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| Here are a few of my fave JoKes: As well as some other things that just struck me as funny: |
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| Buh Bye~ |
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| The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the mans home number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a child the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes" came the answer. "May I talk with him?" the boss asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No. Wanting to talk to an adult he asked, "Is your mommy there?" "Yes" whispered the small voice. "May I talk with her?" Again the voice whispered "No". Knowing that it was not likely that the child would be left home alone the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person watching over the child. "Is anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes, whispered the child, "a policeman". Wondering what a cop was doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he is busy" whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman" came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and a bit worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the phone the boss then asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper" whispered the voice. The boss now alarmed, "What is going on there?" In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper" Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss askes, "Why are they all there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me." |
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| George Carlin's Theory of Life "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at teh end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. you get kicked out when you are too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work 40 years until you are young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb and spend your last 9 months floating ... and you finish off as an orgasm." |
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| Rearrange the letters = get the alternitive DORMITORY = Dirty Room EVELANGIST = Evils Agent DESPERATION = A Rope Ends It THE MORSE CODE = Here Comes Dots SLOT MACHIENES = Cash Lost In Em ANIMOSITY = Is No Amnity SNOOZE ALARMS = Alas! No More Z's A DECIMAL POINT = I'm A Dot In Place THE EARTHQUAKES = That Queer Shake ELEVEN PLUS TWO = Twelve Plus One |
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| After creating heaven & earth, God created Adam & Eve. The first thing he said was "Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve ... we have forbidden fruit?" "No Way!" "Yes Way!" "Do not eat the forbidden fruit!" said God. "But why?" they asked. "Because I am your father and I said so!" God replied. (wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants). A few minutes later, God saw his childeren having an apple break and he was ticked! "Didn't I tell you NOT to eat the fruit?" God as the first parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" asked the father. "I don't know," said Eve. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!" Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have childeren of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. Don't be too hard on yourself, if God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? |
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