CRIBBAGE GLOSSARY VERSION 1.31
ALL: What all respectable cribbage matches are played for. Lesser matches can be played for “most” or “some”. What do we mean by all? AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
(See “going for all”)
ANTI-CRIBBAGE: A variety of cribbage in which the goal of the game is to LOSE. The first person to reach 121 loses the game, making a “19 point hand” the most desirable instead of 29. Although games are longer, they can be quite fun. Alternate variants are possible, such as making the crib subtract points, etc.
(See “19 point hand”)
BENEVOLENT BENEFACTOR: Somebody who fictitiously donates vast quantities of cash to the cribbage cause. Rumored to have been the purchaser of the “Cribbage Copter”. Usage: “Laurance ‘Benevolent Benefactor’ Yap flew us to Halifax for the cribbage jamboree. Chiarff!”
(See “vast quantity of cash me”, “Cribbage Copter”, “chiarff”, “jamboree”)
CAR CRIBBAGE: A game of cribbage played in an automobile, between the driver and passenger. Can only be safely played when the car is stuck in a traffic jam, usually caused by a blizzard. The way to tell if the car is going slow enough to play is to lose a peg, then leave the car, turn on the internal lights, and search for the peg. If you are then able to easily get back into the car, car cribbage can be played. (This test is best done at a GREEN light). Must be preceded by the call “CAR CRIBBAGE” before playing.
CAUGHT IN THE TURF: When a player is about to go “galloping off into the sunset” but suddenly experiences a sudden, unexplainable dearth of points, allowing the other player to “storm into contention” or “squamp” into the lead.
(See “galloping off into the sunset”, “storming into contention”, “squamping”)
CHIARFF: Cribbage slang for no, or not. Often used after an erroneous cribbage related phrase is uttered. Usage: “Sixteen for two… Chiarff!!”.
CLASSIC DOUBLE RUN: A hand containing two runs of three cards, (e.g. 8-8-9-10) which scores for eight points.
(See “classic runs”)
CLASSIC DOUBLE RUN OF FOUR: A hand containing two runs of four cards (e.g. A-2-3-4-4) which scores for ten points.
(See “classic runs”)
CLASSIC DOUBLE SKIP RUN: A hand containing two “skip runs” of three cards (e.g. 6-6-8-10), which scores for two points. Usage: “classic double skip run for d’oh.”
(See “d'oh” and “classic skip runs”)
CLASSIC QUADRUPLE RUN: A hand containing four runs of three cards, (e.g. 8-8-9-9-10) which scores for sixteen points.
(See “classic runs”)
CLASSIC QUADRUPLE SKIP RUN: A hand containing four “skip runs” of three cards (e.g. 6-6-8-8-10), scores for four points. Usage: "D'oh, Fir!! Classic quadruple skip run!"
(See “classic skip runs”, “d’oh”, “Cribbage Inc. number system”)
CLASSIC RUNS: A set of useful terms invented by Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist in order to make hands easier and quicker to count. The scores do NOT count the fifteens which are often part of these runs. For example, 7-7-8-9 is twelve points, but the “classic double run” scores for only eight.
(See “classic double run”, “classic double run of four”, “classic triple run”, “classic quadruple run”)
CLASSIC SKIP RUNS: An abomination foisted upon cribbage élite by various crib-lebes. They do not really exist and only score points for the pairs that are incorporated within them. Usually counted by the player in frustration when they felt they deserved a good hand, they are also referred to as “presque poits”.
(See “classic double skip run”, “classic triple skip run”, “classic quadruple skip run”, “crib-lebe”, “presque”, “poit”)
CLASSIC TRIPLE RUN: A hand containing three runs of three cards (ex. 8-8-8-9-10) which scores for fifteen points.
(See “classic runs”)
CLASSIC TRIPLE SKIP RUN: A hand containing three “skip runs” of three cards (ex. 6-6-6-8-10) which scores for six points.
(See “classic skip runs”)
CORNER: When one is the first to peg 31, 61, or 91 one receives a “corner”. After a match, they are counted simply as a statistic with the results (ex. Dan beats Laurance 7 games to 3, and 23 corners to 7).
COUP: An incredible stroke of skill or luck, which has tremendously increased one’s fortunes. Does not necessarily have to relate to cribbage. Usage: “What a coup!!”
CRIBBAGE: The game of champions!! If you need more, you shouldn’t be reading this, but you should contact Cribbage Inc. immediately!!!!!!!
