He knocked aside the gai?shain holding his wine-cup.
He made a big bolt of lightning and shot Aviendha
Then minced up Min like a frog in a blender.
With fire and saidin he made a big flaming sword
That on Elayne's neck quickly scorched and scored,
And he yelled to the court as her head hit the ground -
'Bugger Tar'mon Gaidon - I'm not waiting round!'
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was sick of gettin' gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain
The night al?Thor went insane.
I guess he just wasn't on guard -
Lews Therin took over his brain.
He got it with balefire along with Mat and Zarine.
He ran into the street to find lots of veiled Aiel,
So he blasted them all and the Tairens as well.
He opened a gateway to his Black Tower school,
Killed the students with ice shards, that was pretty cruel.
He finally gave in to Lews Therin's refrain
By catching and butchering Taim and Logain.
The night the Dragon went nuts,
Now you can?t hardly walk round a stedding
Without stepping in Ogier guts.
The Grey Men abound and Dragkhars circling round in the sky;
And the Trollocs are rising and the balefire is flying
And everyone?s dying to know, why, Rand, oh why?
My my my my my my. You used to be such a noble guy.
While Myrdraal came streaming all over the border.
Rhuarc and the Clan Chiefs perished quite fast,
And Perrin Aybara and Nynaeve didn't last.
Rand knocked out one by one all of the Forsaken,
Semirhage, Graendal, Sammael and Moghedien.
Egwene and Gawyn didn't even get one last kiss
Before Rand killed them as the new Nae?blis.
The night the Car'a'carn swapped,
Decided to be on the Dark's side -
The madness just couldn't be stopped.
Rand's still on the loose with his mind death-bended.
He slashed up the Whitecloaks and moved to the Tinkers
(None of whom defended - they weren't brilliant thinkers).
When thirteen Red sisters tried to surround him -
He watched and laughed as his Water weave drowned them.
The Seafolk are scattered and Cairhienin all dead -
One would think all this killing would go to his head!
The night the Coramoor flipped,
Became best pals with the Dark One -
His rigid self-control just slipped.
Wo, the night Rand went crazy,
The night al'Thor went insane,
I guess he just wasn?t on guard -
Lews Therin took over his brain.
Yeah saidin's madness took over his brain.
I tell ya, Lews Therin took over.... his brain
The Geology was OK but the Calculus was hell
And one day before the assignment due to hand in
From my math problems I leaped as if stuck by a pin
I grabbed the text book and I ripped it in tatters,
Then I swung my school bag and the cabinet shattered.
I grabbed all the rocks and threw them down the stairs,
Then followed them up with a few of the chairs.
The day something snapped inside,
Took a bit too much math homework,
Realised I was a Jekyll & Hyde.
In the technician's face, which produced catatonia,
Found some heavy hydrocarbons and a lighter about
I mixed them up, lit them and then I ran out.
I found the fire hoses and tangled the cables,
And switched the sprinkler system onto 'disable'
I ran over the road into Dept. of Fine Arts
And came out again scattering statue parts.
The day Miss Nerdy went nuts,
Soon you won't be able to walk round Uni
Without stepping in someone's guts.
Through the English Department, the theatre, and backstage.
I ran over to Physics and surprised all the tutors
Pretended I had a gun, they begged 'Please don't shoot us!'
I ran up to Shadows - at first there were sneers,
But I downed several wines and then six or so beers,
My mind felt a bit hazy, I guess you know why,
So I jumped out the window, trying to fly!
The day 4-Eyes went crash,
Jumped out of a 4th floor window
My life passed before me in a flash.
There's a van from the TV One News
and a hospital copter coming in from the East,
And the Chem building's smoking and I'm lying here broken
And my friends are all hoping to know, Why RJ why?
My my my my my my.
It looked as if I could die.
(I always knew drinking would end in a fright)
I pleaded insanity and got out of prison
They've shoved me into a mental institution
It's actually quite nice in this small padded cell
Mostly because they've drugged me up well
And I hear Mum and Dad on the phone every eve
With the mental hospital and the police.
The day Rhiannon just flipped
Broke my back over Maths homework
I guess I was sick and tired of getting gypped.
