Strangely, our first message comes from none other than Ape-Girl herself.
Subject: Re: picture
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 1996 23:01:14 -0400
From: Laura
To: brianhalli@sisna.com
oh okay. you shit head.. don't even think about finding a picture of me and putting it on the internet. (although I bet you would get alot of responses about what a mean brother you are.
Laura
She's starting to remind me of that insect that typed poetry. You know, the one
that never used capital letters? But it seems that Ape-Girl is also incapable of using closing parentheses. Hmmm, must not be the same insect.
Anyway, rest assured, the MOMENT I find a print
of a picture suitable for posting, it shall be done. I have a crack staff of
researchers on the case right now (namely, Mom and Dad). You too, shall experience the horror....
the horror.......
Our next message comes from a kindred soul.
Subject: Hmmm....
Date: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 21:02:46 -0600
From: Brett
To: brianhalli@sisna.com
I don't know if I've got what it takes to be included in your links but if
you are really bored and not busy with hair dye, check it out.
Say hi to Ape Girl for me.
zbrett@ziplink.net
zbrett@aol.com
Visit Brett's Web O' Sarcasm. It sucks.
http://www.ziplink.net/~zbrett/
Note: I did add the editorial comment in the next to last line.
Brett, Brett, Brett... Self loathing does not equate to Sarcasm. However, your web page is right on track, and as such, you are forgiven. Keep writing, and enroll in an EST class, for God's sake!!
Subject: Ape girl
From: adam neil
To: brianhalli@sisna.com
This is in response to your comment about "ape girl". I think she is proboly a very attractive person. Why not put up a picture of her now, along with a picture as a child. We all know that childhood pictures are horrible. I would like to meet her. I bet she is a really nice person too. I bet she missy you mooch.
Well, Adam. I think you two would make a good pair, judging from your grammar skills. If I thought that an everyday SVGA monitor could take the punishment, I would put both up. Now shut up, and leave me alone.
Looky here! Another letter from adam neil!!
Subject: Ape girl
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 1996 14:31:10 -0800
From: adam neil
To: brianhalli@sisna.com
Shut-up? Now now Mr cynical calm down.. I was just saying what a
wonderful little sister you have. And a beutiful one at that. So tell
me, when exactly do you plan on getting a picture of her. I dont think
you can. I think you are all talk.
So now, you shut up and leave me alone.
P.S. I am a complete idiot, and you are GODLIKE!!! I love you, and wish that
you would return my affections!
Love,
adam neil
First off, after reading your little message, I was forced to give you
a C- for bad spelling and poor idea organization. You can do better.
If you must know, Mr. Cynical is flying to his parents' home early in January.
The picture will be online by February 14, just in time for Valentine's day!
Remember to check out Ape-Girl's Boudoir of Love for the latest fan mail.
Second, Sorry Adam, I'm spoken for. By a girl. Too bad, fruity-ass.
Finally, Adam, isn't it great to have the power to edit? Oops! Forgot that
you don't know HTML. Sorry!
Mr. Cynical has spoken.
Check it out, another brat who digs Mr. Cynical.
Subject: Mr Apathetic Speaks!
Date: 7 Jan 1997 04:38:19 -0000
From: "Matt Konrad"
To: brianhalli@sisna.com
I don't care.
As Mr. Cynical's apathetic counterpart, I deem it necessary to tell you that if I cared, your page (in particular the Boogie Knights link) would be excellent.
Also (file this one under "love letters to Ape-Girl) I came very close to caring about your victimized and, I'm sure, lovely sister. In fact, the aforementioned embarrassing picture might just melt my uncaring, apathetic heart.
If you'd post this message and/or have you or Ape-Girl write me back, Mr Apathetic will be as close as it is possible for him to come to grateful.
Muchas Gracias,
Matt "Mr. Apathetic" Konrad
€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
To find out about some of the coolest people on the planet,
check out the SYLVAN SCHOLARS HOMEPAGE at...
http://www.oocities.org/Athens/6455/sylvan.html - thanks to Andy James!
€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lets see.....
Ape Girl is a Gemini, and she's 21 years old. Personally, I think
that she does such horrible stuff as line dancing to country music and
beating small kittens with extension cords, but those are pretty much
the same thing anyway.
If you feel that you can base a valuable relationship on those tidbits
of information, please get the nice men in the white suits to take you
back to the room with the soft walls.
Also, you're right. The Boogie Knights DO rule.
Mr. C Has Dropped The Science On Yo Ass.
Talk back to Mr. Cynical! But you'd better be polite, bub!
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adam neil has written unanswered love letters to Mr. Cynical.