Welcome to Montana: The Top Secret Files

Hello.  I am the leader of the Invasion Forces from Planet Sczylczyx.  We have no vowels on our planet, and have come to steal yours.  Resistance is futile!!!  Bwahahaha!  Oh, um, sorry, I forgot.  That's supposed to be a secret!  I own the entire third moon of Sczylczyx, the lake of Brxmthln, and twelve of the Hawaiian islands.  (This is the base of our vowel-exporting system.  Shhh!)  I tower over my followers at a strapping one meter, nine millimeters.  I am a red-eyed, gray-haired female, appearing not unlike a _Canis_latrans_.  My hobbies include breeding lyretail guppies, professional sports, midwifery, and batik crafts.    My family held parts of Poland and Czechoslovakia until three generations ago, when they renounced all lands and titles to become religious hermits in the Hchfthxn fens.  I however, was nominated to rejoin society and barter for their supplies.  Unfortunately, they all died of malaria shortly thereafter, leaving me to find a new trade.  After a brief but bloody revolution, I took control of the Sczylczyx government, and began to consolidate my powers.  This was when, drawing on the trading skills I had learned in the fens, I decided that it was time to exploit Earth's vowels.

Quote of the day: "It's not as funny with an empty bladder." -Hezechaia Von Trappenschilft

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times, probably by the same two people.

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