Here is a collection of various witticisms gathered over the years. Some apply to life, some apply to games, some apply to business or linguistics or computers . . . some are just plain intriguing viewpoints.


"Never interrupt your enemy while he is destroying himself."

"The first thing a principle does, if it really is a principle, is to kill someone."
(Dorothy Sayers)

"You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win by making the other dumb @#*%! die for his country."
(paraphrase from the movie Patton)

"People do not stop doing things because they get older, they get older because they stop doing things."

"It wasn't until I noticed my first wrinkle that I realized that perseverance isn't enough. You have to persevere fast."
(Marilyn vos Savant)

"I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it."
(Charles Swindoll)

"Success is doing something so well that people will pay to see you do it again."
(Walt Disney)

"First we will be best then we will be first."
(Grant Tinker, TV executive)

"You don't get to be uncommonly successful without first being uncommon."
(Dale Dauton, business writer)

"They have it. We want it."
(Hagar the Horrible)

"We don't just 'borrow' words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
(James D. Nicoll)

"My computer is so old only three fonts are available: hieroglyphics, cuneiform, and cave paintings."

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."
(John F. Woods)

"A wise man knows everything -- a shrewd one, everybody."

"If you can't win the game, find a new one."

"In Theory, there is no difference between practice and theory."
(off the Internet somewhere)

"Wealth comes to those who make it happen not to those that let it happen."
(John M Capozzi)

"The race is not always won by the fastest runner but sometimes by those who just keep running."
(motiviational business sign)

"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think."
(Clarence Darrow)

"Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system."
(P. J. O'Rourke)

"Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want."

"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
(Off an Internet bulletin board)

"It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something."
(Leo F. Buscaglia)

"The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live."
(Joan Borysenko)

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
(Oscar Wilde)

"He didn't administer the reign of terror, just the occasional light shower."
(Terry Pratchett, Sourcery)

"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first."
(David Comins)

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
(Dave Barry)

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
(Victor Borge)

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
(Joshua J. Marine)

"You make your own fun; you make your own misery."
(anonymous motherly advice)

"Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
(Mahatma Gandhi)

"Most bosses think that the essence of management is checking up; the great ones know it's lifting up."
(Dale Dauten)

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
(Albert Einstein)

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
(Calvin Coolidge)

Know your limitations, then remove them.
(Thomas Edison)

"Chaos breeds life, while order breeds habit."
(Henry Adams)

"Every single one of us can do things that no one else can do."
(Barbara Sher)

"Language is the archives of history."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"Humans shape places just as places shape humans."
(Donald L. Miller, historian and author)

"Whatever advice you give, be brief."
(Horace, 20 B.C.)

Bumper Sticker Humor

Jesus is coming. Everyone look busy.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

So you're a feminist -- isn't that cute!

Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.

Born again pagan.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all of its students.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Life needs an Undo button.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I will modify and add to this collection from time to time so come back again in the future. You can click the following links to go back to the top of the Quotes section, the Bumper Stickers section, my puns page or my home page.