| I'm Erica, I'm 15 years old. I live in Louisiana. My life hasn't been the best life, yet I don't think I've had the worst either. My parents divorced when I was 9 months old. My father was and is doing drugs, as well as drinking. He also abused my mother. When I was 2 years old my mother married Jerry. He was a heavy drinker. He beat me, along with other things. I still have many scars from what he's done to me... one on my hand that cripples my thumb. My mother and he divorced when I was about 8 years old. By this time I've moved about 6 times, by moving so much and a lack of trust in anyone I discluded myself from everyone around me. I met my real father at the age of about 10, I've seen him 5 times now. This is the point where I moved yet again and meet some friends. This is also the age where drugs start becoming a problem. Everyone in this little town seemed to be doing drugs from the age of 7 to 25. I didn't start till later because I was pretty well at saying no. At the age of 10 I did take the drugs, the beer, and the cigs. I didn't stop till November 5th or 1999. The only reason I stopped was because I was caught in school, then expelled. I wasted an entire year of my life because I wanted to fit in and forget my past. By this time in 1999, I had moved a total of 10 times. My mother also dated more guys like my father and step father, Joy. Once I stopped doing the drugs and whatnot, feelings of depression came on me like nothing I had ever felt before. When I looked around me, all my old friends stopped hanging around me because I quit doing their thing and all my other friends didn't seem like friends at all. I felt so alone. I started to cut myself, not to get attention, but to try to stop the pain inside my heart. I hated myself, I hated the things I had done and the things that had been done to me. My aunt died December 11th 2000, she was like a mother to me. My friend Renee also died Feb. 2, 2001.... this was the day my aunt would have been 94 years old. With those things, I'd use them as an excuse to cut deeper and more often, to the point of almost dieing many different times. Once someone took the time out to see what I was doing to myself... I was kind of scared... why would someone care? This guy never really knew me before, but once he saw how bad I was hurting inside, he did everything in his power to get me to stop. He'd call me just to check up on me, he'd take me to the mall just to talk. He even made a deal with me, he'd stop smoking if I stopped cutting. I agreed, but ended up cutting about 3 days later. I saw how bad I had hurt him and I was determined to stop. I hated to see others hurt... I told him to do the deal again. I haven't cut since the end of April. I've found new ways to help with the depression I still feel today. Now, in 2001, I've moved a total of 14 times, give or take a few. By being in this group, TeenPointOfView, it helps a lot. There are many other kids feeling the same way I do and we are able to really open up about how we feel. We'd like you to join... we aren't perfect, we have problems too... as you read on you'll see so many other teens going through so many different problems... we are all the same, we all need help, we all need love. |