CRIBBAGE BOARD: A board with two or three tracks containing one hundred and twenty-one holes per track. It is used to keep score in a cribbage game. Although their is no set shape, most boards are rectangular, with the tracks making two 180 degree curves. A cribbage game does not actually need a board to be played (points can be scored on paper) but it is far easier to visualize the score, and thus plan strategy better with the board present.
(See “round the bend”)
CRIBBAGE COPTER: The famous helicopter that takes select cribbage élite to the sacred jamboree in Halifax. The copter’s location is guarded by a select few but is rumored to appear on the roof of Earl Haig every year in order to transport Cribbage Inc. According to legend, the Cribbage Copter was purchased by the “Benevolent Benefactor” but the true facts are steeped in mystery.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “jamboree”, “benevolent benefactor”, “Earl Haig”)
CRIBBAGE INC.: The most influential and powerful cribbage club in the western hemisphere. Founded in 1992 by Robance Goldner at Earl Haig Secondary School, North York, Ontario, Canada. Cribbage Inc. has spread to the university level and beyond. It is open to all who profess a desire to play cribbage (global aspirations are a help…) and has been a major force in popularizing cribbage throughout the world. For the past six years (1992-97), Cribbage Inc. have been the Cribbage Jamboree champions.
(See “jamboree”, “Robance Goldner”, “Earl Haig”)
CRIBBAGE INC. NUMBER SYSTEM: In order to count hands more efficiently (and to add fun to the game) numbers have certain subtle pronunciations that normal people often find strange, amusing, or just plain nuts. The most used number is “d’oh” (two) but there is also “thir” (three), “fir” (four), “fiv” (five), “sayvohn” (seven), “nin” (nine, also “narf”), and “twarf” (twelve).
(See “d’oh”, “dorf”, “narf”)
CRIB-BRIDGE: A game invented by Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist at the behest of Soroosh “Eigen Man” Yazdani. The game incorporates the rules of bridge and cribbage, but was a disappointing failure.
CRIB-LEBE: An expression created by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird to describe a book-learned cribbage amateur without any practical experience (Or someone who does not share the same interpretation of cribbage that he does!!). Usually used when one is extremely inebriated.
DAN’S GRAMP: Buyer of VAST quantities of apple juice, salmon, and grapefruits. Coined such phrases as “Slowly, slowly, and that’s it!!” (said with heavy Yiddish accent).
DEEP THOUGHTS: A list of quotations from the great visionary Herman the Cactus. This work can usually be found at the end of his other work “Thorns and Sand” (ex. “Never smile at an octopus, or any other large sea mollusk.”).
(See “Herman the Cactus”, “Thorns and Sand”)
DILEMMA: When one is uncertain what cards to discard/play, one is in a “dilemma”. Although they happen to everyone, if a player is not decisive, he/she will be ridiculed as a “phlegmwad”.
D'OH: Two, or a two point hand. Usage: “fifteen for d'oh.” A four point hand would be “d’oh, fir!!”.
Can also be an exclamation, much like “narf”.
(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”, “narf”)
DORF: An exclamation made by cribbage players belonging to Cribbage Inc. Believed to be a cross between “narf” and “d’oh” it was first heard by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird being said by Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist (ex. “Narf!! Zort!! Dorf!! DORF?!? Ahhhh, DORF!!).
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “d’oh”, “narf”)
DORFMEISTER: An electronics store in Vienna, Austria. Also the nickname of Heather “Dorfmeister” Chan. Its literal meaning is “Mistress of Dorf”, whatever that is.
DRAGON FLUSH: A “flush” but the cards, instead of being the same suit, are the same colour. Scores for zero points but is often used in order to cheat when one’s opponent isn’t paying close attention. Also qualifies as “presque poits” or “presque flush”.
(See “presque”, “poit”, “flush”, “full house flush”)
DUTCH POKE: A foolhardy method of cutting a deck of cards invented by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, it involves poking the middle of the deck and replacing it at the top.
EARL HAIG: The secondary school in North York, Ontario, Canada that hosted Cribbage Inc. for four years. The “Senior Cafeteria” was the headquarters of this illustrious club.
(See “Senior Cafeteria”, “Cribbage Inc.”)
EDGAR Y. K. LAU: The true owner of Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird’s calculator. In order to distract or annoy Rob, all one must say is “Who is Edgar Y. K. Lau?”, and he will go raving mad. A ploy chiefly used by Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist.
