smart 

In exactly ten minutes from now, you will be smart. Yes Sir, I said you will become smarter than God made you.

These are the days when institutions are vying with each other to make gullible customers gain admission in IITs or medical colleges. They can make the students pass the aptitude tests of the combined services. They promise to turn ordinary people into doctors, engineers, lawyers, software system analysts, armymen or other professionals.

It must be an exceedingly easy task, I suspect. Otherwise how come so many institutes, so many consultants, so many experts have opened coaching shops? It must also be paying. I also guess there is an enormous untapped market out there still waiting to be served.

I cannot make anybody a plumber, bricklayer, blacksmith or a carpenter, for example, because I have no professional qualifications. I specialize in academics and therefore visualize making people a trifle better than they were before.

Remember those days there were tutorial colleges? They were meant for those who could not pass the metric. Today's coaching centers are targeted, not for the unsuccessful mediocre. They are aimed at successful students who are ready to part with their money for a few hours of stay inside the air-conditioned lecture hall. They attract those ambitious guys who want to become the future prime-ministers, if not Harshad Mehtas or Pawan Sachdevas.

My coaching is not going to tell you what a plus b whole squared is. Nor will it tell what is the population of Cambodia or where Australia is. It will stand by what it promises just - that is, making you smarter.

People are smart because they think they are smart. But then everybody thinks he or she is smart - already. Then how do people really become smart? That is where my strength lies.

People are smart because they appear smart. People are smart because they do not look like others - they look different. They are smart because they dress distinctly.

How? Let me tell you. If others wear pants, they wear dhotis. If others sport a kurta, they are wrapped in towels. If others dress formally, they will come naked -- almost. If others are clean shaven, they sport a beard. If others are clean, they must be dirty.

People appear smart because, they speak differently. When others quote from Gita, they refer to Dunkel. When others discuss South Africa, they argue on North America. If others speak French they communicate in Braille. If others can be understood, they are crazy.

Smart people have different tastes for the food. When others eat rice, they demand taco shells. If others are tipsy they are satisfied with the Pepsi. 

When others appear normal, the smart one has a sneer. An irreparable sneer that makes him look like a Martian. When you talk about the march on the Mount Road, he mumbles in incomprehensible lingo. His answer is a mono-syllabic grunt to any question. To be of consequence, he ought not to be understandable!

Making me smart in ten minutes - it's impossible - you say!

See! Did'n't I tell you - in just ten minutes, we can make you smarter than you were before? You have already become smart. In less than that time, you have inferred it is not so easy. Please accept my felicitations!

In the following weeks, I shall similarly describe how to appear educated, illustrious, intelligent, clever or popular!