JC sniffled a little and watched Nick from the kitchen. He sighed sadly and grabbed a mug of the fresh tea he had just made and walked over to him. "Here babe. Drink this." He said softly, sitting next to him.
Turning to look at JC, he shook his head. "No thanks."
JC sighed again, "You haven't ate or drank anything for days now Nicky, at least drink this."
Nick took the mug and took a sip of it before putting it down on the coffee table. "There...happy?" He knew he was being a pain in the ass. JC was only trying to help, but he didn't feel like being helped.
JC looked at Nick's bruised face, tears filling his eyes again for the millionth time that day. He nodded and stood up, "If you want anything... you know where to find me." He said, walking out of the living room and over to his room. Ever since Justin died, Nick has been staying with JC, and probably will be staying there since it was too hard for Nick to go back to the house.
Nick watched JC walk to his room and sighed. He couldn't seem to get himself out of the funk he was in. He shouldn't even be upset Justin was gone; he fucking beat him up didn't he? Sure, that's what had happened but Nick still loved him. Taking a deep breath he got up to follow JC. Knocking on his bedroom door he waited.
JC wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, before telling Nick to come in. He had to be strong for Nick. He couldn't let him see how he was hurting inside. He needed to be there for him.
Nick poked his head in the door. "Can an asshole come in?
"You're not an asshole Nick, and I don't want you to say shit like that about yourself." JC said gently, but firmly.
Shrugging Nick walked into the room. "You've just been trying to help me over the last few days, and I’ve been nothing but mean to you. Why are you still letting me stay here?
JC rolled his eyes, "Maybe cuz I understand you and love you? Come here." He said, patting next to him on the bed.
Nick walked over to the bed and climbed onto it. Scooting so his back was against the headboard. "I still can't believe all this actually happened, I mean everything was fine and then bang."
JC looked at Nick, wanting, dying to say that everything wasn't fine, but knew now wasn't the time. He nodded, "Yea," He muttered, resting his head against Nick's shoulder, "It's weird that he's not here."
Nick rested his head on top of Jock’s and sighed. "You miss him as much as I do, don't you?"
JC nodded, staring straight ahead, "I've known him since I was a kid." He said, hiding the tears falling from his eyes.
Moving away from JC a little bit he turned the older man's head to look at him. "You're allowed to cry in front of me ya know. It's not going to make me fall apart to see you grieving the loss of your best friend." he said, reaching out to run his fingers through JC's hair.
JC looked at Nick, "He was an asshole." He said, shrugging, "He doesn't deserve my tears." He said harshly, getting out of bed. He knew how Justin hurt Nick all the time, and how he was messing around with other people even though Nick didn't know. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, knowing Nick was just going to deny that.
Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Asshole or not, you're allowed to miss him. I miss him, and that says something right?" he asked, finally not in the mood to cover up what had been going on. He had a feeling JC already figured out what was going on a long time ago. Out of all of Justin's friends JC was the one was the closest to. They had become very good friends the last few years. If he couldn’t confide in JC, who could he confide in?
JC walked to the bathroom and choked back a sob. He hated this. Hated everything that was going on. Justin didn't deserve to die. No, he knew that, and he would never ever want to wish that on somebody, then why was he feeling a little relief for Nick that Justin was gone?
Nick followed JC and stopped to stand in the doorway. "Wanna talk about it?"
JC shook his head, "Go get some sleep." he said gently, "You haven't slept in days."
"What makes you think I can sleep now?" Nick asked, being stubborn. "You've been trying to get me to open up for days, and now you won’t do it yourself...being a hypocrite doesn't suit you Josh."
"Nick... please." JC whispered, "I have nothing to talk about. Not now.... not ever."
"Okay, whatever." Nick said, glaring at JC before turning around and walking back into the bedroom.
JC sighed, wanting to follow Nick, but knowing not to. He really couldn't talk to Nick, or anybody else for that matter, about Justin. He stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot red and a little swollen. He took the tie he was wearing off, along with the white dress shirt.
Nick didn't know why but he couldn't get himself to leave JC's bedroom. Instead he walked over to a chair he had sitting by the window and sat in it. Drawing his legs to his chest he finally let the tears fall. It had been days since he had cried. He didn't understand why this happened. Sure, Justin hadn't been the man of his dreams for a long time, but he didn't want him to die.
JC stripped all the way and turned the hot water on. He sobbed quietly as he slipped in the shower, wanting to wash his tearstained face.
Nick continued to sob into his hands. He didn't understand any of this. "God Justin, why did you have to do this? I need you, why did you have to go?" he sobbed.
JC stayed in the hot water, finally letting himself cry. He sobbed, leaning against the wall, the hot water burning his skin.
After a few minutes of crying and silent prayers, Nick couldn’t stand being there by himself anymore. Getting up out of the chair he walked over to the bathroom. He could hear the shower running, but opened the door anyway. Stepping into the steamy room he took a seat on the toilet seat. Just looking at the hazy shower door, not sure why but he felt more at peace now that he wasn't sitting alone
JC's body started shaking hard as he let himself cry. He collapsed on the floor and hugged himself.
