up_down_esclator 

The banks have done away with the ancient kind of passbooks maintained by hand. They have machines - now. Anything you want, just indicate. The machine will spew that out. I am amazed. The  concourses have been air-conditioned for keeping the machines in good cool. Who says the services have not improved? They have -- by leaps and bounds

A sign-writing announced it was Ms Saxena I was addressing -- May I know the balance in my account? No, you may not - she says. If I wanted a statement she could oblige. I say -- ok, please oblige me

The statement says the opening balance is Rs 646. The closing balance is also Rs 646. Madam says I might not  have  had  any transaction in the last month. Talk of the last month -- I could not do any transaction in the last one year - I say. Madam is not amused. Still I let her know. I was out of town

But what happened to the deposit of two thousand I made? When was that? ­ asks Ms Saxena. Last year -- I say -- before leaving for the Laccadives

You  should consult that month's statement - I am  counseled. I say, fine, get that for me. She says -- no, the computer will  not give. It is authorized to issue only the previous month's statements

There should be a running record somewhere. You should be able to peek into that - I propose. Of course, there is - says Madam. "But a sliding window would show only a calendar month any time"

I suggest why don't you set its clock back. You advise the computer it is no more ninety six, but ninety five. I know a computer is scared stiff of the turn of the century, but not that of an year! I am cautioned you can not cheat the machine that fast. If you try anything so stupid as that it will destroy all the records, the bank, the building, the people and the town. It is a pretty bad character, beware. Them, all computers have been programmed like that ­ with cyanide pills inside. So you  better behave

So I am back to square one

We have the latest in telecom. But the equipment is tainted with scams. You avoid them like wet paint. You do not get to surf on the Internet -- they say there isn't enough bandwidth. I stopped taking the buffalo milk after the fodder scam. I do not wear the free dhotis, since the arrest of the Minister who distributed them. It is only by chance that I do not use the Bofors' guns or the instruments from St.Kitts.  Now it looks I can no more demand the bank as to  what happened to my money!

We brought in these machines in good faith. They can do the jobs of a thousand babus, we were then told. That there were only five hundred babus before their induction is none of your business.

Oh boy! how do these machines dictate terms? You ought to see them in action. Your name cannot be more than fourteen characters long. What would poor Harihara-subramania-sreenivasa-tatachar do? Your pincode may not exceed five lakhs. You may not withdraw more than fifty three times in a month - that being the printable number of lines in an A-4 paper. The computers can not do simple jobs. Dumb creatures! For whom are they meant ultimately? I am at a loss to understand. It looks as though we are going up through a down escalator!

"Is the shoe comfortable, Madam ?" - I heard a soft whisper behind me

"Yes, it is"

"Are you able to walk without demanding support?"

"Yes, I can"

"Sure, the shoe does not pinch?"

"Of course, not"

"Then,  Madam", the salesperson assured, "This is not your  size. You  need one smaller! New shoes are not meant to keep you in a state of comfort you are not accustomed to"

I turned back. The customer was none other than Ms Saxena.