EMBEDDED DEEPLY IN THE PART: A phrase meant to fool someone into believing an object is caught in their hair. Usually implies that the speaker has thrown that object there in the first place. Can irritate or cause madness in various cribbers. Known to be most effective against Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap (especially in Raudsepp’s grade ten French!!). Is usually followed by a “frappe”.
(See “benevolent benefactor”, “frappe”, “Raudsepp”)
ES-TU DINGUE: French for “are you crazy”. Uttered by cribbers after someone has done a foolhardy thing (such as “going for all”).
(See “going for all”)
FLUSH: When, in one’s hand, one has either four or five cards of the same suit, which scores for either four or five points. However, when in one’s crib, the four cards MUST all be in the crib, the starter card can’t count as part of a four point flush; a five point flush CAN still be counted in the crib. These rules are slightly at odds with conventional Cribbage lore, but Cribbage Inc. has found them more conducive to competitive cribbage. After all, when in doubt, GO FLUSH!! (There are NO points awarded for “red flushes”, “black flushes”, or “full house flushes”!! These are abominations and do not qualify as real flushes.)
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “dragon flush”, “full house flush”)
FOOLHARDY PUNK: Someone who hast never beaten a double skunk!
FRANGLAIS: A mix between French and English, with English being dominant. Usually English words that have been slightly modified in order to make them sound classier. A prime example of Franglais is “poit”.
FRAPPE: French for “hit”. Usually done to Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist by Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap after Dan gets something “embedded deeply in the part” of Laurance.
(See “Embedded deeply in the part”)
FULL HOUSE: A hand that contains a pair royal and a pair (4-4-4-8-8) that scores for eight points. This term is used only by the basest of crib-lebes.
FULL HOUSE FLUSH: A “flush” that incorporates three cards of one suit and two cards of another suit. A “black/red full house flush” can also be claimed if one has three red cards and two black cards (or vice versa) in one’s hand. These are NOT real “flushes” and are even more of an abomination then “dragon flushes”. They score for ZERO points, and any person who claims one can expect to receive a “frappe” shortly.
(See “flush”, “dragon flush”, “frappe”)
GALLOPING OFF INTO THE SUNSET: When one is already leading the game, but pulls off a “mega hand o’ doom” to assure victory. Usage: “Dan gets twenty-four points and is now galloping off into the sunset, and aiming for a skunk.”
(See “mega hand o’ doom”, “skunk”)
GOING FOR ALL: When one makes a foolhardy discard to the crib hoping for a certain card cut in order to gain vast quantities of points, but leaving the original hand barren. Inevitably ends in disaster, a “d’oh” point hand, or suicide. Once in a blue moon, however, such a move will work and a great celebration is in order!!
(See “all”, “d’oh”)
HEELS (HIS HEELS): When the starter card is a jack, the dealer may claim “his heels”. Heels scores for two points.
HE WHO CUTS, PLAYS FIRST: A phrase coined by Cribbage Inc. in order to remind lesser cribbage players (and crib-lebes) when to start pegging/counting points.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “crib-lebe”)
HERMAN SNYDLEMAN: The mysterious staff sponsor of “Cribbage Inc.” Rumored to actually be the center-fielder in the greater president’s computer baseball game and not actually a real staff member.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”)
HERMAN THE CACTUS: A talking cactus who lived with the greater president of “Cribbage Inc.” for six months. World famous author of “Thorns and Sand”; quotations from this book, and his “Deep Thoughts” run rampant throughout a true cribbage game.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Deep Thoughts”, “Thorns and Sand”)
HO-CHUNK: A casino in Wisconsin where the greater president of Cribbage Inc. acquired many decks of cards. Each deck looks the same (except some are red, some blue) but are of exceptionally low quality. Each deck, unfortunately, now has only fifty-one cards, the “quintessential card” being missing in each and every one!!
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “quintessential card”)
HONOR POINT: A point not scored on the cribbage board but held in reserve. Should the cribbage game be interrupted, such as a high school principal asking you to his office because in a “classy school for classy people” one is not supposed to play cards in the “senior cafeteria,” then honor points can break a tie.
