for many, many years to come (groan).

In late May of 2005, I resigned as the Membership Secretary of the ONDP LGBT Committee because of my growing involvement with Egale Canada, which has, since that time, come to an end due to disrespect from people with whom I was supposed to be working. (See Part IV for more details.)

I am also involving myself with the issue of Ontario Works/Ontario Disability Support Program or OW/ODSP recipients and their ability to obtain and keep special benefits such as the Special Diet, the Employment Supports program, Medical Transportation, etc.

It's not easy, but by becoming an activist, I am fighting, on a daily basis, step by step, to rebuild my sense of confidence and self-esteem.

My progress, so far, has been due, in large part, to a worker at the Elizabeth Fry office here in downtown Toronto. Without her efforts on my behalf and her willingness to listen, I would not be as well-adjusted and strong, in an emotional sense, as I have become. It has been worth every minute of effort on both sides. Thank you, Elizabeth, for your undaunting decency and all the help that you have given me along the rough road to recovery. I will always remember you.

I hope that this helps you to understand me a little better. A lot of what I have written here may seem to be utterly ludicrous, but it is all true. My experiences in life are amazing enough to me, let alone everyone else, yet I savour every one, good and bad alike, because they are and always will be a part of my life.

Part IV - Branching Out: Finding My Own Paths (Mid-2005 To The Present)