The day RJ went insane
Realised I was getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in my brain.
Tell ya - something finally must have snapped in my brain.
When Kels thought her sadism was being ignored
She sprang into action, stood up with a shout,
Reached into her bag and pulled a scythe out.
(When interviewed later, a pupil said with a gag,
So that was the weird handle sticking out of her bag!)
All the kids in the class, as she ran out the door,
Heard Kelly yell 'Let the bodies hit the floor!'
The day Bongo went insane,
Felt she didn't see enough bloodshed,
Something finally must have snapped in her brain.
Kelly got her revenge on the Library Demon.
Bloody books ripped and scattered, the magazines trashed,
The shelving all broken and the computers all smashed.
She tied up her classmated and held them to ransom
(Although she spared Sam cause she thought he?s handsome)
She paid a call to the principal, who looked like a turkey,
She cooked him on a slow fire, till he looked like beef jerky.
The day the Disemboweller went nuts,
Now you can't hardly walk round college
Without stepping in Louisa's guts.
Who were sitting and gabbling like the Brady?s,
Well not any more now there heads?re on the floor
And Kelly's again storming out of the door
In the English Department Room 7 drama class
She found a hooded black cloak that really kicked ass
And Kelly, as Death, really looking the role,
With her blood-covered scythe, carried on down the hall.
The day Broomhall blew up,
Anyone viewing that scene of carnage
Inevitably threw up.
There's a van from the TV3 News
and TV1 helicopters circling round in the sky,
And the scythe is flying and the body count's rising
And everyone's dying to know, why Kelly why?
My my my my my my.
I think you had too much mushroom pie.
In a mental institution for her infamous crime
Hey don't worry mates she'll be out pretty soon
She's digging a hole in the floor with a spoon
To put them off guard, and when the guards sneer
She can jump them and ram a fork in their ear!
And Naeramarth's in her dreams every night
Negotiating her break-out at dawn's first light!
The day Kels went round the twist
Something really got her messed up
Or maybe she was just pissed.
The day my pal went insane
Got her scythe nice and blood covered
Something finally must have snapped in her brain.
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped in her brain.
A teacher came past and Jessie suddenly went punch
And while the teacher was holding his gut
She hopped round behind and kicked the guy?s butt
And the kids eating lunch got a bit of a shock
When she brained another teacher with a well-aimed rock.
And she manaiacally laughed with a glint in her eye,
'I'm fed up with school - now you?'e all gonna die!'
The day that Jess went insane,
Set Boris's afro wig on fire,
Something finally must have snapped in her brain.
After Jessie set a fire in the chemicals room.
But Bob wasn't around, so with an evil frown
She went to the staffroom to hunt the guy down.
From her baggy school pants she drew out a large sword
With it no longer hidden, she marched quickly forward
Trotted up the stairs and opened the door-
And soon Mr Uhe was spread over the floor.
The day Jess Fireball went nuts,
Now you can't hardly walk round the staffroom
Without stepping on teachers' guts.
Ran up behind and gave her a boot 'Eeeee!'
The tyre lady screamed as she rolled over the grass
From the resounding kick on her flabby round ass.
Jess arrived in the Art room and scared'em half to death
She had her sword in her hand and blood on its sheath.
As Miss Parcell?s head rolled across the blood-covered floor
The screaming kids ran out but jammed in the door.
The day that Firedraug burned,
On seeing the resultant blood-bath
Even the cops' stomachs churned.
There's a van from the TV3 News
and TV One helicopters circling round in the sky,
And the blood is flying and the body count's rising
And everyone's dying to know, why Jessie why?
My my my my my my.
I see a dragon way up in the sky.
In a mental institution for her infamous crime
And the kids are in therapy - most are still nervous,
The remaining teachers left the community service.
Don't worry Jess'll be out in no time at all
She's working at magically sapping the wall.
And Sagr and the gang are on the phone at first light
To Jess negotiating the break-out tonight!
The day that JFL flipped
Broke the backs of some crutty teachers
Sounds to me like she was tired of getting gypped.
The day that Jess went insane
Realised she was getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain.
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped in her brain