(See “squid surprise”, “lobster special”, “senior cafeteria”)
INTERNAL SECURITY: Position in Cribbage Inc. responsible for preventing any dishonesty/criminal actions. The only act of dishonesty ever discovered, however, was perpetrated by the holder of this position, thus making it largely redundant. Usage: “ ‘Call internal security!!’ ‘It was internal security!’ ‘D’oh!!!!’ ”.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “d’oh”)
ISSUE A DRUBBING: A common cribbage phrase meaning to convincingly defeat an opponent in a game (or match) of cribbage.. Usually said before the match as a threat, thus making it even sweeter if it occurs. If the defeat is especially brutal, the phrase can be altered to “issue a severe drubbing”.
JAMBOREE: An annual cribbage tournament held in Halifax, Canada. Cribbage Inc. has been the reigning Jamboree champion since 1992, winning six straight championships, an unprecedented accomplishment. The tournament takes place during the winter vacation and is usually sold out weeks in advance. The only way to get to this illustrious tournament is to take the “Cribbage Copter”.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Cribbage Copter”)
KERSQUOIT: (pronounced “Care Skwa”) A sound made by cribbage players in order to increase cribbage performance, much like Monica Seles’ tennis grunts.
LOBSTER SPECIAL: When a king has been cut, and one has the six of the opposite suit of the same colour in one’s hand or crib, one can claim “lobster special” which scores for two honour points (ex. King of diamonds cut, one has the six of hearts in hand).
(See “honour point”)
LURCH: Another term for “skunk”. Only uttered by the basest of “Crib-Lebes”, as it is far inferior to “skunk” (Double-Lurch sounds stupid!!).
(See “crib-lebe”, “skunk”)
MAJOR MUGGINS: When one muggins one’s opponent for more than three or four points, one can claim “major muggins”. Can also be claimed on less points, if the points are crucial (taking out of “skunking range”, or giving/taking away a victory). Rumored to actually have been drawn by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird and Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap.
(See “muggins”, “skunking range”)
MEGA HAND O’ DOOM: A cribbage hand that is worth a lot of points. The amount may vary, depending on circumstances, but they are usually fifteen points or more. If the hand is followed by some sort of diabolical laughter (such as Moo-ha-ha!!!), then it is probably a mega hand o’doom.
MONSTER GAME: A game which requires far more than the normal number of points to win (Ex. 1221). May take several weeks to complete.
MOO-HA-HA!!: Diabolical laughter. Usually occurs after a sensational cribbing move is accomplished. Usage: “Dan double-skunks Tommy “Soy” Wong!! Moo-Ha-Ha-Ha!!!!”
(See “skunk”, “Mega Hand O’Doom”)
MUGGINS: When your cribbage opponent miscounts his or her cards, you can claim the difference in points (ex. Opponent has 7-7-8-9-10, counts twelve points. You muggins for two, since the hand has fourteen points). In a particularly psychotic game of cribbage “muggins” for improper pronunciation (calling “d’oh”, “two”) can be claimed as well.
(See “major muggins”, “d’oh”, “psycho cribbage”)
NARF: Cribbage slang for the number nine. It is also a popular exclamation of derision uttered by the average cribbage player.
(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”)
NIBS: Word used by Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird to declare “his nobs.” Currently under much ridicule because “nibs” is not mentioned in any cribbage texts.
(See “nibsmonger”, “nobs”, “nibs/nobs debate”)
NIBSMONGER: One who refuses to admit that there is no such thing as “nibs”. A nibsmonger is really the Cribbage Inc. version of a “Nobsmonger,” i.e. one who gets a lot of “his nobs”. Also the nickname of the lesser president of Cribbage Inc., Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird.
(See “nobs”, “nibs”, “nibs/nobs debate”, “Cribbage Inc.”)
NIBS/NOBS DEBATE: Throughout Cribbage history, the term “nibs” and “nobs” (or “his nibs” and “his nobs”) have been interchangeable. However, with the rise of Cribbage Inc., and its lesser president Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, many serious cribbers among us have begun to research which one is the correct one. Although most have reasoned that “nobs” is the correct term, many (most notably the “Nibsmonger” himself!), refuse to yield “nibs”. Many a cribber has argued in vain to come up with a solution, and the debate rages on to this day, and probably will until the end of time.
(See “nibs”, “nibsmonger”, “nobs”, “Cribbage Inc.”)
NINETEEN POINT HAND: A common term for a zero point hand. Since nineteen is the least amount of points that cannot be scored in one’s hand, it has become a derisive term for zero.
