MIND IF I SMOKE? *Striking match on loved one's forehead*
GREAT! NOW I GOTTA LEARN TO COOK? THANKS! REAL F#@KIN' CONSIDERATE!!
HOW MUCH DIDYA LEAVE ME?
BURN IN HELL, C#%KSUCKER.
WANNA TRADE PLACES?
THIS LIL' PIGGY WENT TO MARKET...
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE- NO WORK TOMORROW!
I'M GAY.
TELL JESUS I SAID "SUP?!?!" *Throwin' up gang signs*
*Impersonating Jimmy Durante* A CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA!
HEY, DID I EVER SHOW YOU THESE PHOTOS OF ME AND YOUR WIFE?... UM.. NEVER MIND.
PINELAWN?!? WHAT PINELAWN? IT'S POTTER'S FIELD FOR YOU, JACK!
YO QUIERO POST-FUNERAL BUFFET.
OH MY! WHAT A LOVELY SHADE OF GRAY!
IS THAT THE ONSET OF RIGORMORTIS OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME?
PULL MY FINGER.
YOUR CHIN MAKES THE GREATEST NUT-REST!
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE- YOU ALWAYS LIKED FLOWERS!
DAMN... WHO FARTED?
YOU WANT I SHOULD CANCEL THE PAPER?
COULDNT HAVE HAPPENED TO A BIGGER PRICK! TATA, DOUCHEBAG!
WHY YOU GOTTA PLAYAHATE FO'?
SAY.. WHAT COLOR THREAD YOU WANT FOR YOUR EYES?
*Breaking out into festive rendition of Blue Oyster Cult's 'Dont Fear The Reaper'*
AH, STOP YER BAWLIN'! YOU AINT THE ONE THAT GOTTA GET UP EARLY FOR THE WAKE TOMORROW!
URN... SHOEBOX... IT'S ALL THE SAME!
SHARING NEEDLES... NO GOOD!
HEY... YOU WEARIN' PANTIES? *Lifting up sheets*
WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, SCUMBAG? (Applies only to our readers)
IF I GET THIS BED FUMIGATED, I CAN SELL IT, NO?
*Applying massive wedgie* GOT YA LAST!
DOES IT HURT WHEN I DO THIS? *Gouge*
RIGHT THIS WAY, DR. KEVORKIAN...
IS IT COLD IN HERE, OR IS IT JUST ME?
WATCHING YOU SUFFER LIKE THIS... *Kissing fingertips* ...MAGNIFIQUE!
HAHA.. GOTCHA NOSE!
*Silent Treatment*
DO YA NEED THAT PILLOW? NO, IM JUST SAYIN.. MY BACK'S GETTIN A LIL' STIFF HERE...
*Borrowing oxygen mask* LUKE... I AM YOUR FATHER...
MIND IF I TURN OFF THIS HEART MONITOR? I'M TRYIN TO GET SOME SHUT-EYE!
SO MUCH FOR 'ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE', HUH?
*During last rites* A REASON TO DRINK! YAY DEATH!
HOMOSEZ WHAT?
WHAT GUY WITH A SICKLE? I DONT SEE NOTHIN'!!
YOU WANNA DONATE YOUR ORGANS? I GOT DIBS ON THE CASIO! *Rimshot*
*Checking watch* YOU GOT ABOUT 20 MINUTES- BALLOON ANIMALS, A PORN FLICK OR SHADOW PUPPETS?
*Banging elbow on hospital bed's guardrail* OWW! SUNAVABITCH!
KNOCK KNOCK! BANANA... KNOCK KNOCK! BANANA... KNOCK KNOCK... ORANGE... ORANGE YOU GLAD.... HEY! W-WAKE UP! AWWW MAN!
And our favorite....