Nick wasn't sure but he had a feeling JC was crying in the shower. Taking a deep breath he stripped out of his own clothes and slowly stepped into the burning water. "Shit Jace, trying to scald yourself?" he asked as he sat down on the floor, pulling sobbing man into his arms.
JC jumped a little, not expecting Nick to be there. After a few attempts of trying to go away, he finally let himself go and cried in Nick's arms.
Nick held JC in his arms and let him cry. "Shh...It’s all right Josh. Don't think about it anymore." he whispered in his ear.
JC tried to stop but couldn't. "I'm so... Sorr... ry I can't."
Nick continued to hold JC, trying to keep his own emotions at bay. "Then just let it all out...its okay to cry."
JC held Nick and continued crying. "I'm sorry," he cried, "I have to be strong... For you."
"Who says? He may have been my boyfriend, but he was your best friend. In a way you should be more upset then I am. You've known him longer." Nick tried to explain, even though what he was saying didn't make much sense.
The water was turning cold already, but JC didn't care. "You loved him in ways that I'll never will, so don't tell I should be more upset."
Feeling the water getting cold, Nick stood up and pulled JC to his feet. "Come on, we don't need to get sick on top of everything else." he said, trying to be strong, when he himself felt like falling apart.
JC nodded and got up, "I need sleep." He muttered, right when the phone rang. JC turned off the water, "Can you please answer that?"
Nick nodded and walked into the bedroom and picked up the phone off of the nightstand. "Hello?"
Justin took a deep breath and closed his eyes when he heard Nick's voice. "Nick...” He whispered his voice very audible.
Nick got a confused look on his face as he heard the voice on the other end of the phone. It sounded a lot like Justin, but yet it wasn't, it couldn’t be. "This is he...”
"I... oh Nick." Justin whispered again, his drawl even more obvious this time.
JC walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. "Who is it?"
Nick had tears forming in his eyes. "W...who...is this?" he asked, his voice breaking.
Just then, Justin hung up, trying hard not to cry.
JC looked at Nick, "What's... what's wrong? Who was that?"
Nick looked at JC and shook his head. "No...Nobody...wrong number."
JC looked at Nick weird then nodded, dropping it. "Ok... let's get some sleep... it's late."
Nodding, Nick headed for the door. "Goodnight Jace."
"Night." JC whispered, taking the towel off and sliding in his bed, feeling even lonelier than he ever had.
Nick was halfway down the hall when he figured out he didn’t think he would ever be able to sleep alone. After the phone call he just had he never would be able to sleep. Walking back to JC's room he opened it slowly. "C...can I sleep in here?" he asked, sounding a lot like a little kid, who had a bad dream.
JC looked at Nick and smiled a little nodding, "Of course... come in."
Nick padded his way into the room and climbed onto the bed, still only wearing his towel. Resting his head on the extra pillow he let out a deep sigh as he looked up at the ceiling.
JC turned over and scooted against Nick, snuggling with him. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Nick said as he rested his head on JC's chest, his eyes still not closing.
JC kissed Nick's head gently, and closed his eyes.
Nick couldn't get himself to relax enough to fall asleep. His mind still going over the phone call. He couldn't help but wonder who the person was that sounded so much like Justin. Sure the voice was deeper, but the accent was the same and the way he worded things were the same. The whole thing was driving him insane. "I probably am." he whispered.
"Hmm? What's that?" JC asked softly, opening his eyes.
Nick hadn't noticed he said that out loud, so was shocked to hear JC asking him a question. "What? Oh, nothing, talking to myself."
"Wanna talk about it?" JC asked softly.
Thinking for a second, Nick sighed. "You're going to think I’ve lost my mind. Hell, I think I’ve lost my mind."
"Try me." JC said softly, shifting a little.
"The guy on the phone earlier...he sounded just like Justin would if his voice was a little deeper. The southern drawl was perfect. You know just as well as I do nobody sounds exactly like Justin." Nick pointed out.
JC smiled a little, "It's just that you miss him so much, so you're hearing things... its normal... but it's not him."
Nick sighed. "Told you that you would think I was insane." He turned to look at the wall as tears came to his eyes again. He knew what he heard, but he wasn’t exactly sure what that was.
"Hey.. I didn't say you were crazy." JC said gently, "I never said that."
"I feel like I am. I feel like I’m going crazy, Josh. All I want is for him to come back; I miss him so damn much." Nick said, as tears fell down his cheeks.
JC lifted Nick's head so he could look at him. He leaned down and kissed him softly, "Everything happens for a reason baby. God knows what he's doing."
Nick snuggled up to JC even more. "How can Justin going away be right...I need him...I feel like part of me is missing. A part that I’m never going to get back."
JC sighed, "I know how you're feeling baby, but we have to trust God."
"Fuck God, I want Justin back!" Nick exclaimed, tears screaming down his cheeks now.
JC wrapped his arms round Nick tighter, "It's gonna be ok... everything's gonna be ok." He cried softly, trying to convince himself.
Nick cried for what seemed like forever until he was completely exhausted. With his head resting on JC's chest he fell into a restless sleep.
JC continued crying quietly, praying to God that everything will eventually get better. He kissed Nick again softly, and closed his eyes, trying to sleep.