NOBS (HIS NOBS): When one has the jack of the same suit of the starter card in one’s hand or crib one can claim “his nobs”, which scores for one point. There are dissidents out in the cribbage world, (namely Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird) who refuse to admit that “nobs” exists and that the correct word is “nibs”. This is an argument that has existed since the beginning of time, and will probably continue until after our world has turned to dust.
(See “nibs”, “nibsmonger”, “nibs/nobs debate”)
OUAIS: Franglais for “yes” or “yeah”. Also used as an exclamation much like “Narf” and “Dorf”.
(See “Franglais”, “Narf”, “Dorf”)
PEG LIKE THE WIND: To peg for a lot of points. Phrased used either after the feat has been accomplished, or if the feat is necessary for victory (or to escape a skunk).
PHLEGMWAD: Somebody who plays cribbage slower than can possibly be imagined. Usage: “Jon ‘Phlegmwad’ Zener must be the slowest cribbage player of all time!!”
POIT: Common cribbage jargon for point, it is usually used as a short form and in conjunction with other well known cribbage phrases. “Poit” is to point as Quebecois is to real French.
(See “presque”, “d’oh”)
POTENTIAL: A hand that could become a “mega hand o’ doom” if the right card is cut.
(See “mega hand o’ doom”)
PRESQUE: French for “almost”. Usage: “presque run”; “presque flush”; “presque poits”. Used to indicate disappointment and severe depression at the fact that one could have had such a great hand, but instead has ended up with “d’oh” or “fir”. “Classic skip runs” also fall into this category, along with “dragon flushes”.
(See “dragon flush”, “classic skip runs”, “d’oh”, “poit”, “Cribbage Inc. number system”)
PSYCHO CRIBBAGE: This variation of cribbage allows for the rules to be changed; for example, one might play with thirteen cards in the hand instead of the traditional four; or one might cut two cards rather than one. This game was abandoned early on by Cribbage Inc. due to health reasons, and hands scoring in the tens of thousands of points.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”)
PUNTING INTO THE CELLAR: This occurs when one passes an opposing player, leaving him/her in last place in the game.
(See “squamping”, “storming into contention”)
PURIST: One who plays cribbage by the rules (other than Cribbage Inc.'s erroneous house rule regarding the flush).
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “flush”, “purist cribbage”)
PURIST CRIBBAGE: Cribbage played by it's normal rules.
QUINTESSENTIAL CARD: The eight of diamonds. Due to the continual disappearance/wanton destruction of this card in every one of the greater president’s decks, the eight of diamonds enjoys great spiritual significance with Cribbage Inc.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Ho-Chunk”)
RAUDSEPP: A French teacher at Earl Haig whose teaching habits are slightly unorthodox. His frequent songs, and various zany ways infected many of his students with what is now called “Raudseppitis”. This condition is praised/blamed by many to be the condition which facilitated the forming of Cribbage Inc.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Earl Haig”)
RAWCLIFFE: A Geography teacher whose weird and crazy ways made him the ideal choice to be Cribbage Inc.’s official staff sponsor. However, he never actually signed any cribbage announcements as this was the job of Herman Snydleman.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Herman Snydleman”)
REVERSE NIBS: When one has the jack of a different suit than the starter in one’s hand, one may claim “reverse nibs”. Scores for negative one, “his nobs” reversed. Does not have to be called. In fact, it is foolish to do so, and is usually meant as a joke.
(See “nibs”, “nobs”)
ROBANCE GOLDNER: The founder of the illustrious “Cribbage Inc.”, it is his name that graces every cribbage announcement made at Earl Haig. Although quite popular, Robance has never actually been seen and is rumored to be an amalgamation of ROBert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird, LaurANCE “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap, Daniel “Squid Surprise” GOLDlist, and Jon “Phlegmwad” ZeNER.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Earl Haig”)
ROUND THE BEND: On a classic cribbage board, the track curves in two places. If a player passes a curve, while his/her opponent has yet to reach it, he/she has rounded the bend. This is the psychological equivalent of a corner, but does not correspond to an exact point total.
(See “cribbage board”, “corner”)
SENIOR CAFETERIA: The place where Cribbage Inc. met, played cribbage, and hatched plots to take over the world for four years. Also known as the SCAF, SNRC, etc.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”)
S’GO: Short form for “let's go,” used in cribbage matches to encourage swift play from “phlegmwads” (usage: “Jon, s’go; we don’t have all day!”). Also used to instigate cribbage games (usage: “s’go play
cribbage”). S’go can be more generally used to encourage action from lethargic or indecisive people.
