Has anybody else noticed how seriously misaligned we humans are? I don't mean our posture -- I mean our compatiblity, wants, needs, sex drives, opportunities -- that sort of thing.
I have a solution that will fix all those things in one easy step. Well, two actually.
I propose that at twenty we marry people of fifty, then at fifty, separate and marry people of twenty.
Here's how it works:
OK, you're a twenty year old woman. You want to get married and start a family and you want to be treated with dignity and respect. How many twenty year old men are going to be ready for that? OH, they love you with a passion but that doesn't put food on the table and it sure as hell doesn't soothe your ruffled feathers when he comes home whooping drunk and wants to play. What do you do? Marry a fifty year old man.
A fifty year old man is ready for children. He wants his genetic line to continue and he is as settled as he's ever going to get. He is well established in his career, he has some savings, he's sown all his wild oats. He has patience and compassion. He doesn't think that just because it's standing up it is your duty to do something about it on the spot regardless of the fact that you are in the process of scrubbing the bathroom or cooking dinner.
Time passes, you have a child or two. They get in school. You go to school. You finish college and start your career. By the time your kids are grown you are ready to move on. The old guy goes to the place where all old guys go (a retirement village in the tropics with all the retired ladies) and you take your second husband.
Your second husband, taken when you are fifty, is a man of twenty. You are at your sexual peak and then some. You want him every time you see him. He is delighted. He has you to pay the bills while he finishes college and starts his career. He isn't bothered with the responsibilities of kids and mortgages. He can sow all the oats he wants except that no twenty year old woman will have him. He has to settle for the few holdouts who refused to marry under any circumstances. He has it made. You have it made. Your kids are grown, your first old man is living it up in that tropical paradise and you are looking forward to your turn.
You turn eighty, you move to the retirement village. It's been a wonderful life and it can't get better than this.
I love it! I particularly love it since I am now fifty. Woo hoo!
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