SHOCKER: A sarcastic term uttered when a cribbage game is proceeding exactly as planned (usage: “Dan’s beating Laurance by twenty… shocker!!”).
SHUP: Slang for “Shut up”. Used as a more polite form for it, when cribbers grow tired of someone else’s prattling. If ignored though, “shup” will often be followed by a “frappe”.
SKUNK: When one has reached the last peg (121), and one’s opponent has yet to get to peg ninety-one, the opponent has been skunked. The winner receives credit for two victories instead of one. If the opponent fails to reach sixty-one, it is a “double-skunk” and is worth four victories. This has happened only twice in “Cribbage Inc.” history, when Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist double-skunked Tommy “Soy” Wong and when he defeated Laurance “Benevolent Benefactor” Yap. After his defeat, Tommy disappeared, never to be seen by mortal men again. Laurance, however, is still at large, and should be considered dangerous!
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “skunking range”)
SKUNKING RANGE: Since a “skunk” occurs when one wins by more then thirty points, one is in “skunking range” whenever one is either down by thirty or more points, or when one is in danger of falling that much or more behind one’s opponent.
SPEED CRIBBAGE: A game of cribbage that is played in a VERY short amount of time, usually because one or more players have a class to go to (which they are already late for!!). A game of speed cribbage will usually have very little shuffling, and any “phlegmwads” will receive many a “frappe”. Every game of speed cribbage will always be preceded with the call “SPEED CRIBBAGE!!!!”.
(See “phlegmwad”, “frappe”)
SQUAMPING: An incredible come-from-behind move, executed when a cribber is down twenty or more points, that brings the player into the lead.
(See “storming into contention”, “punting into the cellar”)
SQUID SURPRISE: When a six has been cut, and one has the king of the opposite suit of the same colour in one’s hand or crib, one can claim “squid surprise” which scores for five honour points (e.g. six of diamonds cut, one has the king of hearts in hand). Also the nickname of the greater president of Cribbage Inc., Daniel “Squid Surprise” Goldlist.
(See “honour point”, “Cribbage Inc.”)
STORMING INTO CONTENTION: An incredible come-from-behind move, executed when a cribber is down twenty or more points, that brings the player within a few points of the lead.
(See “squamping”, “punting into the cellar”)
TEAM CRIBBAGE: A game of cribbage played with four or six players, in which two or three players’ points are counted as one team (e.g. Two on two, three on three, two on two on two). More players can be tried, but chaos inevitably occurs. The game is always preceded with the cry TEAM CRIBBAGE!!!!!!
TIGER DECK: The original deck used in the first cribbage games of Cribbage Inc. A deck worth less then a quarter, it served for an unprecedented length of time until being cruelly mutilated by certain members of Cribbage Inc.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”)
THIRTY-ONE FOR FOURTEEN! NYAGHNYAGHNYAGH!: The ultimate pegging move involving a double pair royale to count thirty-one.
THORNS AND SAND: Autobiography of Herman the Cactus, as dictated to the greater president of “Cribbage Inc.” This book contains much wisdom as well as key insights on the life of perhaps the greatest visionary of our time. Herman’s “Deep Thoughts” are listed as a bonus at the end of this work.
(See “Cribbage Inc.”, “Herman the Cactus”, “Deep Thoughts”)
THWAK!!: The sound a cribbage board makes, when hitting Alex Ross squarely on the head.
TWARF: Cribbage slang for the number twelve. It is also a nickname for Dan “Lord of the Board” Tweyman.
(See “Cribbage Inc. number system”)
TWENTY-SEVEN!!!: Used in conjunction with “uh-ah-ah,” when one pegs for twenty-seven. Has no practical purpose, but is steeped in cribbage tradition. Happens to be the most points (under twenty-nine) that one cannot receive in one’s hand.
VAST QUANTITY OF CASH ME!!: A phrase uttered in order to distract a cribbage opponent. A vast quantity of cash will rarely actually change hands, although Jon “Phlegmwad” Zener and Robert A. “Nibsmonger” Laird are the most susceptible to this phrase.
WAA-HAA!! - The proper yell when leaving a building, especially after winning a cribbage game. Also, when using this cry, it is customary to throw one hand into the air with gusto and panache.